This. It takes a while for people to really believe you, but making them understand that this is your absolute pleasure and no keeping score is critical.
Interesting post. I have plenty of friends and social interactions for me (also an introvert), but wish we had more couple events. H works long hours and travels, so this is part of the problem. He isn’t available and he hasn’t made the friends I have. We do have people over for holidays and participate in neighborhood get togethers (or at least I do!) When H slows down, I will have to try harder to make some evening events work.
I swim with a group and do social stuff with people there, plus am in a book club and help keep a neighborhood mixer alive. Some of my old “mommy” groups still meet for Bunco or cocktails or movies. I have some friends I see in small groups for lunch or drinks. I have gone back to school and look forward to adding some school friends and school activities.
People do seem more intimidated by hosting. I have had more success getting girlfriends together by meeting at a restaurant. Good luck. I’d just say keep trying and make it clear you enjoy this.
My friends are so convinced it’s my absolute pleasure that I’m regularly asked to give parties for friends of friends, visiting from out of town. If you want to achieve a full house, VeryHappy, that’s definitely how to do it. 
My friends don’t entertain like this, they never did. Only when they had something to celebrate like a new kitchen. Even then it wasn’t a dinner party, but a big party, usually potluck.
We actually were the ones who threw dinner parties for up to 10, but we don’t anymore. Guests would talk about how their parents used to do that. We never once got reciprocated to an actual dinner party. Just invites to big parties or to meet at restaurants. Sometimes we have cocktails before going out, but not always.
DH said people like to throw big parties because it’s more bang for your buck. So…we don’t do those anymore. We entertain alit at the cottage on weekends and have one big party at Xmas time, but the rest of the time we go out to eat.
My younger sister likes to throw big (100+) parties at their gorgeous, large home, We prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings where folks can talk and hear one another. Different strokes, but we often end up dining out rather than at folks’ homes, just because everyone is so busy these days.
We will be empty nesters in a less than a week and we just moved out of state. In our last neighborhood, we mostly got together with friends and neighbors for impromptu “fire pit” nights or around big sporting events. We typically hosted NYE and Super Bowl every year (big parties). I enjoyed it, mostly, but the formal entertaining started getting old as there was little reciprocity. We did go out with other couples though to dinner or to sporting events.
Our new neighborhood does a weekly get together over the summer, rotating in people’s back yard. It’s after dinner though and usually drinks and desserts. Nice, low key way to get together and has been great for us to meet people. Some of the women pulled me aside the first week and told me we have a group that meets for cocktails once/month after the summer get togethers end.
I’m hoping to make enough connections to start hosting small dinner parties. We’ll see if the reciprocity is any better here. I’d also like to join a book club that may also do some periodic dinner parties.
I get a lot of anxiety about entertaining. My family sort of dreads it. I almost think if I did it more, that I would be less anxious. Once everyone has seen my house (really) clean, I am ok with just it being regular clean. We host family Christmas dinner and a couple backyard party type things each year. I am back on my book club schedule. We just upsized and truth be told I am house-proud and happy to have people over more. Just this year we have had my teens’ friends over a lot more and I get less antsy each time.
One thing I will mention is that my SIL is an awesome entertainer. It is intimidating. And I am not sure she really enjoys it.
I used to get anxious but I really have it down. Put the wine glasses in a certain place, with the wine, the Pellegrino, some sliced limes and the corkscrew. Put the munchies in a certain place, with the cocktail napkins. Set the table. Fill the ice bucket and the pitchers with water. Get the serving platters ready. Do a little schedule so I know when to turn on the oven, put stuff in, take stuff out. It just takes practice.
I will come!
We typically entertain outdoors in the summer…cook outs and the like at the lake near our house.
Sometimes I’ll have a group of my friends over for brunch…fellow retirees so we have flexible schedules.
Like others, we also go out to socialize as well.
Our big outing now a Days is ball room dance parties!
When our kids were young, we entertained several times a year, mostly extended family. Since they and I developed chronic health issues, we mostly entertain by taking folks out to meals instead of having folks here. It’s better for the kids to know that they can crash at home when they need to. We don’t miss entertaining, as long as we can meet with friends. We do enjoy chatting with folks, but everyone is so busy it’s hard to schedule.
I am like @veryhappy. I am the hostess for our tight group of friends and enjoy having my friends over a lot. We have a group of six families that do everything together. We are all empty nesters now and make a big effort to get together every 2 weeks or so. But everything is always at my house. We make it different, like mentioned above. We do hand made pizzas, we have movie night outdoors with a big screen (try getting 12 men and women to agree on a movie!!), dance parties, sushi at sunset, Christmas and every holiday, pasta dinners.
All of the events are always at my house because it is set up the best for entertaining. I am thinking of down sizing soon and have no idea what is going to happen to the group or where we will get together. It makes me sad because I really enjoy everyone. The best part is our kids happily join in whenever they are available since we have all been together since they were young. It will be really sad when everyone starts to retire and possibly move away.
Oh coralbrook, I hope your friends stick around SD! It is such a nice area. If we were not in Seattle, I’d move to SD in a heartbeat.
