So I am a sophomore in college and I decided to room with one of my roommates from last school year. She moved in a little earlier than me and as a result she has had the chance to familiarize herself with our suite mates, who are all also sophomores. It seems like everyone in our suite wants to be super close/hang out together and while I am not against that and have been hanging out with them, I’m having trouble getting comfortable/being myself around them.A couple of days ago we went out to a party together and that was fun, but I feel like I could have been more social. We went out to eat last night and I feel like out of everyone I talked the least. I think some of what makes it difficult to feel comfortable is I am worried they might think I am too awkward/won’t get my humor. I feel like by me not talking a lot/not really adding much to the friend group, they might be getting the impression that I am not fun/not interested in hanging out with them, which is not true at all. I know it has only been a few days, but I feel like I should be doing some things differently. I do have other friends, who I hung out with last school year and one thing I appreciate about them is they make me feel comfortable with being myself and I feel like I can relate to them more.These girls are sort of different from the people I usually hang out with. So what steps should I make to feel more comfortable around them/be less quiet? I really do not want them to think I am not interested in being friends. Sorry if my grammar is not the best. Thank you in advance.
Start by recognizing that it is ok to hang out with different groups of people and that when you do, there will always be some groups where you feel more at home. Don’t try to force this group to be your primary BFFs. Learning to move gracefully in and out of different social environments is not a natural or easy thing to do but it is a skill that you will use for the rest of your life.
What specific steps should you take to feel less quiet and awkward? Ask questions. Be interested in where your roommates come from and what hobbies/clubs/sports they participate in. If someone has a picture of her dog on her desk…ask about the dog. Stuff like that. You won’t be quiet and awkward if you are genuinely interested in learning more about people.
People love to talk about themselves, so I agree, ask questions. Hang out with your other friends from last year, but give the new living situation time. It’s going to take a little while to adjust. And realize there is nothing wrong with being quiet. It might just take a little while for you to feel comfortable around them. Maybe you can just happily coexist with them and not be best buddies too. That’s ok.
Thank you everyone!!! I appreciate it a lot! 