The reason I wrapped everything in Christmas paper year round was because I bought a ton of it for 25 cents a roll when it was on sale one year. I was poor. I didn’t have the money to go to CVS and buy all occasion wrap. I think the wrap reflects the giver, and I’m fine with Christmas wrap year round as were the 5 year olds getting presents in santa wrap in July. My Christmas cards are Christmasy; the only other option would be for them to get no card, as I’m not going to send Hanukkah cards or all occasion cards. I don’t know if other religions have gift giving occasions during the year, but I wouldn’t go out and buy gifts in, say, August to give to a Wiccan friend or find a Druid gift when there is some big Druid holiday. When I give a gift in December, I’m giving a Christmas gift. I received a Hanukkah gift this year at a Hanukkah party, even though I’m not Jewish. The givers presented the gift in their way, decorated as they wanted, as it was their gift. I did not expect it to be wrapped as a Christmas gift as it was a Hanukkah gift.
The reason people are giving gifts to ANYONE on December 25 is because the giver is celebrating Christmas and wants to share that holiday with others. If the OP was ‘nothing’ and not celebrating Hanukkah, should there be no gift at all, and thus no wrapping to worry about? The relatives in her case are giving a Christmas gift. They aren’t Jewish and thus do not give Hanukkah gifts, even though the gift arrives in the mail around that time of year. If Hanukkah was in October, I doubt the relatives would send a gift at that time, but would send a Christmas gift for Dec 25, and that’s what they did.
When my kids were little Bought a large roll of brown paper, stamps (from pretty flowers to alphabet stamps…and shiny stamps. We would wrap the presents and then do an art project. It was easy (inexpensive, and fun.
If I were the OP’s SO’s mom and read this post and figured out who wrote it, I would stop sending a gift.
I understand the OP’s position but, believe it or not, I know people who would be offended by a gift that differentiated between the gift receiver and everybody else. Lets say I’m a married mom with 3 kids, two of whom have SOs. One of the SOs is Jewish. My S or D tells me that his/her Jewish SO is going to be in town for Christmas. I therefore ask the SO to join us for our holiday dinner and gift giving. .
Lets say I’ve already wrapped most of my Christmas presents in Santa paper. I’ve used the same wrapping paper for all the gifts.
When my kid’s SO shows up, I hand him/her a gift wrapped in Channukah paper–even though it’s not actually Channukah. Everybody else’s present is wrapped in Santa paper. What if everyone else gets Santa wrap and this one person gets all occasion wrap?
Seriously…would every Jewish SO see this as being “thoughtful?” Might some people be more offended–seeing this as making a statement that the SO just doesn’t fit in the family?
To avoid this, do I have to unwrap all of the already wrapped presents and redo them in “suitable for any occasion” gift wrap?
Well, I think there’s a distinction between a significant other and a son-in-law. (I’m going to make the significant other and the son-in-law both males, just for ease of explanation.)
In the first case, you’ve invited a Jewish significant other to join in and share in your holiday, which is Christmas. Giving a present wrapped in Christmas paper seems a bit more appropriate there - because you are celebrating Christmas and he’s a welcomed guest.
There’s a different scenario that comes to mind, which is - your daughter married the Jewish male and they decided to celebrate Hanukah as a family. Then, I think handing your son-in-law a gift wrapped in Christmas paper could be a little more problematic or thoughtless (depending on how seriously he takes his religion). I don’t mean to suggest that said son-in-law should throw the present at you and run screaming from the room or anything; he should accept it graciously in the spirit in which it’s intended, of course. It’s just that it’s a little more considerate to recognize that and adjust accordingly.
And no, of course you wouldn’t have to unwrap and redo everyone else’s presents. That’s silly!
I guess we all come at it from our personal points of view. My mother has a daughter who married a Jew and raised kids Jewish (me) and a daughter who married a Catholic and is raising their kid Catholic. To us, it’s just common sense and respectful that my kids’ gifts aren’t wrapped in away-in-a-manger, just like I wouldn’t wrap my sister’s family’s gifts in dreidel-and-gelt. That’s not to suggest that anyone would run screaming if there were the “wrong” paper, and I’m sure it’s happened on occasion because life happens and people get tired, but it’s just more respectful IMO. And it takes absolutely zero extra effort to accomplish this.
It’s the same reason my parents sent my kids Passover cards and my niece Easter cards. Because, well, that’s what each of them were being raised as.
Before reading this thread, I finished wrapping all the gifts in brown paper, tied with brown string, as has been my custom the last few years. There are so many reasons I made that decision. Now it’s a signature of sorts.
Unlike bevhills I’m not decorating the packages in any way. I’m writing the messages on the bottom, so no gift cards.
adding : oops -I fibbed - one small blue tiffany box for daughter-in-law. So one blue box in a sea of brown.
now I have to decide whether to put it in a brown gift bag. decisions, decisions…
I still say it is the gift giver who decides if it is a C gift or an H gift or a birthday gift or a Kwanza gift or a Chinese New Year gift. The OP said the gifts are sent to the family for Christmas. If the relatives want to give a H gift, they can but it seems that is not what they do. They choose to send Christmas gifts, not H gifts. OP chooses to take offense.
I have one daughter who is Chinese and one who isn’t. Both get Chinese New Year gifts from our Chinese friends. Their choice as they are celebrating their holiday as to what the gift is (money in a red envelope is normal), but we are receivers don’t get to say “Oh, I’d rather it be in an American Flag envelope because I’m American now” or “could you put it in a religious envelope because I’m Christian now and don’t want to do the Kitchen God thing.” As long as they treat both of my kids the same, I’m happy for my kids to celebrate any holiday others want to include them in.
