<p>Just returned from the gym…good place to get away for a few minutes and sweat off the stress. Each kid claims they want to go but when I get ready to leave they change their minds…No matter…I’ve decided to just keep my own schedule and stick to some of my regular routine. Makes it easier for everyone.
I think they are glad to have me out of the house for a bit…</p>
<p>It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m thinking about opening the unused Ativan that my oncologist gave me a few months ago to get through the day. My cancer is much easier to deal with than my mother during the holidays.
Tonight my family will be driving south to take MIL and mom to dinner at a lovely restaurant. Mom has already changed the original plans around to suit her (her dog, actually, who takes priority and whom everyone must plan around), and is now complaining about her choice because she isn’t able to enjoy some of the perks that the original plan allowed. And it’s my fault. :rolleyes: The dinner will be stressful because pleasing her is impossible. I wish I didn’t care, but I feel somewhat responsible for her behavior on behalf of my Dh and my kids. Why should they have to suffer this insufferable woman?
Anyway, yes, while I truly have many blessings this year to be thankful for, getting through some of the “festivities” is a chore when those with whom we are supposed to spend time unfailingly make the time spent with them unpleasant.</p>
<p>I am dealing with the holiday blues as well. Although I am Jewish, and Hanukkah is over and done, it was the start of the blues for me. The love of my life has been in the hospital since the day after Thanksgiving (and likely will be for another 6 weeks or so), and my D (only child) is in London (which I am delighted about, for her). My brother and his family (who I adore) are 3000 miles away, and the rest of my family is disbursed worldwide. My parents and only grandparent are gone. It’s very difficult to keep a game face when all I want to do is crumble into tears.</p>
<p>aw justamom. Hugs. I started the thread for a place to vent and it has nicely morphed into a place for lots of folks to know they are not alone 
This too shall pass…</p>
<p>My mother has 40 people coming this year. Our table seats six max, only four comfortably, and the last few years people have been eating on the floor. My parents house just isn’t designed for entertaining. My mom dreads this every year and has to host because nobody else is willing to, and then she beats herself up every year that it isn’t perfect, and nobody but the immediate family even appreciates the effort. Everyone is outraged if she doesn’t serve the same ten dishes that only a minority are willing to eat, we have to find room to put all of that food out, most of it doesn’t get eaten, we have no time or space left to put out food that some of us might actually like, and the christmas tyrants make my mother feel like crap if she doesn’t stick to “the plan.” I hate it. And half the people coming are people we don’t even want to see, and several of which were not even invited but are coming anyway. It will take my parents months to recoup the money they spent throwing this worthless party.</p>
<p>I would love to start hosting myself and put an end to this nonsense but I can’t because there’s NO WAY I could fit 40 people in my house and nobody is willing to stop thinking about themselves for half a moment so we can make this event into something people will actually enjoy, and leave the toxic people out of it. In my opinion if you are just going to come year after year to make demands and look down your nose at my mother, you can stay home. But no one can bear to put their foot down, so here we are.</p>
<p>On the bright side, this is the only day of the year we do this. Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas day are strict immediate family and SOs only, so tomorrow will be a nice day. We let the tyrants fend for themselves the rest of the year.</p>
<p>True conversation many years ago:</p>
<p>Me: so Mom, where do you want to go out to eat tonight?</p>
<p>Mom: I don’t care.</p>
<p>Me: what would you like to eat?</p>
<p>Mom: I don’t care.</p>
<p>Me: there is a great new Italian place. </p>
<p>Mom: I don’t feel like Italian.</p>
<p>Me: we’ll. How about the new Chinese place?</p>
<p>Mom: I don’t feel like Chinese.</p>
<p>Me: remember that seafood place we went to last year?</p>
<p>Mom: I don’t feel like seafood.</p>
<p>Me: how about the steak place?</p>
<p>Mom: I don’t feel like steak.</p>
<p>Me: I thought you said you didn’t CARE!</p>
<p>Back in 1999 , I managed to reunite my then estranged sister with the rest of my extended family. She had gone through some difficult times and had a horrible counselor that ( for lack of better description ) encouraged mother hate</p>
<p>She had not spoken to anyone in our family for 6 yrs. Since it was the last Christmas of the millennium, I called her and we broke the ice. In doing so, I asked her if she was open to re-establishing her relationships with my mother and sisters ( they lived nearby , not me ) She was more than open to it and within an hour, they were all down at her house , celebrating.
