<p>So now I am over the initial excitement and joy at my son’s engagement I am a little anxious about the fact that we are having the wedding ceremony and reception here at home. The house does have a beautiful yard and plenty of space but I wondered if anyone having undertaken this themselves had any gems of knowledge to share?
I have been to the library and have a pile of wedding planning books with lots of ideas and suggestions.
It’s not happening until July next year but my main concerns are really about who does what, given that we are the groom’s parents and not the bride’s. We want to be totally supportive while at the same time allowing the bride to have the day exactly the way she wants it!
I am a great organizer and am eager to hear from anyone else who has had a “home wedding” or indeed has attended one.
Thanks!</p>
<p>I have hosted 2 weddings in my home, one with all kinds of catering and support and one with, well, not. Both were lovely days and I would do it again. You just have to remain extremely flexible and non-territorial. And if you can afford it, put lots of furniture and other stuff in storage for a few days to make room for all the people who will be inside, despite the lovely weather, the tents and the fact that nothing is really happening inside except the restrooms. It is a lovely, generous thing you are doing for this young couple, and they will appreciate it forever. Just keep telling yourself that while they are driving you nuts because they don’t like the colors of the flowers in your planters.</p>
<p>First, watch Father of the Bride, the Spencer Tracy version.</p>
<p>I have been to a couple of home weddings so here is my take. Recognizing it is the bride’s day is huge. </p>
<p>Pets. If you have any make sure they are nowhere to be found. When I used to eat with my family and our dog came around the table, I didn’t mind. When I was dressed up at an event and someone else’s dog came around, I minded.</p>
<p>Smoking. Set up a smoking area outside with ashtrays. Generally, nonsmokers don’t want to be around smokers. And the ashtrays will keep your yard clean.</p>
<p>Restrooms. Make sure you have enough even if you have to rent a port-a-john. </p>
<p>Service. Make sure you have enough wait and bus people. </p>
<p>Games/activities for kids. Kids get bored, then can ruin your day.</p>
<p>In the two family backyard weddings we were part of, caterers took care of all the food/setting up of tables/chairs, etc.
A young person was assigned to work as a bar tender.
Another young person was assigned to do the music (with input from bride/groom): the selection plus overseeing the music was playing when it was supposed to be playing.
Hired a teenage babysitter+pre-teen assistant to play with the smaller children during the reception/party. </p>
<p>We did the fun stuff: decorated the yard and took care of the flowers, growing plentifully in SoCal, where the wedding took place.</p>
<p>Keep it simple - make a plan with the bride and don’t start adding all sorts of extra stuff as the event gets closer. </p>
<p>I attended a wedding last year that was unbelievably simple and I was so struck by how the day really centered on the couple, not the show.</p>
<p>We’ve hosted several bar and bat mitzvah parties at our house, not all for our own daughters. When we’ve been the ones paying, we’ve found that it’s actually surprisingly relaxing, because a good caterer/organizer knows how to run things. Find people with good references, who’ve worked in home environments before. </p>
<p>Make sure whoever’s paying understands that sometimes there are last-minute unanticipated expenses. The weather report suddenly says the possibility of rain, and you’re calling your caterer or coordinator or rentals person to say uh-oh, we’d like to add a tent to the order, please. Then, of course, it didn’t rain. Sigh. 
</p>
<p>Second the advice to board the pets, or get them out of the way. </p>
<p>Have the waitstaff/whoever be sure to periodically check on the restrooms to make sure there are towels, TP, a full toiletries basket (if you’re doing that), and so forth. </p>
<p>If any guests are handicapped, set aside parking in the driveway or near curbside for them, and let them know in advance that parking will be saved for them. </p>
<p>A heads-up to the neighbors is a nice gesture. Especially if they’re in earshot, and the couple’s musical tastes run loud. </p>
<p>I’ve loved having these events at our home. It’s not necessarily cheaper, but it feels loving and warm and comfortable.</p>
<p>…and it would not hurt to sent little notes to the neighbors alerting them that a huge event will happen in your house and apologizing in advance for traffic, parked cars, extra noise, etc.</p>
<p>Plan ahead for the parking. Maybe a shuttle from a local school parking lot to your house will ease things up?</p>
<p>There are nicer porta potties than the construction and sporting event ones … ask about them. </p>
<p>My mother was <em>mortified</em> when the caterer insisted on washing her kitchen floor after the wedding. It probably would have been much easier on her if we’d had the house professionally cleaned before the event!</p>
<p>Whatever the cost of the rented venue would have been – plan to spend a large chunk of that on having the yard work done beforehand … especially if you want to upgrade the shrubs, flowers, etc.</p>
<p>I was married at home (a long time ago). We had so much fun (my mom finally made us leave the party to get on with the honeymoon!) that my friend followed my lead with her wedding. And my sister too.