We make plans with three different couples weeks/month ahead. One we meet in a restaurant taking turns
choosing a new place in the city. A few emails and a text just before is all the effort it takes. Neither of us have ever cancelled and we have done this about 4 times a year for 6 years.
Another couple is crazy busy with grandkids and dogs and we usually get together 4 times a year for lunch.
Another couple is also a few times a year at each other homes for dinner.
I have a Mah Jongg group but we do not socialize.
I have been for fortunate that D’s friends stay in contact with me and a few come over for dinner.
One of her friends and two little ones (sometimes H) were here twice a week for the last two years.
They moved out of state a few weeks ago and H and I feel the hole they have left.
D and SIL moved here a week before that and we see them once a week. SIL is fabulous and does things
such as asks just me to happy hour or lunch. He hikes with H.
We have another couple in their mid 50’s who we see a few times a month. We are in our late 60’s so
they are more like family.
Sounds great except that we do not have that same age, same stage of life group that is what we
need. We entertain with ease and while not informal not stuffy either. We do not care if they reciprocate
but I have been miffed the last few times that guests have not bothered with a short thank you text.
We had some close friends who cancelled constantly and one showed up for our holiday party of
16 late–1.5 hours–“we went to the mountain to see the snow”. It was unbelievably disruptive.
We stopped including them in any of our (now rare) dinner parties as they couldn’t be counted on.
They cancel or are late ever time sometimes when the meal is being prepared. Even when
told lightly about this they have become defensive.
Last minute “want to meet at a restaurant” works best.
I broke up with a number of “friends” about 10 years ago when I realized that I really did not enjoy them. One was whiner and one a gossip another bragged constantly.
We would love to have a regular group and especially have a few couples to travel with and go hiking.
I am torn about the adult communities around as I like seeing children out playing. I also worry
that we might need to raise a grandchild–which is pretty nuts as that could not really
happen–but still.
We have been a bit neglectful of friends and socializing. We do get together with my many siblings, all of which live on our island. We do try to take my folks out. I try to have lunch with one of my friends when she can spare the time. Other friends we have to remember to get together.
We see H’s brother a few times/year—we always fly up and lately have been staying with him because otherwise we don’t spend much time with him at all.
Thanks for this thread. We really need to work harder on socializing more so we don’t become isolated and lonely as we age.
Yes, I am afraid that if DH dies before me, I won’t speak to anyone for days on end. I speak to my sister four or five times a week, but she lives in CA and I live in CT. I don’t see her that often.
I do meet lots of girlfriends for lunch – that’s my main socialization lately. Since I’m mostly retired, I can travel. I have an old HS friend who lives about three hours away and we both drive an hour and a half a few times a year to meet for lunch. I’ve had local ladies here at my house for lunch. I meet friends in various restaurants around the area a few times a year.
But I still want to have lots of people in my house.
A neighborhood near ours has a thriving dining out group made up mostly of widows. It was so successful it split into two groups. Meanwhile, our neighborhood has a dining group made of couples that is limping along. I think couples are harder to organize. More schedules and more personalities to figure out.
We would like to have a set of couples we could travel with, active couples with means. My husband is on board with the idea. But we haven’t found any. I have adventurous girlfriends from running and swimming who like to travel to events with me, but their husbands aren’t active. H has some active, well off friends, but then their wives aren’t active.
I think I am more tolerant of people than DH. Even if I don’t like them, I still enjoy them. I find different people interesting, even if I think they’re silly or dull. DH doesn’t want to get together with dull people. I think they’re OK if you mix them in with others. But DH has nixed my extending invitations to certain couples.
Very interesting conversation, here! We have three couples we socialize with regularly. Two of the three we have known for almost 35 years now and we share all important life cycle events together. The third are our closest day-to-day friends and we traveled with them for the first time in July, sharing a house on Martha’s Vineyard. Funny story - we met this couple on a baseball field through our then 8 year-old sons, but it turned out I had been the husband’s RA in college back in the day. His wife lived two floors down…it’s truly a small world!
We took a small ship cruise a couple of years ago and met a couple we have kept in touch with. They live about 1,000 miles away from us. We once had a conversation about how unusual it seemed to meet a couple with whom both spouses connected at this point in our lives. We travelled with them again, visited them at their vacation home and have plans to get together again this coming year. My H sometimes remarks that we should expand our circle, but it’s not like he’s going to go out and make new friends even though he’s the one who will talk to anyone.
Although I love entertaining (have most family holidays here and have hosted a New Year’s Day party for anywhere from 15-50 for the past 20 years), but I too find that we go out more than have people over. I’m not sure why, since I really enjoy everything about having small dinner parties, but it just seems to work out that way. If we downsize, what I’ll miss most is having the room for great, sprawling parties.
We love to socialize. DH and I get together with three couples every 4-6 weeks for happy hour or dinner. A group of us friends also get together for community events - concerts, festivals, etc. DH and I also host an annual holiday party for 75. If our house were bigger, we’d invite more. Recently, we tried something new and hosted a political gathering.
Yeah, I’m thinking we might host an election night event, although we’d probably wind up staying up pretty late.
And of course we’d only invite people who agree with us. 