One of our kids hit a rough patch in HS. We went therapist shopping and found a competent practitioner who helped her through her junior & senior year and college launch.
At this age, there is only so much a young adult can “hear” from their parents, and only so much a young adult is comfortable sharing with their parents. The gift of a skilled therapist can be a life-changer and life-saver. I highly recommend it.
School refusal and seeking distraction in activities like gaming might be a sign that he is having trouble managing emotions & tasks he finds overwhelming. No amount of parental talking can help a person through that. They need help recognizing their own patterns of behavior and thoughts, and get help learning coping skills and strategies. Working with a good therapist gives people a safe place to talk about their deepest darkest, and be accountable to a third person (the therapist) without all the extra emotional vulnerability that comes with the parent-kid relationship.
In addition, a therapist can evalutate him for depression and anxiety + signs of any other emerging mental illness. Late teens and early 20s is prime time for the emergence of mental illness (which includes depression and anxiety of course).
Our kid’s therapist evantually referred us to a psychiatrist for a med eval. I could practically feel my heels dig in with protest at the mention of it. But, we went, and were very glad we did.
As an adult with the wallet and resources, you can make this happen for your teenager, and I encourage you to do so.
A stuck person is…well, stuck. It’s a lot to ask of them to figure it all out on their own. What you see as a lack of motivation or discipline could very well be something much more serious with life-altering consequences.
If you have a local chapter of NAMI, these meetings can be very helpful. I’ve been to a few meetings for loved ones of adults (over 18) with a mental illness. Parents spoke of the first red flags occuring in high school. Kid was doing well then…not.
Almost everyone at the meetings I attended I had an adult child living at home, who was not doing much of anything, and couldn’t do much of anything because the depression, anxiety, and/or other mental illness was so overwhelming.
The parents at the meetings I attended had very good ideas and the meeting leaders knew a lot about local resources and options for treatment & housing.
There will be new potential obstacles managing treatment once the teenager is 18 and is considered an adult in the eyes of the healthcare system. Parents at the NAMI meetings were often unsure about treatment and medication compliance. and even diagnosis.
There’s no time like the present! Make that appointment for an evaluation! I recommend a CBT or DBT therapist.