Major considerations were
How many people? (ours were close family and friends 50-100 people)
Weather: inside or out, time of day (we had a morning wedding to avoid afternoon showers and some of the heat) Note: The rehearsal dinner was at my in laws the night before and it POURED rain! It was a barbeque so that made it more fun…We pulled the picnic tables into their living room, set up card tables and had the best memorable party ever! Pays to have good friends!
Food: catered? Make yourself? got room for it (storage)? Servers? Again, morning just meant enough for lunch type appetites. And lots of champagne.
Seating inside and outside for the ceremony–we just had enough seating outside for the grandparents (our yard was sloped) but plenty inside. Rentals here. Also tables etc (if needed–we went finger food). and glasses.
Parking–totally depends on where you are and number of guests. Last huge party we had we hired an off duty policeman for traffic.
Music? I had a friend who played guitar and sang for the ceremony . My sister hired a string quartet from the local college. (obviously dancing was not a big part of the day)<br>
Make sure have space for cake table, buffet (or whatever), bartending.
Flowers–best part is a nice yard saves a lot on flowers! But still need them inside. But the outside of the house has to look as nice as the inside–getting the house party ready with all the extra goings on can be tricky.<br>
One thing about a home wedding is that you need to make sure that on wedding day you don’t become the host to the party. You’ll want to be free to enjoy the day without worrying about your guests. Catering, servers, hired help is the way to go–friends and family end up wanting to party so don’t count on their help unless they are working for a very limited time frame (like helping with parking) and have been enlisted on the “help” list previously. and get a clean up crew (plastic is good)!!!
Especially nice with a home wedding is all the pictures we got! People snapped away (not an intrusion being outside).
It’s wonderful to want to be married at home but in the end be realistic–the number of people, getting house-ready (rather than renting hall), etc. It takes a lot of energy. Consider any other venues open to you–park, beach that may do as well before you totally decide to go the home route.</p>
<p>Alerting the neighbors in advance is very important! You don’t want the neighbors mowing the lawn or trimming trees with a chainsaw while the wedding is underway. Neighbors may also offer to provide some parking space in their driveways for the event.</p>
<p>Also, I do not believe in the traditional “bride’s family is responsible for cost of wedding and reception” line of thought. We have both a son and a daughter, and we plan to contribute the same amount for each child’s wedding plans. (We plan to give the money to the engaged couple and let them decide what their wedding priorities are and how they want to spend the money.)</p>
<p>Nothing is more beautiful than an outdoor wedding if the weather cooperates and nothing is worse ( from a guest’s POV) when it doesn’t and there is inadequate protection against the elements. Anything and anything is available from a simple tent to virtual outdoor rooms with full AC or heat, sliding glass walls, full dance floors and other options ( white tents usually go for a premium). With everything you end up bringing in ( from tables and chairs to linens and silverware, wait staff, restroom facilities, decorating, valet parking service, etc. it can easily turn out to be more expensive to have a home based affair than the equivalent catered alternative. Many go for it regardless, but you just need to be aware.</p>
<p>As for who covers what, IMO today there is no right or wrong way. Some families of brides still choose to follow tradition and pay for everything wedding related, while groom’s family does a rehearsal dinner etc. It’s increasingly common to see couples who have been on their own or who have no one offering or able ( in this economy and after college costs) to offer, who pay for the whole thing on their own. And then, many families also split the costs, either down the middle, in thirds along with the couple or someone offers to pay for specific vendors such as flowers, tent and rentals or facility rental fee, music, open bar etc. If one side has a much bigger family they will sometimes offer to cover the catering costs for their guests. It all just depends on the circumstances and preferences of all involved.</p>
<p>My wedding reception took place at my parents’ home. The actual wedding was at an old chapel next door, so everyone could just walk over. I cooked all of the food myself, except the wedding cake, and we served most of it buffet-style. We had a variety of hot and cold hors d’oeuvres (cheeses and pate, miniature wild mushroom quiches, curried chicken phyllo triangles, roquefort grapes, and the like), followed by cold sliced roast filet of beef with a couple of sauces, 3-layer seafood terrine with an herbed sauce, a chilled green bean salad with dill and walnuts, and a pasta or rice salad. We only had 50 guests. We hired a band, and rented a tent, tables, chairs, plates, cutlery, glassware, tablecloths, and a dance floor: everything but the napkins, since we had enough white linen ones for everyone. We hired three college girls home for the summer to help out during the reception, but my mother really didn’t supervise them–at that point I had stopped working – and they were quite useless.</p>
