I have just recently seen this and now my S and fiancee are thinking about doing it. A few of their friends have done these registries - all 25 yrs old and under, and all going to very expensive exotic/extravagant/trendy/8 hr or more plane rides away locations. Others have done it by asking for nights of lodging, meals, daily shopping sprees, destination activities (with suggested price tags on each). I am not a fan of this idea, but do like traditional registries - would love to hear other opinions.
I got married 2 years ago at 24. This is not something I did but I didn’t do a traditional registry either. Honestly, we didn’t need anything or really want anything after having lived together for several years. Honestly, if I had thought of something like a honeymoon registry, we may have done it. We didn’t have money for a honeymoon.
Let them set up the registry. If people want to contribute, they can. If they don’t, they don’t. No big deal either way. If people don’t want to contribute, they can give a check directly to the couple. Or they can give nothing at all.
Honestly, I think people who have an issue with what a couple requests come off as self-centered. If you don’t want to contribute to something for whatever reason, don’t, but a gift is about the recipient- not the giver.
It’s your choice whether you want to give them something on their Honeymoon registry…or not.
Im going to guess that some newly married couples use money wedding gifts to help fund trips. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
In addition, some of these 20 Somethings would prefer experiences over things.
I say…give them what they have asked for.
(This from someone who didn’t register for much…and got things we haven’t used in 35 years)
A good friend’s daughter is getting married in Sept and is doing this. And my son is getting married in October and is doing this. It didn’t exist “in my day” but it seems to have become fairly common.
I am totally not a fan of this. I sincerely hope neither of my Ds would consider doing this.
I used to be biased against these things but have rethought my stance on it. It’s different these days. People get married later, more established, have stuff and/or are less into collecting material possessions/clutter (people have already set up kitchens, entertain less formally, etc.) and place more value on experiences (which I think is super). I no longer see anything wrong with it and just a reflection of changing times and values. If folks don’t want to contribute they can choose not to.
Back when I got married, several of our guests complained that we were not registered for formal china and thus wanted cash (which those guests found offensive). At the time we had no use for formal china (no formal dining room or formal dining room furniture (just a kitchen table in an apartment)). My response was if you want to buy me something that will sit in storage for at least 5 years (and in the end it would have been more because neither of us have any use at all for formal china) buy us formal china. But at the time, we desperately needed furniture (hand me down/mix match college apartment furniture wasn’t cutting it). No one was giving us enough to buy a couch so cash was the best option because we could pool it and buy furniture.
Times change. No doubt some people won’t like this approach. So be it. Give them your own gift (either cash separately or buy the couple a present). Or don’t give any gift at all. Or just don’t go to the wedding. To me, it shouldn’t be an issue either way. Though I will admit, I am very much a practical person.
I am also evolving my view about this. I used to think it was ticky tacky and I kind of still do, but I now think it’s okay so long as there are price ranges involved. When I got married 25 years ago, we registered for an assortment of items ranging in price from about $20 up to over $1000 (if you were inclined to buy our entire silver service). I can absolutely see my D doing this, she and her bf love to travel and are not materialistic. I could see them putting up a registry to get musical instruments and related items.
I would just give whatever amount you would’ve spent on a present anyway. If you feel strongly about it, then just buy whatever particular gift you think is appropriate.
Times have changed, and this has become pretty common among the more practical younger generation. I don’t see this as being any different from giving a cash gift when all’s said and done.
I’m with the others above who said they are coming around to this. I would give them whatever amount you would spend on a gift and call it a day. Times are different than when most of us married!
I’m done with the concept, as I value experiences also, but if the site they are using charges any kind of fee, I would rather give them a check for an amount and not go through the site.
I think it’s a fantastic idea. A relative did this for their wedding last year. The website had the destination of the honeymoon with all sorts of possible contributions you could make in various increments. You could contribute to the airfare, hotel, dinners at specific restaurants, sightseeing tour packages, etc. They had personalized it so you knew what intrigued them about the destination, what they hoped to see on the trip, why they chose certain sights and restaurants, etc. I loved contributing to a tour that I wished I could go on. I think most things were broken into $10 and $25 increments- so you could choose 5 $25s while someone else could choose 3 $10s if that fit their budget. Their thank you card was specific and personal to the event we chose. I’m a fan.
Interesting…
I am in the gap where I haven’t been to many weddings for about 20 years now. But now my nieces, nephews and friend’s kids are coming to the age where I will be going to more weddings. In fact, we are hosting a huge wedding at our home next year. I can see how the honeymoon/huge trip will be what these kids want more than anything else. I just wish it didn’t have to be a ‘Fund Me’ type thing. That is the part I kind of consider a little tacky.
I hate this idea, a lot. And I realize I am in the minority.
I think a wedding gift is an expression of our love and affection and good wishes for your future. Or, at the most practical sense, it is a way of showing support by relieving the new couple of some of the burden of setting up house. So if you’ve already set up house, it comes down to the metaphorical good wish. “Hey, I want 20 bucks, gimme some” doesn’t work for me. “we could afford to do this, but would rather you pay for it, that’s why we picked an exotic locale” seems tacky and rude.
And no, I have never ever given money as a wedding present. And no, I was not registered as a bride, either. And no, no money dance at the reception. Perhaps I am feeling curmudgeonly as my oldest is iin a wedding this fall, and the bridge/groom have already backed up a vaccum and plugged it directly into their attendants’ bank accounts.
My S and his bride did this. She is Chinese and when I mentioned a registry at all, she stated that in her culture red envelopes, hong bao, are all that are needed, and didn’t see the reason for a registry. I stated that some are more comfortable with a registry, so they picked out a few items and also chose some travel experiences for their honeymoon. They used Zola, which is one place shopping for both experiences and registry items. They received some of both.
When his friend got married, I rather enjoyed giving a rafting through the orangutans experience in Borneo.
I once contributed to a new viola bow for my niece, though can’t remember if that was for the wedding.
I don’t really see a huge difference between a gift registry and a honeymoon registry.
I don’t see a difference either. I still feel as if I picked out a gift for them. The gift was a northern lights tour instead of a Keurig.
Also, I guess someone’s feelings might be tied to how they feel about the couple. When the people involved are sweet, caring, thoughtful people, and you know they are not greedy and wanting your money, “buying” part of a trip feels like you’re being included in the fun. I know without a doubt, the couple in my situation would not have cared one lick if we had not been able to give them anything.
I’m a big fan of gift registries as it makes life easier for everyone. I’ve seen honeymoon registries for two weddings I’ve been to recently – I’m still getting used to that concept but I guess if that is what the couple wants then it is their prerogative to include it as an option.
In any case it is ultimately up to the giver of the gift to determine if he/she will give something from a registry (gift or honeymoon) or not.
We gave niece a nanbe bowl and woven ribbon necklace. We will be giving them a coffee table food book and a cookbook and a significant cash check for their wedding. Cash or check gifts are common for HI occasions.
I look at wedding registries as a courtesy couples provide their guests. They are especially helpful due to the variety of circumstances newlyweds are in now. Those who wish to give cash or go outside the registry are always free to do so. I love knowing that the couple will enjoy the gift; only would go off registry for people we know very well.
Our engaged DD initially thought they would opt out of a registry. Her MOH convinced her that all that would do is ensure lots of people asking questions, with much frustration all around.
Shifting social norms abound with weddings. I am trying to keep an open mind.