I rarely saw my actual son who went to the university in our town! He lived on campus and then in an off campus apartment and was determined to be as independent as his brothers who went further away, although one only went 45 minutes away but I rarely saw him either. Maybe my area needs a service where I could rent a needy college student. LOL. I preached responsibility and independence when they were growing up so despite occasional jealousy I was ok with it.
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Thinking I could use a surrogate mom even if they’re younger than me…
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I don’t know, maybe it’s a Gen Z cultural thing?
I was fortunate that I had teachers in high school who saw potential in me. They groomed me and taught me about what a college experience would do for me.
I was a poor, broke kid being bussed to an upper-middle class, white neighborhood.
I was exposed to trauma every single day in my barrio. That made me more anxious to want to get out.
I learned to write checks. I learned to budget my money. I learned how to finally work in study teams. I learned how each task became easier if you and your friends helped each other out: Putting up posters, making bookcases out of bricks and old crates, etc.
I learned how to ask questions. I learned how to ask for help when I was stuck. Most of the time I just problem solved.
When I was supervising grad students, I made sure they did most of the work themselves. I was always in the background to help. I had to teach them how to ask questions. Each of them thought that it was a weakness to ask questions. I had to teach them how to ask questions.
Each of them said they were glad that the manner in which I supervised them helped them to become exceptional employees.
My traumas and experiences helped me to graduate through undergrad and grad school. Was it easy? No, it never is, but it helped me to prepare our children to become self-sufficient and self reliant.
I don’t have a problem with that because I know they will always be employed and be a valuable asset.
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I describe my parenting as benign neglect. I still haven’t seen any of my kids’ applications, they were in charge of test scores, signups, transcripts, signing up for visits, pretty much everything. And crossed my fingers. They can ask me for favors and u usually say yes, but they’re not asking for much. I recently renewed my 30 year old’s car registration as a birthday gift. She hates all things paperwork plus works a million hours a week. One year I renewed her passport as a gift.
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My son tore all of the ligaments in his shoulder in England, study abroad, 3 hours by bus from London. His friend ubered him back to their apartment after surgery. Didn’t see him until 2 months later. Unfortunately, he broke his collarbone 3 months ago, same spot, due to the previous surgery, the orthopedist finally operated since it never healed at all in b it’s own. Glad he’s here this time around.
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I agree with your husband.
And it’s not just the irritation that simple tasks seem beyond some members of this generation (although that IS irritating). It’s the hoopla that goes with their lifestyles.
They can Yelp for 45 minutes before deciding where to get a takeout sandwich or a delivery for lunch, and then meticulously document said lunch (photo of the bag/cardboard box, photo of the containers of condiments) for their “feed”. Hey young adult- just eat lunch and then get back to what you are getting paid to do. Every morsel or calorie does not need to be documented for posterity. They’ve all got different What’s App groups for every facet of their lives and some of it is just a mystery. You need your What’s App connections to weigh in before you return a sweater and pair of sneakers to Amazon- “Are the lines shorter at Whole Foods or at the UPS store if I go at 8 am on Friday?” Hey, you seem to return a LOT of stuff to Amazon, haven’t you figured out what time the lines are the shortest by now?
I know a bunch of early 20-somethings who don’t seem to delight in “adulting” the way previous 20 somethings did.
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Get off my lawn!!
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