It was a good thing too because it was only a year later when my grandmother passed away.</p>
<p>Ebeeeee, I think in time your children will put their differences aside and get along.</p>
<p>That’s such a nice story, Lje62!</p>
<p>Today I had a nice day. I have been so impacted by the tragedy in Newtown that today I decided to do the 26 random acts of kindness (actually 27 because I think the shooter’s mom deserves it too). I started by giving our breakfast waitress a 200 percent tip. I wrote a note that it was to honor the victims of the massacre. I hope it made her day. She was a nice waitress. I can’t afford to be that generous with money for all of my acts of kindness but I will keep them up. It really did make me feel better about this horrible week. </p>
<p>AND I am determined to not let my siblings get to me tomorrow! I will take a deep breath and walk away.</p>
<p>I’m home alone, 3500 miles from my girlfriend and my family. I fractured my ankle this morning, and I can’t stand without excruciating pain. This Christmas sucks. :(</p>
<p>Oh Spriteling…that truly sucks. Edinburgh is one of my favorite cities but not under those circumstances.</p>
<p>Spriteling, I was recently in Edinburgh, and I found it to be one of the friendliest cities I have ever visited. Maybe this Christmas is a little different than the norm for you , but try to connect with some of the locals, who it seems many are alos from other countries. This will pass and you will appreciate the future holidays spent with your loved ones. Hugs to you !</p>
<p>DH was supposed to be on vacation all week. He got called in on Sunday to work in a plant an hour fr. home. Had to work there (13 hours today) and just now told me he has to work 14 hours tomorrow (Christmas day). He has to be there at 5:30 a.m. which means he has to leave home by 4:30 a.m. …UGH. Now when S1 calls fr. the Middle East to say Merry Christmas in the morning and DH won’t even be here. Double UGH. Counting the days until he can retire from this job.</p>
<p>Aw, packmom, I hope you and DH can celebrate Christmas a day later. </p>
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<p>Franglish, that’s good advice but i feel the holidays make it difficult to avoid toxic people and situations. There are high expectations that our families will reunite at Christmas and there’ll be lots of love and laughter. We feel the obligation to include them in our plans. OTOH, we have such wonderful friends here and we love to socialize with them. I hate to admit it but the saying, “Friends are family that you choose for yourself.” rings true in my case. </p>
<p>DH and I try hard to maintain relationships with our siblings because we don’t want our own children to drift apart as they reach adulthood. Chances are they will not live the same city and will have to make an effort to see each other and keep in touch.</p>
<p>I worked late Friday night, hoping I wouldn’t have to go into work today, but I did. Just got home; made dinner. At home, D (clg sophomore), S (HS junior) and H (4 years away from official senior citizen status) slept late and semi-decorated the tree. Tomorrow, they’ll put some lackluster effort into opening presents (they know what they’re getting), and another holiday over.</p>
<p>I think it’s time to ditch the heavy handed commercialized tradition, especially with so many families hurting in our area. Why did I even slide my credit card out of my wallet to pay for stuff my kids don’t really need when I could have bought blankets or food for Hurricane Sandy victims, or whatever the families of Sandy Hook Elementary needed?</p>
<p>Sometimes the answer to your problem is staring you in the face. I don’t mean that OP has a problem – I mean I have a problem.</p>
<p>I hear ya, classof2015. Year after year, I succumb to the craziness of Christmas gift giving. In fact, DH and I were shopping last week and he pointed out a pair of running shorts. He said, “if you’re looking for something to buy me for Xmas, I’d like something like this.” I replied, “We’re here, why don’t you buy it for yourself?”. Growing up, we never wrote wish lists nor did our parents ask us what we wanted. Our gifts were truly gifts chosen by the givers.</p>
<p>(((HUGS))) all around.<br>
H is volunteering at church tonight. I will meet him there for the last Christmas Eve service. D will join us. I just reminded S about what time we would be leaving. If he comes with us, that would be great. If he does not, I will be fine. He’s an adult and can make his own choices. Even if D didn’t want to go, she would out of respect for H and me. S… not so much. :rolleyes:
We try to keep the gifts to things we will need and a few things we want. I give the kids gift cards to their favorite clothing stores.
We ‘adopted’ an 88-year-old veteran this Christmas and bought him groceries and miscellaneous things like lightbulbs and toothpaste. He went with us to the grocery store to shop. He kept saying, “No, that’s too expensive.” We kept telling him it was our gift to him. When we went through the checkout, he cried. We asked the care facility people for a gift idea. The only thing he wanted was socks. He wanted to wait until Christmas to open them. Very sweet.</p>
<p>hrh19, that’s a wonderful thing you did.</p>
<p>I’m with you all – the four of us are home together, and we’re spending most of our time in separate rooms. S1 and S2 generally get along, but all four of us together – not good. </p>
<p>I will try and get each boy alone for a walk with the dogs.</p>
<p>Hrh19, what a wonderful idea to adopt a veteran. I think something like that might bring our family closer together next year.</p>
<p>We have the same situation with church. They are adults now and must make decisions. I won’t be like my mom who guilted us into going.</p>
<p>I’m home for Christmas for the first time in three years. </p>
<p>The holidays are always really hard on my mom. Even though her parents passed away 18 years ago, they passed away in the same week (one on my birthday, the other 5 days later) and it was only a few weeks after Christmas. A few years ago we found out her brother passed away from a drug OD only a few days before Christmas. My mom’s family was extremely, extremely close. They often only had each other as they moved every 18 months or so. Every year, my uncle comes over as he only lives a few miles away and the only other surviving family member lives across the country. My mom and her brother always get drunk and they always look at old pictures and cry. My dad and I try to help, but they never really healed. After my grandparents passed away, there was a huge fight and my mom’s family broke apart for almost a decade. I was only 3 so I don’t know what happened and I don’t ever want to know. But it makes things hard and I wish we could just have a fully happy Christmas and Christmas Eve. </p>
<p>My adult sister who is 5 years older than me and I do not get along. At all. We don’t live together so it’s not a huge deal, but we do get together briefly on Christmas. It’s never good. She’s the exact opposite of me (she’s a conservative Christian and I’m not) and she always chooses to pick a fight about some topic or another. No matter how much I try to avoid the topics, and my dad tries to run referee, she always manages to get her digs in. I know it makes my dad sad that we’re not close, but we’ve really all accepted it.</p>
<p>I have no advice, but I wonder if your DD wishes she was closer to your DS like I wish I was closer to my sister. She’s jealous of me, and she’s told me that, and chooses to cope with it by attacking me. I hate it.</p>
<p>Hugs to you, romani.</p>
<p>Thank goodness “Christmas comes but once a year.”</p>