I appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this. One of my favorites is “Shifting social norms abound with weddings. I am trying to keep an open mind.” by travelnut I think. So true. I am really working on this.
For me a honeymoon registry by one of my kids doesn’t feel right to me (but I do not mind if someone else chooses to do that). I approached it with my S with “how about if you register for that as part of a registry, you just list 3 or 4 travel activities/excursions and not hundreds or thousands of dollars of hotels, meals, activities, and shopping trips while there” He actually was already leaning towards not doing this type of registry as he had just given a gift of a requested honeymoon event and said he wished he had just given cash (there were no traditional registries for this couple), because he didn’t like “losing” money to a fund company between them and their friends, and the thank you was just a generic thank you for helping fund our honeymoon. He said if they were to do it they would want to text or email a pic of them doing the activity to the gift giver, but probably will not do a travel registry at all. Also I suspect we are a bit more open to some shifting social norms than some and they were trying this idea out on us before the other set of parents.
The last honeymoon registry I visited was on a wedding website. It also had links to their regular registry. Additionally, there was an option to donate to their favorite charity in lieu of a gift. I don’t see how this could be taken poorly, but I’m sure there would be someone around to argue against it.
As to wedding china durability: my china pattern came from my mother (she and Dad divorced, so she gave the whole set to me when I got married). It’s been used for 60 years now (granted, not every day) by people of all ages and backgrounds and not one plate has ever been dropped or otherwise broken. No chips, no scratches, nada. And I assure you my family could never be accused of “forcing by formalistic social convention rules which stifle meaningful conversation and genuine insight into each others’ lives and thoughts to the point it sometimes comes across as ‘fake’.” We are a pretty casual bunch. I’m actually kind of surprised my parents even had china, as they did not have a formal wedding. My mother was only 17 when they “eloped.” I guess they purchased it at some point when my Dad was stationed overseas, because they sure never were gifted this stuff.
I have nice porcelain plates (from my parents) but the corelle dinner and lunch plates get the most use everyday. I have downsized so I don’t have much room for things beyond what gets used daily.
I think what is an appropriate wedding gift or suitable registry is really going to be defined differently by each generation. Fancy dinner settings maybe admired by one generation but not a necessity for another generation. I will go with the flow. It appears the new generation wants more experiences and daily use practical stuff. I see young couples eating out more often every week vs cooking at home 7 nights/week. (especially those who do extensive job travel)
Most of the weddings I have attended most people give checks. There is usually a gift box at a table at the reception to put all the envelopes in. I think checks are practical. ( I don’t feel they are tacky)
It’s their wedding and I am just going to take part in the celebrations, share in their happiness and give them our blessings. One thing I have come to realize is that you can’t please everybody. Everyone’s interpretation of the perfect wedding is going to be different. What a couple decides may not be of my taste but who am I to judge. Wedding planning is stressful enough so if they can simplify any part of it good for them. It’s a balance of planning a memorable occasion and making guests feel welcomed and comfortable.
My impression was that OP had an issue with the couple planning an over the top honeymoon trip that they couldn’t afford without having a registry. I can understand that but I would say if you are not comfortable contributing to it just give them a check for the amount you intended to spend for the wedding gift. As a couple planning a wedding I hope the intention is to be grateful for what is received vs thinking of it as a gift grab.
OP here…my concern was not about them being able to afford it…they can, and have gone on a few trips of similar expense which they have paid for, and they will do this one even if not registered for honeymoon expenses. They are good airlines miles strategists and have well paying jobs. I was interested in hearing what other opinions were, because to me this is a new registry development, and I wanted to gather info and put my thoughts together before I answered the what do you think question. I have learned lots from this thread (and others) -thanks!
Hardly anyone needs more stuff. Most of my wedding presents have become very pretty clutter that I move around and rarely use. I think the new trend is okay.
I have a friend who got married st 50, and they didn’t need stuff for their merged household. They asked for various expenses for a trip they were taking; we paid for a nice restaurant dinner. A year later he dropped dead of a brain aneurysm. I like the idea that she has that memory of that dinner with him – beats a place setting, IMHO.
Do you actually live in a world where people “not so accidentally” do this? What do your aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family think of adolescents who behave this way? Or Is this part of your oft-stated propensity for crashing other people’s events?
“I don’t see what’s the big deal between registering for stuff.” - Gift registries for china etc are oflent just converted to a credit amount. That allows the couple to reconsider item. For example, if they only get 2 place setting of fine china they may select to use that credit differently. A fancy honeymoon has to be booked far ahead, so it would get tricky.
For my nephew/godson, I sent my check far ahead because I knew he and fiance were covering most of their own wedding expenses. It helped them plan better have the money upfront. They were quite appreciative. For the wedding I did try to do a bonus of some money into their honeymoon cruise fund ( a modest trip, since they could drive to the port). It ended up being a pain, and I gave them a check in the wedding card… saying I hoped they would splurge on the shore excursion that had not been filled at the travel registry.
Reading all these new trends I feel less is more. It stresses me out having too much stuff. I would prefer to have the memorable experiences. Given the further details about the couple since they love to travel the registry sounds perfect for them.