For the past few years, every school I have shown interest in has been relatively close to home. Recently, I switched the major that I want to pursue and learned that very few schools offer it. One is about three hours from where I currently live (University of New Haven) and my parents have been pushing for me to go there since they heard about it. My top choice is across the country, Seattle University, which is a little over 2,000 miles from where I live in a Philadelphia suburb. When I brought this up to my parents about eight or nine months ago, they immediately shot down the idea, saying that it was too far, and that the costs of traveling would be too excessive. They also continuously bring up how as a kid, I couldn’t even go away for girl scout camp without wanting to come home. I’ve grown to be a lot more independent since then, and they know that, but still use that as an excuse to ignore me.
I keep hinting at the fact that Seattle is the right city for me, but they still refuse to even consider letting me apply and tour there. Every time I try to talk to them about it in a mature and logistical way (to talk about price/student aid/traveling/ect.) they brush me off and make some sort of joke about how I can’t call them to come pick me up when I’m 2,000 miles away. It’s frustrating because I feel like I’m trying to talk seriously about my future and they’re brushing it off and joking about it, and they’re the ones acting immature. How can I convince them to consider the possibility of me leaving the nest and going to school so far away in a way that can’t be turned around into a joke or a snide remark about me when I was 9 years old?
Are they willing to pay for you going to that university is the first question that needs to be ask. They may or may not have a good reason for not wanting you to move that far. Travel expenses would be significant for that distance. I can’t answer your question but they do have valid concerns.
@Grainraiser While loans would be taken out in their name, it would be 100% my responsibility to pay them back, as well as paying for some travel expenses. I have a job and am currently expected to pay for pretty much everything already.
It is very expensive to fly across country, and you can expect to do it at least 3 times a year, for winter, spring, and summer break. Flights at Xmas time will cost more, and Thanksgiving airfares will be even worse.
I suggest you do some research on the cost of airfare and add that to the expected cost at Seattle University to offer your parents an unformed perspective.
Also, how do you know that “Seattle is the right city for me”? Have you actually visited it?
You will need to articulate explicit and objective reasons to your parents why the city of Seattle fullfills your education & career goals in a way other places cannot.
According to their website a year at the University of Seattle is around $58,000. I’m not sure if you will be able to get any merit money due to be a transfer student. I can’t imagine you have saved that kind money working a normal job. I would suggest you really crunch the numbers to see if this is even a viable plan. $58k a year is a hell of alot of money for most folks.
@Grainraiser the cost of attending University of New Haven is $53,000 a year. It’s a private school, not a public.
So the costs are not all that much different. Well…transportation costs need to be added in…but really, on trip out in the fall, one trip home at Christmas, one trip home for the summer. The student can make other arrangements for Thanksgiving and Spring Break.
To the OP…what is this “special major” that is offered at very few colleges? My bet is that it is also offered at some other schools thst are a tad closer to home.
For the record…we also had a distance criteria that we told our kids was non-negotiable. Either within 3 hours drive of our house…or within 1 hour drive of a close friend or relative. The kid who went across the country was in the same town as a very close friend, and an hour away from relatives.
58000-53000 = 5000. Figure 3 round trip tickets at 500 each for you, plus two for the parents (who will undoubtedly want to see the campus too) that’s another 2500, plus say 600 for extra lodging and meals… That’s about 8000 difference, close to 15%.
I wouldn’t automatically assume that a 3.4 GPA is similar to a 4.0 or a 3.0 (rough numbers). That 8000 per year for them might be as difficult to find as 3 ACT points is for you.
$8000 a YEAR? You are adding in the oarents flying out with the kid every year? Why?
My opinion…once you hit the over $50,000 a year mark for costs…it’s not that dissimilar.
But really…I still want to know what this special major is that the only two choices for,this applicant are in Seattle and New Haven. I don’t believe that is the case. And if my kid tried to convince me that going across the country for that reason was it…I would say “prove it”.
Reality check…this student is in HS, and has already “changed his major” idea. No guarantee that he or she will ven continue to major in this “special not too common” major once he gets to college. Heck…he could change his mind before next May 1 when he has to choose a college.
This is probably not a battle you’re going to win. I would suggest you consider a cross country school for graduate school and do the undergraduate close by.
