Hosting a dozen kids after prom - help me make the rules

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Last year Son and his date didn’t have much to do after prom. I offered to host some kids this year, to make it a more fun experience. Didn’t get a lot of interest until a couple of the kids found out that we have a pool and hot tub. Now I’m trying to figure out what rules to make …</p>

<p>Here’s what I’ve thought of so far:</p>

<p>Obviously, no sex, drugs or alcohol</p>

<p>By five days before the event, I must have each kid’s parents’ phone number and email address</p>

<p>Do I make the decision whether it’s a “lock in”, or do I ask the parents? With school cast parties, the parents sign a slip that says whether they will pick their kids up by midnight or whether the kids will spend the night (after midnight it becomes a lock in). I really don’t want to stay up all night, but I don’t want to let kids leave at 2 am and then tell their parents they were at my house until 7.</p>

<p>I was thinking of having the parents sign a brief release, having them check boxes if their kids are permitted to swim, be in the hot tub and/or jump on the trampoline.</p>

<p>We’ll have snacks, Wii, DDR, DVDs, etc.</p>

<p>I’ve thought of having hangers and dry cleaner bags for each kid so random tux parts don’t get left at my house.</p>

<p>Veterans, help me out here. What am I forgetting?</p>

2

<p>How many kids? I would set a time your want the kids to arrive, say by 2 p.m. Otherwise you will have lots of partiers dropping by all thru the night, and those kids will probably be drinkers. Also, I would not let anyone leave once they got there, so they don’t go out for beer, etc.</p>

3

<p>Hmm… gifts for your neighbors if there will be loud pool-usage in the middle of the night?</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

4

<p>My son went to a post-prom overnight and it was clear it was an “overnight” - no early checkouts. One kid did have to leave because his parents were driving a distance to his brother’s college graduation early the next day but that had been pre-arranged and cleared with both sets of parents.</p>

<p>The parents all knew each other so had contact info for all.</p>

<p>Boys and girls played games, ate, etc. for hours but slept in different rooms (girls in bedrooms, boys in the finished basement). The dad of the hosting couple volunteered to sleep with the boys in the basement and did so! (I recall him telling me he was going to do this and I certainly would not have asked it but did think it was exceptionally responsible and sporting of him!) Other families may have less strict rules about this aspect.</p>

<p>I volunteered to prepare a make-ahead French toast breakfast for the morning after so that the exhausted host and hostess did not have to do that themselves. I included the casseroles, syrup, fresh fruit, orange juice, etc. and passed it all on to them at the pre-prom get-together.</p>

5

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<p>Actually, it shouldn’t be a huge problem. The people next door are moving and in this market, I anticipate a long vacancy. The people behind us also have a senior, so if they aren’t having kids over, I still bet they’ll understand. The other neighbor is the farthest away from the pool.</p>

6

<p>I think an overnight would be best.
One of my older daughters classmates hosted an overnight after graduation that worked well, the kids came in after a controlled cruise boat party at about 3am, they went to sleep and parents made them brunch in late morning.</p>

<p>It was a fun get together for the parents too.</p>

7

<p>Last year, we hosted an overnight because we were the only parents willing to do it co-ed.</p>

<p>My husband did sacrifice an entire night’s sleep though…not because other parents were concerned but because he wanted to know for a fact that our rules were followed. He stayed up all night.</p>

<p>The kids returned to the house around 12:30am and we had a full pancake/sausage/bacon breakfast ready for them (12 kids total). The herded to our finished basement where they watched a movie for a little while, but were exhausted. When I made my final check around 3am, we had two girls sleeping upstairs in our extra bedroom, and the rest on sleeping bags in the basement. Guys on one side of the room, girls on the other. My husband checked downstairs every hour or so, but they were out cold.</p>

<p>Bagels, coffee and juice in the morning before they all left by noon.</p>

8

<p>Here were a couple of helpful threads. Good luck.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/350384-dos-donts-hosting-post-prom-party.html?highlight=prom+party[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/350384-dos-donts-hosting-post-prom-party.html?highlight=prom+party&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/328314-help-post-prom-party-now-scheduled-our-house.html?highlight=prom+party[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/328314-help-post-prom-party-now-scheduled-our-house.html?highlight=prom+party&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

9

<p>I guess it all depends on the types of kids involved. If they are making great choices, not as many rules are necessary. On the other hand, senior year does seem to be a time when even the best behaved kids can have have their first misstep. </p>

<p>Probably the best scenario is to have enough adults passing by consistently throughout the event. This way there is lots of prevention, and an ability to respond to whatever might not have been planned for with some good adult guidance.</p>

10

<p>Wow, my parents are telling me to be home by 5 in the morning and dont be stupid…</p>

11

<p>Thanks for the links. Just read jym626’s thread…hysterical - a gallon and a half of rum! Yikes!</p>

