<p>A Kennedy
Recruited Athlete
Celebrity
Nobel Prize Winner
Multi-Millionaire (Before age 12)
Likely Letter Recipient</p>
<p>Hooks:</p>
<p>Being goldenratiophi</p>
<p>“A Kennedy”: wrong college</p>
<p>^ IDK, I don’t think it matters.</p>
<p>Hook Profile:</p>
<p>Religion: Baha’i </p>
<p>Sexual Orientation: Bisexual</p>
<p>Country of Origin: Afghanistan (born during the Taliban wars of the 90’s, refugee of current conflict, at some point a child soldier)</p>
<p>Parentage: Single parent home, mom making less than 200 Afghanis a year (she couldn’t get out of Afghanistan)</p>
<p>Languages spoken/read: Pashto, Dari, Balochi, Ўзбек(Uzbek), Türkçe, and English
Perfect TOEFL, perfect SATs(and IIs), letter of recommendation from school in Pakistan/UN ISAF troops that got you out of the country.</p>
<p>Other: an amputee, blinded in one eye, able to communicate the horrors of war to an exceptionally liberal audience to give them a life affirming experience that they can tell all their friends about later. ( i.e. Personal Essay is ballin’), and a former spokesperson for the Taliban.</p>
<p>(Note: Yale admitted for a non degree program an actual former spokesperson for the Taliban.)</p>
<p>Hmm not sure. Technically you don’t count for any black/hispanic/native american quotas.</p>
<p>Also, where are your Extra Curriculars?</p>
<p>As a child solider- were you an officer? If not thats not much leadership- it’s laundry list EC’s.</p>
<p>Single parent home? Yawn.
Bisexual? Yale has a million.</p>
<p>Pretty sure your app is incomplete, the recs aren’t from academic teachers. </p>
<p>Amputee? We might have a stubby tip here.</p>
<p>A Bush
A Clinton</p>
<p>No, if you were an amputee and blinded in one eye, then… I am really sorry for you
Spokesman for the taliban, great! We wil admit you, detain you, then notify FBI</p>
<p>^ LOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL…</p>
<p>Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi attended Yale (is still attending?) as a non degree student for regular semesters of study at the invitation of Yale.</p>
<p>Yale also currently refuses the presence of ROTC on campus…</p>
<p>Hence, my joke post about ridiculous conditions being held in higher esteem than normal ones.</p>
<p>uhhh i don’t think the bush family is in very high demand at colleges anymore…</p>
<p>Why not? Regardless of your father’s approval ratings- you still would have legacy to a high profile alumni, and a father and grandfather who were presidents. Plus- you’re filthy rich.</p>
<p>^ It kills me how “filthy” is an adjective to wealth in our society.</p>
<p>Wonder how that came to be…</p>
<p>The last 30 years have pretty much drilled the notion that having wealth precludes having obtained it honestly into America’s collective consciousness.</p>
<p>Filthy rich = good enough to hide money in the desert, like those typical pirate movies.
I think I saw that on Jeopardy</p>
<p>^ Or see the Freeport McMoran buyout of Phelps Dodge and call copper prices accordingly.</p>