@katliamom, You are a wonderful neighbor. Could you go over for story time every day at a specific time? Once you’re there, you could read to the little guy (or play with him) so mom can take a break. Then you could ask mom what else she needs. Once you’re there, it will be easier for her to ask for little things. Prayers for the little guy and his family.
Depending on the protocol chemo infusion day isn’t the “worst” day. Generally it is3 days later when pain etc. is the worst.
You are all truly good people.
My husband thought of two more: we are Christian, so ymmv, but someone dropped off a box of everything you need to wrap Christmas presents – paper, tape, gift bags — right after Thanksgiving. And he reminded me of the philosophical point of allowing them to be okay. Sometimes people were shocked and judgemental that we weren’t emaciated and clinically depressed all the time. And someone complained they hadn"t gotten a thank you note (which I did try to write, but gave up, there were just too many).
IT’s a big strain on the marriage. Respite care will matter…When the baby arrives, you might offer to take the infant for a night here and there so everyone can sleep, if they are comfortable with that.
Good sugggestions, people!
A few years ago, my brother was on a transplant wait list and in very poor health. He shared something with me that I found surprising, although the more I thought about it, the more it made perfect sense.
He told me he had a hard time seeing the look of concern and grim horror on the faces of friends and loved ones who knew about his disease when he saw them. He felt like his whole life had been taken over by his disease, and when he interacted with those he cared about most, it was a constant reminder of his numbered days. It upset him, greatly, to see others upset. It was the primary reason he kept his poor prognosis a secret for so long. Once people found out, he thought the interactions changed for the worse.
He desperately just wanted to be his regular self again, talking about regular things, and not have every single interaction be about his poor health and how he was doing.
I’m so grateful he told me his perspective. I realized that we had stopped shooting the breeze, and every single conversation was so serious, with doom hanging the air.
He had his transplant, and he’s doing well, for now, but he’s also at the doctor’s office a lot. I’m much better now about letting him lead, and telling me what he wants to tell me. In his case, he doesn’t welcome probing concerned questions. If there’s something he wants me to know, he tells me. Mostly, he craves normalcy.
Bring them things that would be really inconvenient to run out of, such as toilet paper and paper towels, diapers, dishwasher soap, etc.
You can also use a site like Meal Train or Lotsa Helping Hands to enlist others in the community. Have a meal drop-off spot, like a cooler on the porch, so they don’t have to come to the door. Give specific directions for drop-off hours, and list all allergies and preferences. Using a scheduling site will ensure that the family doesn’t end up with 3 lasagnas in a week, or some food they hate.
The little guy isn’t doing too well… send positive vibes, please 
He’s battling some kind of an infection… he’s on morphine… his parents are beside themselves with anxiety…
Positive thoughts being sent his way, katliamom.
Sending thoughts and prayers. Cannot even imagine what his parents are going through. You are a good neighbor and friend.
Yes, katliamom, you are a great neighbor.
Prayers and hope.
@katliamom, you are a blessing to this little guy and his parents.
Late to the conversation.Lots of great ideas already.
We have been in a variety of this situation. I appreciated every meal and every offer of help, even the ones I didn’t accept. It felt good to know people cared.
The one thing I’d add would be to stay in touch. There is often an outpouring of help in the beginning, then people get busy and forget. To not be overwhelming, I like the idea of texting or dropping by and saying "I’m on the way to the store. Need anything? Milk? Bread?"During our most recent health crisis, that was terribly helpful. Some neighbors texted every time they went to the store. I could request the things that fell through the cracks, like cat food or more ice (operation that resulted in a lot of swelling so needed lots of ice).
I really like the idea of you watching the baby and child and letting mom go work out. Don’t know how long the treatment will last, but caregivers get so burned out.
Has anyone suggested Meal Train??
https://www.mealtrain.com/
You could even ask his parents when/how often meals would be helpful - and then if you know your neighbors or your church or whatever, arrange for some meals for them (well, people sign up through this website). A family I know is receiving meals and has been for a few months - they mention constantly what a blessing it is.
You don’t know what you “know”, until you know it. Stay positive. Be there. Accept their panic and worry as part of getting through this. So sorry that today is not a good day. Sending love and positive prayers out to them, and to you
Just sending positive thoughts.
Sign up for the bone marrow donation registry, if you are eligible.
Your chances of matching a particular patient are higher if your genetic ancestry is more closely related to that of the patient.
I’m signed up already, but yes, we all should do it. Thanks ucb.
@abasket that is exactly what I was going to suggest. There may be several neighbors and friends who want to help and 3 chicken casseroles on the same day can pose a bit of a problem. www.mealtrain.com organizes this and allows for other chores as well. Being an organizer of the love that everyone will want to pour out could be a huge burden off. Even having to answer constant phone calls about offers for help may be stressful for the family. And these illnesses can be a bit of a marathon rather than a sprint and so helping set a sustainable pace that will see them all the way through can be a huge help.
“And these illnesses can be a bit of a marathon rather than a sprint and so helping set a sustainable pace that will see them all the way through can be a huge help.” Excellent thought, thanks.
Just want to say that some of the smaller ways you can help are useful, too. If you’re there and there are dishes in the sink, that casserole needs to be popped in the oven and/or a salad made, vacuuming, taking out the trash, anything that helps them have moments when their lives aren’t in as much disarray as their emotions. Some tasks will be their respite, let them feel normal for an instant, but you can figure it out.
Food is sometimes iffy, complicated meals and large dishes can be too much. Try to keep this simple, a meal for two, a small dessert. And, whatever you do, most of all, be consistent, (but not overwhelming.) People feel that. If others are involved, please make them know they won’t always get a call back, they won’t always be asked to pick something up at the market, they won’t always get back some grateful interaction, and that’s okay. There’s already so much on the parents’ minds.
Many of these ideas are great. It is not clear how close you are to this family.
I think that the little boy, young as he is, might like to receive mail.
A funny card or a post card with a picture of an animal on it delivered to their home on a fairly regular basis.
Just a thought.