I said something similar twoin, but PG didn’t buy it.
I think you made an excellent analogy. Neither of my kids are Chinese but they both receive red envelopes from Chinese friends. We all think it’s wonderful that our friends think of us on a special day for them. We don’t expect these friends to recognize our kids on Rosh Hashanah.
I have just found Festivus wrapping paper! I emailed it to my family and said that I fully expect my birthday gifts wrapped in this! This thread is a success!
Thanks for all of your viewpoints. They have been interesting to read. I am sorry if I came across as ungrateful or unappreciative of their gifts. I didn’t intend for that to happen. I do appreciate them.
I am not really hung up on the wrapping paper as much as my post might have suggested (I’m kind of sorry I included that in there). I’m not offended/bothered to get gifts, or wrapping paper, or holiday wishes for other holidays I don’t celebrate from friends, coworkers, etc. Nor would I be offended to get a birthday present in wrapping paper for some other religious holiday, either, even if it were explicitly for a holiday I didn’t celebrate
I’ve probably made this personal in my mind because we’ve been together for several years and they’ve never once mentioned or acknowledged (in person, in passing, in email, whatever) my holiday. Which, I’m hoping, is probably just a lack of thoughtfulness maybe. Or perhaps in their world, if they don’t celebrate it, why would they acknowledge it to me? I guess?
I guess in my mind none of these scenarios would bother me:
Didn't send me a present.
Sent me a present as part of a "joint" gift that was exclusively related to "their" holiday (whatever that means, card- or wrapping paper or whatever wise).
Sent me a present for "their" holiday with a card for "their" holiday but added something about my holiday in the card.
Sent me a present for "their holiday" with a card for "their" holiday but somehow in some fashion (e-card? email? whatever!) also acknowledged "my" holiday in some form.
Sent me a present for "my holiday" wrapped in "their holiday" paper ;)
Sent me (one) present for "both holidays" wrapped in "their holiday" paper ;)
Anyways, I’m getting the sense (& hoping) that I’m probably over thinking things and I should just let it go. Even if I didn’t…what am I going to do in this situation? Call them up and tell them not to send me stuff? Talk about being rude and ungrateful!
Oh and just to add - I hope I didn’t add to anyone’s stress about wrapping paper now :D. not my intent!
(Also - for me personally, I feel/see a difference between friends and coworkers vs immediate family. I’m not that easily offended usually, I promise :D).
May I wish you a Happy Holiday (I can’t remember which one you observe ) The older I get the more I realize that most people just aren’t thinking that much outside their own little world and they really don’t mean to be inconsiderate. Let it go and enjoy the holidays and the people. It is less stressful.
Who was it here that said your distress was something else besides paper? Well, they are right. Your distress is that they are completely ignoring your faith and never once asking, acknowledging, or mentioning it. That would bother me. I highly doubt they are using the paper to make a point. But never even bringing up anything about your faith, strikes me as completely strange.
But they HAVE brought up the matter of faith: they have introduced the possibility of conversion.
Apparently that’s all they are interested in. That can be true of families of any religion. There are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t like it if their kid had a permanent SO of a different religion.
In my experience, very few people are up for a theological discussion about the details of their beliefs. Some of us find it intellectually interesting, but others can’t deal with it.
I’ve been thinking about it, and I can’t recall H’s parents ever asking me about my religious beliefs, although I did not share theirs.
I’m Jewish and H is Catholic. Neither of us are particurily religious just culturally. At Hanukkah my parents give us both Hanukkah gifts and H’s parents give us both Xmas gifts. Each parent wrapped in their specific holiday. Never bothered me on iota.
My inlaws don’t call and wish me a Happy Hanukkah - in part because one never knows when the heck it is. Even I sometimes don’t realize when it is -especially years when it’s early. My mom does always call and wish H a Merry Xmas.
Ah…yes, asking OP if she is willing to change faiths is just bad. Well, I would have a bee in my bonnet over that, too.
When I said talking about faiths, I didn’t necessarily mean discussing it…just acknowledging something about it. And it doesn’t have to be forced or anything. Something like “now when is Hannukah this year?” That’s more what I meant.
I tiptoe around anything to do with religion with my DIL. Her parents are deeply religious (mainstream Protestant) and her mom often posts prayers and religious poems, posters, etc. DIL used to say, or post, a lot of very negative things about anything Christian, including things meant to be insulting (such as offensive cartoons.) Dh & I just ignore. She didn’t use to observe any Christmas traditions, except for receiving gifts, although she seems to have changed a little bit in the last year. She’s also become very interested in learning about eastern religions and her Christianity-bashing posts have mostly been replaced by posts about the Dalai Lama as well as Islam.
I send DS and DIL gifts for Christmas, most of which are joint presents or money for some major purchase. They love getting candy and/or cookies for Christmas and Easter, too. I wrap their gifts in paper with candy canes on it unless I find something silly they like such as a Star Wars Christmas or wildlife wearing Santa hats.
If DIL ever wants to initiate a conversation about religion, I’ll be open and respectful. However, I have no intention of bringing up the topic.
) The older I get the more I realize that most people just aren’t thinking that much outside their own little world and they really don’t mean to be inconsiderate. Let it go and enjoy the holidays and the people. It is less stressful.