<p>questbest, I am with you there, it is tough to turn off that planning mindset and simply enjoy the moment; before you know it, you are planning again!</p>
<p>I believe the saying that “bad news travels fast.” So, I try and remember to save the energy for when my S actually needs and requests advice, suggestions, guidance. Life (yours and your child’s) happens and some of it will be less than what you might wish and more than what you might fear. IMO you really cannot control this, so why fret.</p>
<p>I think that if you loose your own way in living your life (for any reason including fixating on the “what ifs” as they relate to your child), you are not doing that child, you, your spouse or those others who care for you any favors.</p>
<p>Any suggestions on how to worry less? I find myself thinking about my kids all the time.</p>
<p>The books I have recommended really do have some very excellent suggestions in them.</p>
<p>Some concrete advice (worth every cent you paid for it 
):</p>
<ol>
<li> Volunteer at a local hospital with the babies in ICU.</li>
<li> Volunteer at a soup kitchen or battered women’s shelter</li>
<li> Get involved in a meditation routine.</li>
<li> Take a class in something that interests you.</li>
<li> Take up a new sport</li>
<li> Take up a new hobby</li>
<li> Get a new job or a new career.</li>
</ol>
<p>Also: read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Toll, if you don’t like the other books.</p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>ETA: if you really cannot stop worrying, then you ought to get a therapist and get some help for yourself. JMO</p>
<p>I loved the power of now. I never got through it the few times I tried to, but i think the first few chapters was enough to get me up and running. It really works, but I have yet to master the discipline to remember to do it more frequently than I do!</p>
<p>I would like to put in a vote for seeking out a professional, to teach you now to strike the right balance between thoughtful processing and living in the moment; caring about and for your kids without being consumed with worry. It’s not just you- many of us could benefit from such expertise- but you also sound pretty down with it right now. </p>
<p>I know it is expensive, but just as you probably would have paid for music lessons or sports lessons for your kids, why not invest in the expertise of a professional psychologist to get to where you want to be (where you NEED to be)? It is something that will last a lifetime, not only make you happier but also, a happier and more effective mom will be great asset for your children too.</p>
<p>What helps me is to remember that it is my job to use college as a time to let the little birds test their wings with the idea of flying away on their own in 4 years. I can give advice, I can point out the good and bad to certain actions that they are contemplating–but in the end, they must start making their own choices and priorities and live by the consequences of their actions.</p>
<p>And it is time for me to detach…</p>
<p>I too am a fixer. I just find it so very difficult to sit and watch my daughter (freshman in college) make mistakes that could have a really huge impact on her life. I find myself oscillating from being involved in every detail that she insists on sharing with me to avoiding her altogether in the hope that what I don’t know won’t kill me. </p>
<p>I guess the conundrum is when is exactly do we as parents of very young adults step in? What type of problem would classify as “too big to fail” warranting some parental intervention? I mean surely an immediate life or death situation is easy, but what about other issues? How about not bothering to find out when registration for classes is for Spring Semester? Do you let them scramble and potentially not be able to register for required classes? How long do you let them bury their heads in the sand about really bad grades? Do you let them lose their scholarship or do you step in? Do you tell them they are being studid for getting engaged 1 month into the school year to a boy she hardly knows? Do you just ignore it or tell them exactly how you feel when they ask you your opinion? </p>
<p>I just seem to be struggling to find some middle ground, of knowing what is expected of me?</p>