Home for the summer and completely detached

College Life
1

<p>I am looking for some advice. I was one of those people who felt trapped in their hometown and couldn’t wait to break away. I went to a high school where everyone either drops out or goes to a community college close to home, and a student getting admitted to an ivy league was one of those things that rarely ever happened. I grew up with the kind of parents that pushed me every step of the way to get into the best school possible so that I could have the kind of education and opportunities that they couldn’t. This is why I worked so hard to transcend my circumstances so I could make a better life for myself. </p>

<p>I have just finished my freshman year at the ivy league school I now attend, and the experience has been absolutely life-changing. I have never been happier and I am honestly having the time of my life. </p>

<p>Now, I back in town for the summer for my internship and because I really missed my family. In short, I feel extremely detached from everything and I am miserable. It is hard for me to remember that I grew up here and this is my home. My high school looks completely different and my closest friends are trying to bring me down. We spend more time arguing than we do having fun. They scoff at the idea of a world-class education and think that it will do nothing for me in the long run. They think it is a waste of money. I tried to explain that I was only paying $3000 a year due to finanical aid, they then pointed out I would come out $12,000 in debt and no school is worth that much money. I tried to explain to them that an ivy-league school is surely worth that much and it wouldn’t be that hard to pay off. Then, the argument became I would have trouble finding a job after graduation. To them, it is better to have “real-world job experience” like they have, and that the name of my school will do very little for my resume because I haven’t ever had a real job. They don’t think internships and on-campus jobs count. </p>

<p>To me, their logic sounds ridiculous. My parents and others have tried to explain to me that they have no concept of an ivy-league school and just don’t know any better because they weren’t exposed to the opportunities that I have and to not hold it against them. I understand that not everyone sees the value of elite colleges or college in general, but to question my education and my career path after all of the work I have put in really hurts and pushed me over the edge. </p>

<p>I’m tired of fighting all the time and having to defend my educational values to everyone. I try to just brush it off but it is really difficult. I’m worried that I’m going to lose my friends and that nothing will ever be the same. Has anyone else had this problem or have any advice?</p>

2

<p>I’m a parent and you may be looking for advice from peers–but anyway, just wanted to say that I’ll bet that’s hard for you. I think they may, unconsciously, be jealous of you. This happened with my D somewhat, though her situation is less extreme (she didn’t go to an ivy, but a very good school, and away–unlike a large group of her HS friends who are attending the local U and some at the community college, some not in school at all).</p>

<p>She has started to limit the contact she has with the friends who are trying to drag her down. It makes her sad, but being with them and having them be so down on her choices isn’t fun. She keeps busy with work and has met a few new friends through that. She keeps the door open to the old friendships, but has accepted that some of those old friendships may not last. People do change. </p>

<p>I guess I’d tell them straight out that you feel like they are not happy for you–you’re happy, it’s working for you, why do they want to criticize you for your choice. Make sure you haven’t inadvertently made them feel like their choice is bad/inferior when they back you in the corner about your own choice. The less said the better. “I like my school, I miss you guys and my family, but I love my school. Can’t you just be happy for me? Can we talk about something else?” And the truth is, some of them maybe feel hurt/abandoned. Not justified, but, if you are the only one who’s chosen to go away to pursue higher ed, they may feel you are snobby about the opportunities back home.</p>

<p>The good thing is you have school to go back to in the fall. With time, some of your old friends may come around. Or they may not. If it is any comfort, while I am still friends with a few people from HS, some of my very dearest friends are the ones I made in college. We just have more in common.</p>

3

<p>Same thing happened to me after I enlisted.
Friends still doing/hanging out at the same places, parents being parents, things changing. Sucks at first, but people start maturing to the idea that you’ve grown, become independant.
You’ll eventually leave your “friends” but keep the “real friends”. Your parents will mature to the fact that your an adult, and you’ll mature to the fact that parents be parenting and will be your whole life. :)</p>

4

<p>Don’t let your friends get you down! (: What kind of real friends argue about where you go to school anyways??</p>

5

<p>They may be jealous, but they aren’t true friends if they’re trying to bring you down and belittle your (immense) accomplishment.
Also, $12,000 isn’t really that much debt. If you get a decent job, you’ll have it paid off in no time.</p>