My first baby, my waters broke in the morning, and baby arrived about 24 hours later. My second I only had two hours. First kid arrived three weeks early, second about a week early.
@Massmomm, I don’t think the comment about NICU and nature’s way was directed at you.
My mother never knew her grandmother because she died in childbirth. She always said there are many things we take for granted because we didn’t have to live in a world without them. Immunizations and ready access to medical care during childbirth are two she mentioned specifically.
I’m all for making healthy choices when we can, but there’s a limit to how natural I’m willing to go. Menstration is natural too, but I wouldn’t suffer through it without medication. The biggest takeaway I had from being in such hard labor for so long without respite is that it takes a toll on the body. I suffered postpartum depression for months and I think the labor contributed a great deal to it.
There’s nothing wrong with using medicine when we need it or asking for help. I hope your daughter has the experience that she wants, but I’d encourage her to have backup plans and to be comfortable switching to an alternate plan if that’s what she decides she wants.
An old friend is a very experienced Maine midwife. Decades of experience under her belt, along with many other midwives in Maine, and having good infrastructure in place is very reassuring for a home birth. I would advise that your D tour both the local Maine hospital as well as her local hospital so in case things change during the birth, the environment will not be unfamiliar. I wanted a home birth, but various reasons, twins as a second pregnancy being one, kept me in the hospital. I would be quite happy to facilitate a daughter having a home birth. But I also would caution against being too attached to the ideal birth experience. Have a good written plan in place, anticipate and learn all she can about the process, anticipate the best, but know that birth can take many paths, and healthy baby is just the start of a wonderful life together, no matter how that birth story unfolds.
I certainly hope no one thinks that doing things the natural way is a call for no use of any of medicine’s advances and applications.
Rather, and this has got to be something which is clear to any and every one, it is a reminder that setting a tone for what seems to me to be an abhorring of what our bodies are designed to do and have done, often times without intervention, seems to be the prevalent and unnatural which surrounds labor and delivery.
Having the option to do either is still an option, and can and should be made without outsized fear to remember all of the things which can go wrong. Outsized fear.
Midwifery and present day care by the N.P./Midwife offers up a beautiful approach where a woman can touch base and be guided by another with real training, experience and that something else which comes from being able to connect and be in sync with the mother in labor.
My midwife/N.P. and I bonded at one very particular moment which comes to mind during pre-natal visits, which helped us both to know we were aligned along the same ways of thinking about what is possible for a woman in labor were that woman to find herself alone during delivery, away from both her partner, parents and medical care.
The bond forged in that moment, particular to that moment and incredibly special to me, allowed me to lean into my husband when the time came and let him know that as the baby was coming, we were going to do this. And we did.
The bumpy ride to the hospital in the ambulance was far more disturbing and disruptive to the overall moment than the act of delivery. Even that was made better by the presence of another special woman in my life - my mother.
UPDATE She did have her baby last week in my guest room, with two midwives and a doula attending. Everything went well. She did get a significant tear that needed to be stitched up afterwards (the midwife later said she considered doing an episiotomy for the first time in her career, but opted not to). The doc who did the stitching said she would have torn no matter what. The healing will be long, but she has a healthy 9 lbs, 4 oz boy, and that is what matters!
ETA: I am so glad this is over. I was never comfortable with this, but am glad she had the birth she wanted.
Congratulations. That’s a big baby!
Congrats! I’m my experience it’s not the weight of the baby that matters as far as tearing, but the circumference of the head! ?
Glad to hear it went well. I had a little tearing and don’t remember being particularly bothered by it.
Congratulations!
Congrats on the healthy baby and your D.
My D1 was also 9 lbs. and 4 oz! And she was the smaller of my two babies. 
@mathmom , yours was likely not a 3rd degree tear if you weren’t bothered by it. My first was also a 3rd degree with significant pain and scarring, but with my next, tearing was minor and I don’t remember being in much pain at all after the first few days.
Congratulations, @Massmomm ! I am glad it all went well.
No I don’t think it was. I was in Germany at the time, so who knows what they called it!
One of my cousins is a doula who extolls the beauty and benefits of homebirth. There is plenty of both and you can read about the glorious experiences in many homebirth blogs.