<p>We didn’t have to order portapotties, since the crowd was not large, but I would definitely do so if necessary, and get the nicer ones where people can wash their hands. Dressing them up with nice soap and hand towels and so forth is essential, I think.</p>
<p>I agree that speaking with the neighbors in advance is a must, and planning to wrap things up by 11pm at the latest is probably also a must, unless you have significant acreage (ie, not 2-4 ).</p>
<p>Although white tents are more expensive to rent, they make for nicer candid pictures during the reception than those that cast a color on everyone inside, if that matters to you. People sometimes also rent a separate tent to cover the portapotties (at a discreet distance, of course!) and if people will be entering through or otherwise using the house, sometimes add a walkway tent from the house out to the main one. Make sure you rent your tents well in advance. Waiting until you get the weather forecast is NOT a good idea! Also, unless you live in a place where it never rains, consider getting the ones with sides and “windows.”</p>
<p>We did not spend any money on yard work, since my mother maintained everything perfectly all the time anyway. We also didn’t need to make any parking arrangements, since there was virtually unlimited parking on the street right there.</p>
<p>Martha Stewart has a lot of good advice about organizing home weddings. :)</p>
<p>My wedding reception was at my parent’s house in Indiana in late December – so it was all inside. We had about 100 people and my parents, my two sisters and I did all the cooking, except for the cake, which my brand new BIL drove 60 miles in a driving ice storm to pick up. My number one piece of advice is to stay flexible. Anything can happen and will, so go with the flow. My mother had hired three women from a nearby church to act as servers, but at noon on the day of the wedding, the one woman called and said that they couldn’t come, they were needed at a prayer circle. So there we were with nobody to do the buffet. My father, as only he could, took off for the grocery store – an while there ran into a high school friend of my oldest sister (who was not able to be there) and told her the story. An hour later she showed up at the house with four more high school friends and they did the service. Four of the five had babysat me at one time or another and they all told baby stories about me, much to the delight of my new husband. Afterwards my mother tried to pay them and they refused – they said they had as much fun as the guests.</p>
<p>We just did a neice’s wedding reception in the backyard…here’s a few thoughts:
nice port a potties if there is a large crowd
Let the neighbors know, and plan for parking/shuttle. Shuttle can be someone with an SUV/etc who is willing to make the runs
Plan for a coat rack (empty the entry hall closet will work if the weather is mild)
Put all valuable jewelry/coin collections etc somewhere else for the day (from a friend who had a bad experience).
Board the pets
Tissue paper poof balls are fun to make, look good, and take longer to make than you think…we hung them on fishing line (Bride loved them, and they colorfully filled in blank spaces).
Plan ahead for trash and recycling
Be flexible and happy, it will all be ok</p>
<p>I loved my home wedding. H and I were married while we were in the midst of renovating a lovely but still somewhat ramshackle old Victorian house we’d been renovating together as our weekend home. There were only eight people at the ceremony (including the two of us), but we we had a small reception for 50 people later in the day, with wedding cake and lots of really good champagne. We pushed the dropcloths, sawhorses and tool boxes to one side, cleaned the one functioning bathroom, and brought in lots of flowers. Everyone had a great time.</p>
<p>Agree with those who said:</p>
<p>Notify the neighbors. Tell them when the party will be and ask their forebearance in postponing yardwork and noisy machines.</p>
<p>Hire someone to help with parking. That way, guests don’t have to worry about it and elderly guests don’t have to walk hundreds of yards from their car back to the house.</p>
<p>Here’s my two cents:</p>
<p>Notify the police. If you’re going to have huge traffic, you don’t want to get a summons for anything.</p>
<p>If the ceremony will be indoors, put a sign on the front door that says: “Ceremony in progress. Do not ring bell or knock.” This way, any latecomers won’t mess up the solemn occasion. (My dad did this 45 years ago at my sister’s at-home wedding.)</p>
<p>Have the caterers come to your house before the big day. They should see the layout of your kitchen, understand what’s feasible, etc., so they’re not trying to broil 75 filet mignons in one tiny broiler. </p>
<p>Consider some type of insurance. When my sister married at home in January in New Jersey, my father purchased insurance against a blizzard. If we had had a blizzard and no one could have come, he would have collected. </p>
<p>Consider where out-of-town guests will stay, including the bride and her family. Your house? That raises lots of additional logistical issues. Now you’re not only hosting a huge party at your house, you also have very important houseguests for a few days before the big event.</p>