12

<p>I agree it depends on the kids involved.</p>

<p>I would tell them that they should be in my home by a certain time, depending on what other after-prom activities there are. (2am?) By then, most will be done with their drinking, unless they are really hardcore about it, and let’s hope you don’t end up with one of those in your house.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t let them go back out, but I certainly wouldn’t call it “lock-in”. If you really don’t trust them, take their car keys as a stipulation for being in your home. </p>

<p>My attitude is to set clear boundaries: no drinking in my home, girls sleep here, boys sleep there, and then, leave them alone. Maybe wander through once (for a snack in the kitchen). But I could afford to do that because I knew my kids didn’t want wild behavior in their own home (they were both pretty protective of their homefront!), and I knew their friends pretty well. </p>

<p>And, I would put away the trampoline. THAT would keep me up all night worrying! Can you imagine, a drunken teenager on a trampoline? At first, I thought it would be overkill to have their parents sign releases for permission to use the pool, hot tub, etc. But the more I think of possible scenarios, the more I agree it would be wise.</p>

13

<p>My rules: No alcohol, no drugs, no sex. No one leaves until 6 am and take their keys.
Depending on where you live - also make a rule about not leaving your property.
Of course, no destruction of personal property - especially yours!</p>

14

<p>It might be a downer for the kids, but I really don’t think they’ll be allowed in the back yard (for pool, hot tub,* or *trampoline) without an adult present. (The trampoline does have a net.) One of my friends had a very scary incident where a high school girl who swore she could swim couldn’t…his oldest daughter was able to pull the girl out, but they still had to call the EMTs.</p>

15

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<p>My son can just tell everyone that his nutsy mom is a lawyer and can’t help herself…</p>

<p>When we first got the trampoline we became very popular among the neighborhood kids and no one jumped without a release signed by their parents. I always thought, “If they don’t want to sign, that’s one less kid playing in my yard.”</p>

16

<p>In terms of swimming and the release, I do see the point. My one question is what if someone is 18? I think at that point senior year, about the half the class should be, and it does seem a lot odd to require parental permission for an 18-year-old, when they’ll be in college to endanger themselves however they want soon enough. That said, your house, your rules, and I’m sure you can ask whatever you want. Probably somewhat dependent on the kids and parents involved, who you know.</p>

17

<p>The point is more so the parents know what the kid is doing. If the kid has a big dance audition coming up, the parents can tell them and me that it would be a bad idea for them to jump on a trampoline. Or maybe “Sweetie, I know you’re hiding your pregnancy, but please don’t go into the hot tub…”</p>

18

<p>We did this two years ago, with the pool in the backyard as well.</p>

<p>First, once I agreed to do this, I had many parents calling me (and profusely thanking me) to offer food, etc. for the evening. Take them up on it when offered. We actually went the fondue theme route, so I did have to borrow some fondue sets. I think there was one young man who wasn’t allowed to stay the night due to an early morning obligation, and his dad came to pick him up (he told me when he arrived that night). Daughter had been very articulate that no crashers were allowed. If you came, you stayed, or there would be a phone call to your parents by me. </p>

<p>Our prom is always held on a Friday, and while it is an early release day, most of the kids have been up since before 7AM, and by the time they arrive at your house… with nice comfy couches, a TV, and some munchies, I found they didn’t have that much energy. We really heated the pool so it was almost like a hot tub, which added further to the drowsyness. You probably won’t have to worry too much about boistrous kids - they’re going to be exhausted. Some magical transformation happens when they change out of their formal wear into their flannels PJs. </p>

<p>However, for sleeping arrangements, the boys slept in the finished basement, and the girls scattered between the first floor and second floor. I strategically positioned myself at the top of the basement stairs once everyone was settled (perhaps between 4-5AM) on a makeshift ‘resting’ spot, and maybe catnapped for an hour or two. When husband woke up around 6:30AM, it became his shift, and I headed up to bed for a couple of hours sleep. When the kids started getting up, I got up, got the breakfast stuff ready, and stayed up until the last kids left (before lunch). As soon as they were gone, I went back to bed and slept another 4-5 hours. </p>

<p>I don’t know if taking keys is worth it; kids are on to that rule. They bring two sets, give you one, then still have a set on them. Because of how our house is laid out, I was able to dead-bolt the front and back door once everyone was asleep, yet I was positioned such that, had an emergency occured, I had easy access to both front and back doors to unlock them if anyone needed to get out. </p>

<p>The rest of the weekend was awash for me, but it was worth it.</p>

<p>Not all adults can manage this, but I’ve hosted several co-ed sleepovers (cast parties, etc.), with pretty much the same rules, and for the most part, they’ve been successful. I also am always offered lots of help from other parents regarding supplies, etc., and sometimes their social presence earlier in the night.</p>