Just happened to flip through a local Parks and Rec flyer before sticking it in the recycling bin. Apparently, there is an outings program offered to seniors/retirees: lunchtime bus trips to hiking places and nice restaurants with reservations pre-made for all. I suppose folks can socialize on these trips. There is even a Sky City lunch with time to wander around the city center. Just pay the fee. Sounds cool, and I suppose an extrovert can make new connections. 
I wonder if social media and being online has resulted in less face-to-face socializing. Do some feel that they stay connected online and thus feel less need to do so in person? Does it suck up time that would otherwise be spent socializing with others? It definitely feels like there are less dinner parties and gatherings than there were back in our parentsā heydays or even less than just a decade or two ago.
āWe would like to have a set of couples we could travel with, active couples with means. My husband is on board with the idea. But we havenāt found any.ā
Sounds like a good idea for a money-making enterprise, similar to online dating! Couple friend matchmaking. I agree it is hard to find other couples where everyone meshes and you share interests.
Iāve gotten much more involved in local philanthropic and political organizations on the local level. I host and attend meetings and events that serve as my socializing to a large degree although they are often working meetings not social in nature. Most of the people Iāve met through this involvement are older and younger, though, rather than my age.
I have no problem with older and younger friends. We have several of those. Itās more fun, IMO.
Agreed. I enjoy interacting with a mix of ages. I feel I learn more from the conversations.
If you have a nice group who all get along, why not start a supper club? That way youāll set the dates, say the third Thursday each month, something like that? Take turns. Or if you want to host every time, make every other one a potluck?
Iām like you exactly, mostly introverted but whenever we do have a successful dinner party I swear Iām going to do it more often, then I donāt. Or like you say, it gets difficult to find a good date for everyone.
I do prefer going to peopleās homes over restaurants, itās difficult to hear in a noisy restaurant and you only get to talk to the people close to you in the restaurant whereas in a home, I can move around and see everyone. We are also pretty cheap, 30 years ago we moved from a populated area to a rural area, tried all the restaurants and decided we could do better at home. Now, after all these years cooking plus the new ability to find ideas and recipes online, there are few times that we go out and donāt think, āhmm, for what my meal cost, I could have fed the table just as well or betterā and that does not count alcohol. But we have a group of friends who really like to go out and we will always go with them, even when we know we can do it better 
Regarding traveling with others, we have an in law who retired and spends more than half the year cruising, often SCUBA diving, they have found people on those cruises who they enjoy and now meet up for other cruises. A perfect way to find those with similar interests.
We have 2 couple friends we rotate houses every other month. I have another group of friends who we get together in restaurants and events and parties. Then we have a couple friend who we tend to meet out at restaurants. Tonight I was making a blue apron for dinner and called a neighbor couple to join us last minute after my daughter decided to go out instead. I throw a few big family events a year including thanksgiving.
Right now Iām dreaming of doing nothing this weekend but watch Anne with an e on Netflix.
I am very recently widowed and I can say that if I hadnāt finally opened up and formed a really close group of friends, I would have nothing. I was an introvert, very private, and just lived vicariously through my Hās activities. I did not like to socialize much. My H (who had no problem having a million great friends) and I finally clicked with a group of people through the oddest activity, My D (at age 7) and I joined a hula group because it was important to her grandmother that she learn hula. I saidā¦OK, Iāll drag myself to the classes.
I just want to throw this outā¦put yourself out there now, before itās too late. Work hard at finding friends and people you like. The ones that make you laugh all the time no matter what you are doing together. Ones you can share the highs and lows with. People where you are comfortable just hanging out at each otherās house and you can vacation with. It is precious and important.
Some of us have means, some donāt. Those of us with means just quietly cover some extra things because being together is more important than a bit of money. For example, when we vacation together several couples will say āOhā¦weāll take the master bedroomā (we love to go to huge vacation rentals and hang out together) and then just pay a much larger share so that others can pay less. Some have different cleanliness standards than others in the group. We just plan everything at the houses that we are more comfortable in. It all just evolves. To the point that everyone pitches in and cleans up before they leave.
Sure, you could go out and join some new activities to meet people if life gives you a bad turn, but itās not going to get any easier as we age. I still have no interest in going to casual social events where I have to make small talk and I would have a really hard time putting myself out there, especially right now.
One of my dearest friends from intermediate school has a friend group of 6 or so couples. They go to Vegas together, celebrate birthdays and other events together. One of the families experienced a sudden tragedy when their youngest D fell on a hike and died. The other couples/families and rallied round and are helping as much as they can to ease the excruciating burden. Iām glad the friend group all has each other.
I donāt have a comparable friend group that is as tight-knit, but I do have my extended family.
We moved five years ago and I have neither a group of friends nor extended family. I miss my book club and my church groups, but I havenāt been able to replace them with something comparable. Now I am caring full time for my mom, so I really need to look for social outlets that occur during the evenings when DH or D1 can care for mom for a couple of hours.
Years ago we were the house where everyone congregated. Iāve become much more introverted so I donāt think I could handle that responsibility now but I do need to make an effort to get out more!
This thread really made me think over the different social phases of my life. When DH and I were young Yuppies, we socialized a lot with his work friends and his old friends from childhood and college when we traveled. We had an annual Bastille Day party that was the hit of the year. I had workplace friends, but none from earlier.