You can’t know what it’s like to be that far away because you haven’t done it yet. If your parents don’t think you’re ready, then you’re probably going to have to make peace with that and focus on going to a school that they are ok with for undergrad.
8k a year includes 5k in base cost difference, plus 3k in associated extra expenses. 3 grand for a couple of round trips when necessary and/or lodging doesn’t seem unreasonable. Plus, the 'rents are paying for it, who wouldn’t want to see the campus first hand once or twice. Anyway, I didn’t factor in a 4% annual increase, which I probably should have.
The point is, it’s around 9% difference on face value and more realistically it’s going to be about 9% plus 2000 - 3000.
I kind of have the opposite view … at very small numbers I lose 10-15% in the noise. The larger the number, the more attention it gets.
Most undergrad majors are pretty general and grad school is where you can study a particular focus in more depth.
I have also seen quite a few college students who wanted to be far away and then transferred back closer to home.
With either school, if you are borrowing $200,000, that is too much! If the majority of the loans are in your parents’ name, even if you are planning to pay them back, they are still in your parents’ name and might affect any future borrowing power for siblings, car, etc.
@50N40W I think the parents of the OP might be thinking that the 9 or 10% distance difference is going to be coming out of their pockets, vs. the loans that (hopefully) won’t if the kid stays close by.
To a lot of people that money “hurts” a lot more when it’s dispersed that way.
@Pizzagirl … very small numbers are five to ten dollars. That’s where I lose interest in worrying about it. Copper wire was invented by two engineers fighting over a penny after all.
An earlier post said that once the price is north of $50,000 the difference doesn’t matter as much. I can’t get my head around that, and that is the statement to which I was responding.
@MotherOfDragons agreed. Also, it’s possible that 50k is their absolute limit of pain. I can deal with 5hrs sleep. Uncomfortably and crabbily, but successfully. 4.5 is a real chore.
I posted the comment about >$50,000 costs. My point was…neither of these schools is a financial bargain. They both cost in excess of $50,000 a year.
What we don’t know…is if the parents are even willing to and can pay THAT amount for college. For all we know, they have said instate public or bust. The OP said they are encouraging him to apply to University of New Haven but he hasn’t said if his oarents will pay the full cost.
And I still want to know this “special major” that is on,y offered at >$50,000 a year colleges. I doubt that is true.
This kid lives in the Philly suburbs. There are hundreds of colleges in that $50,000 price range within a rather short distance from his home. Hundreds.
I know UNH and know several kids who attend/have attended.
I cannot fathom being full pay there. It is a private university on a reasonably ugly campus which is not within walking distance of downtown New Haven (which has student-type restaurants, bookstores, and lots of things to do on the weekend). From UNH you can walk to a Walmart and an Aldi supermarket? Or a huge VA hospital???
OP- surely there are other colleges besides Seattle and UNH which will be affordable AND acceptable to both you and your parents.
You live in PA- there have got to be hundreds of colleges within a day’s drive. What is so special about either of these schools?
However, if there are parent loans or parent-cosigned student loans needed, the school is likely to be unreasonably expensive for you. (That may apply to both schools.)
In any case, even if your parents are being unreasonable, they do have absolute veto power over your college choices unless you earn a full ride merit scholarship or become independent for financial aid purposes (age 24, military veteran, married).
I confess I never even heard of the U of Seattle. It doesn’t seem like it’s in a part of the country where a specific program might be offered that’s available only a few other places (eg marine biology or oceanography or something).
Just clarifying…you’ll be entering as a freshman, not a transfer, right? How much can your parents pay per year? It sounds like your plan is for them to take out loans so you can go OOS. Did they say they were willing to do that? It’s generally not a good idea to borrow more than the federal student loan amount ($27k over 4 years) for an undergrad degree.
If travel expenses are too much, it’s possible that OOS tuition is more than they can afford too. By limiting you to a 3 hour radius there are likely instate schools that will be among your options in the spring. It’s not unheard of for parents to allow one expensive school to be added to the application list, but then take it off the table when more affordable acceptances become available. If your parents stick to a limited geographical area, I wouldn’t be surprised to see New Haven rejected next spring in favor of a lower cost college.
What’s this special major you’re looking for? If you give us your test scores and gpa, we can try to help you find other options.