<p>So my friend got into both schools and we all know UCSB is way better than UCR, but my friend keeps insisting on attending UCR even though she doesn’t like either. She says it doesn’t matter to her, but I guess part of her reason to selecting UCR is because her boyfriend lives in Pomona and that’s closer to UCR. And I think she is missing out on the opportunity to attend UCSB. Help!</p>
<p>MAKE HER VISIT each! omg! how can anybody pass up SB?!</p>
<p>she already visited and she didn’t like either, but for some reason she’s picking ucr.</p>
<p>What an IDIOT!! Show her this <a href=“The University of California - Riverside (StudentsReview) - College Reviews Summary, Student Opinion, Tuition, Application, Sports”>The University of California - Riverside (StudentsReview) - College Reviews Student Opinion and Undergraduate College Ranking and Comments; read the undergraduate student posts</p>
<p>hey, its her life and she has to live with the consequences. you know the old saying about “you can lead a horse to water …” I think it applies here.</p>
<p>Isn’t it her choice? If she really doesn’t like either, maybe she should go to a community college for two years and then transfer somewhere she really wants to go. Also maybe she has a reason to attend UCR that you don’t know about. Or maybe she is intimidated by the people at UCSB…it probably is not just a random choice. If it is, she isn’t being very smart!</p>
<p>She sounds like the perfect candidate for community college…she’s not sure what she wants yet, so instead of wasting time and money at a school she doesn’t like, she should get her gen ed credits out of the way and make a decision in two years when she will clearly be more mature.</p>
<p>I showed her the students review and I pointed out that only one student had a negative comment about it for sb, and that more than one had negative comments about riverside.</p>
<p>Actually if I wasn’t her college peer counselor she would have never even applied to college, literally. And like she just really doesn’t care about the school and my point is that if she doesnt care than at she should at least get into the best school she was accepted to, in this case it was sb since she was planning on attending a cal state or community college. And the funny thing is that Irvine rejected her and that’s that she was ELC. wasn’t everyone from ELC suppose to get into Irvine, and she told me if she would have gotten in to Irvine she would have probably gone.</p>
<p>And it also isn’t a family thing because her parents don’t care, and she actually wants to leave home. She even threatened me that if I didn’t stop bothering her with Santa Barbara she wouldn’t even go to college at all.</p>
<p>I think one of the major reasons she chooses Riverside is so that she could be near her boyfriend who lives in Riverside or somewhere near. Boyfriends don’t always last, and education does.</p>
<p>Maybe she just doesn’t want to go to college? She might need to just take a break from education for a while, and then maybe in a year or two she’ll value a college education more highly and will be much more motivated to get into good colleges that she actually likes.</p>
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I gave you a bit of a flip answer earlier but I can sense you really care about your friend. So there is a problem here. Unfortunately, its yours! Let me explain.</p>
<p>First, though, let me give you a tip I think you will find valuable for years to come. No matter how bizzare or strange a persons actions seem, everyone’s behavior makes sense to that person. Even a crazy person who hears voices, well, they’re hearing voices. For the more mundane behavior such as the one in this thread, you’re planning for college since it makes sense to you; as you put it, “Boyfriends don’t always last, and education does.” So you value education. But, maybe, maybe, your friend doesn’t.</p>
<p>Now here’s my point. When you’re dealing with adults, as opposed to children, you can’t make their decisions for them. You can give them advice and information, but you can’t tell them what to do. This can be hard to accept, but even the most skilled psychologist knows they can’t change a person who doesn’t want to be changed. And I think you’re in danger of crossing the line from giving info & advice to making decisions. You’re doing it out of love and caring, but its a line that you just shouldn’t cross.</p>
<p>You write “Actually if I wasn’t her college peer counselor she would have never even applied to college, literally.” So what you did is admirable, but perhaps you’re now getting too personally tied up in it. You know a better way and you’re trying to make sure she follows it. But look at that last sentence. “You know a better way” implies you can make better decisions for her than she can. Remember the tip above. Whatever people do make sense to them.</p>
<p>So perhaps she is a person who doesn’t give a darn about education, for whatever reason. Maybe her parent(s) & friends downplay it, maybe she has insecurities about where she might end up if she goes to college (or graduates from college), there’s a million and one reasons that may make perfect sense to her even if she can’t list them. And it isn’t your job to refute them or save her from herself. You gave her good information and were a loyal and supportive friend; you did all you should and now the rest is on her shoulders for better or worse.</p>
<p>The sad truth is we can’t “fix” everyone who has a problem. In adult relationships this sometimes gets termed “co-dependency”. So here’s my advice. Let it go. Don’t insist she goes to UCSB. Don’t even insist on college. Take comfort that you gave her info she didn’t have before and you were there to answer any questions and provide any help you could. Sometimes that just isn’t enough, but its all you can do.</p>
<p>As lauraanne pointed out, maybe she just isn’t ready for college. And that’s unfortunate. I can imagine all kinds of bad things that happen to a person that doesn’t go right off to college; maybe they marry the wrong person, or start having kids, or get stuck in a dead-end job but are living on their own so they can’t stop working and go to college, the list is endless. On the other hand I’ve known several people who admit they weren’t ready for college when they finished HS and a few years on their own straightened them out and got them ready to learn. Who but the gods knows how it will all turn out for your friend? The key thing to remember, though, is you aren’t responsible for the outcome. In fact you can take a great sense of pride that you tried to offer her alternatives. If she declined them its on her shoulders, not yours.</p>
<p>well thanks for the advice, i did learn to accept her decision, and well I should be happy she is going to college and pursuing a post high school education because most kids at my school don’t. We’re inner city…</p>