Then when we moved to the suburbs, had the baby (now 30), and I was a SAHM, those local friends kind of disappeared. We had been their exotic city friends but they already had social groups in the burbs. That was a disappointment. I spent much of the next 25 years without a real social group other than being a school/Cub Scouts volunteer. It was kind of a cliquey upscale town and we were not really their demographic. Great schools though! DH worked long hours and traveled back east a lot to help take care of his parents. So mainly me, DS, and the cat. I got another job which ended up work from home for 10 years, which was great in many ways but quite isolating. Our only entertaining was family, and in the end only my small family for holidays.
I wanted to move away not only to leave winter but also because I had an empty life and literally no one to turn to when, for example, I broke my ankle and was laid up for three months and DH had to go out of town. Our cat sitter was my savior!
We had a slow start in San Diego but ended up developing a social group through a Meetup for people our age. After several months we were invited to join a small dining group. It died away after a year but most of the other diners became our friends along with several other Boomers. There are tons of scheduled events and I know there will always be friendly faces and people who want to spend time with me.
One of my social phobias is that everyone else has better friends than me and Iām still stressed when I find myself alone in a group, or know that others are getting together and I wasnāt invited. I know some of that is my fault since Iām reluctant to drive far, especially at night, so have turned down some opportunities. After reading recent posts in various threads, I may rethink one friendās occasional invitation to be a sub at her long time Bunco nights. Even though I donāt know how to playā¦ I could also go to monthly synagogue Sisterhood type events if I could overcome my inertia AKA laziness.
I do enjoy entertaining and our house is really well designed for it. I now have a supply of party plastic ware and guest bathroom towels. Weāve had two annual Chanukah parties and we were about to have our second annual pool party until I broke my foot. Weāve also had a few friends over several times for casual meals. DH is more reluctant than me - he enjoys entertaining but has more parameters than me, like we canāt invite more people than can sit at tables at the same time to eat. A few of the couples we know have infrequent parties at their homes also.
My life is so much richer now socially than I had even hoped for, and I know I could be busier if I wanted. This thread has inspired me to make more effort. Well, after Iām out of the boot and the September holidays and travel are done! If I get a good report from the doctor later this month, we may even try for a more casual pool party over Labor Day weekend.
Iām enjoying reading the different replies on this thread.
I wonder if getting together and entertaining is shifting and changing, similar to other major changes in our culture due to technology?
Itās so easy to ādo your own thingā + āwhenever you want to do itā ā with so many competing entertainment opportunities.
Iād love to be invited over to someoneās house for a nice dinner and the opportunity for good conversation with a mix of people I know and people I donāt know. And Iām an introvert! I donāt know anyone who does that though.
Meetups can be wonderful. Not some big social success, but a way to hang with others who do want to make that same effort. Itās not the number of members that matters, but a smaller, more manageable number going to whatever event it is. (I skip when more than a dozen or so sign up.) My group has a standing weekly coffee date, monthly brunch or dinner dates and so much more- local music, a holiday tour, etc. I just love knowing that, in a tough week, I can show for coffee and we all take interest, as if weād known each other for years.
These people arenāt the sort who invite each other to home dinners. But itās a nice, comfortable connection.
I do have friends with whom we cook/dine at our homes. But we keep the guest number low and nearly always each host invites someone new, to keep some new vibe. Sometimes those new reciprocate, often not. But we know we reached out.
I find a small dinner (6?) makes people hesitant to back out at the last minute.
āIād love to be invited over to someoneās house for a nice dinner and the opportunity for good conversation with a mix of people I know and people I donāt know. And Iām an introvert! I donāt know anyone who does that though.ā
You could be that person who does that. Give it a try.
A nice bonus at our Meetup events is that everyone wears name tags which is really really good for name amnesiacs like me.
Oh no. Hahahaha
Iām the polar opposite of those who love to entertain. I mean, I barely ādoā holidays. The kids make fun of me because I say things to them like āWhatās the MINIMUM you need in order to call this day ==insert birthday, Xmas, Thanksgiving, etc.==ā
Yep. Not happening.
LOL In my post #32 I mentioned a couple who cancel nearly every time.
They called last week and arranged for dinner at their house for tonight.
I contacted her last night to confirm and she was thinking about a local
restaurant which is fine. Her husband called at 3:30 to cancel as she did
not go to work today as she is not feeling well. We were suppose to be there
at 6:30. The Hās arranged for next weekend.
H is defending them and I am not buying it. I guess a call early today would
have been at least reasonable. It just gets tiring.
Today have been setting up a lunch with friends and once it is in place that
will be itāfor a month from now. Friends who we count on and they can count on
us.
@oregon101: They called you to make the date, and then they called you to cancel the date?? And if she was sick enough to not go to work today, then she knew at 8:00 in the morning that she was too sick to see you. Unless she foolishly thought, āIāll take a nap and see how I feel.ā That never works!
Itās kind of like a bank account. If you have ācreditā with someone ā you make a date, it comes off on time ā and that happens over and over. Then if once out of a dozen times something comes up at the last minute, then you can apply some of that ācreditā to the relationship. I was supposed to meet an old friend for lunch once but when I went out to the car I saw I had a flat tire and couldnāt make it. I had ācredit,ā so no problem.
It sounds like this couple has no credit left.
VeryHappy, my thoughts precisely. Well said.
Between this and disruptively arriving late everywhereāunless they get there early and have had
a drink and are vorotiously eating appetizers (we are on time too).
I no longer include them for dinner parties. They would be very upset about this but enough already!
H is slightly in love with the H. That is a joke but he really cares about time with him.
They make plans to play music but H gave up due to the lack of flollow through.
Thanks for the nudge via this thread. We are going to work harder at refreshing our friendships and meeting up with friends more often. Itās easy to let things slide where neither of us call the other though we DO enjoy one anotherās company.