How can I make friends at university?

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

It all started since I was born. Throughout the course of my life, I have never had a single friend, not even an acquaintance. I was(and still am) completely isolated from everyone, but that is because everyone isolated(and still isolates) me.

A life of severe isolation from such a tender age would have made any normal person go mad. Sadly, I am not normal. Somehow, I managed to live my life, while being completely oblivious to my environment.

I turned 17 last month (I got absolutely no birthday wishes again for the 17th time, even family forgot. This is how lonely I feel, just so you know) . I have found many ways to cope with my loneliness. Some of these coping methods include reading and studying. Reading and studying gives me a purpose.

Recently, my counsellor recommended that I join theatre camp for the first two weeks of August. Apparently, She is the only person who is somewhat interested in helping me find a friend or atleast an acquaintance. The camp was a horrible experience. The camp had 19 people and nobody showed interest in me. Everyone else seemed to show interest in each other and were able to converse with each other. I was completely isolated and didn’t belong. In fact, I don’t seem to belong anywhere as that seems to be the most consistent pattern in my life.

I am going to college in one year. I hope to study neuroscience. But, the only thing I am concerned about is my lack of contacts and my inability to attract friends or even be likeable.

Having read my story this far, what should I do to maximize my chances of being able to find good friends, especially in university? I am going into my final year of high school and I sincerely doubt anything is going to change in HS. I don’t understand where I am going wrong. I am clean. I don’t talk much anymore(except to myself). If someone asks for help, I try to be polite and help them(doesn’t mean he/she is my friend or even my acquaintance, they barely talk to me).
How can a person who has been completely isolated for the majority of his life, find hope in the near future?

I felt the need to share specific experiences(such as the theatre camp) in order to illustrate the severity of my problems. If this post is way too long and hard to read, I am sorry.

I haven’t had it easy like the other people from my school( when I say I have not had it easy like other people from my school, I mean to say that my problems are more severe)

Also, please don’t tell me I need psychiatric help. I have been to counselling and therapy. None of them helped and I am not willing to go into details as to why. I have had my own share of bad experiences, so I try stay away from them as much as possible.

By the way, sorry for errors, I wrote this in a hurry.

2

I don’t know much about university, per se, but there are probably tables everywhere. Find somebody who’s sitting and studying alone and sit with them.

Try to join at least one activity.

Mehhhh, you’ve probably heard those before. Sorry I can’t be more helpful.

3

Below are my standard recommendations for making friends.
What did you do at camp to attempt to make friends? Just sitting there being quiet won’t work.
Have you talked to your counselor about specific strategies for talking to people/making friends?
Does s/he have feedback on what you could do differently?

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do-p1.html

This time of year we see many posts about how they are having a hard time adjusting because they don’t have any friends. With all of these, obviously try to do them with your roommate as well. But if that is not working out, then…

  1. During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”

  2. Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.

  3. Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.

  4. At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.

  5. Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?

  6. Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.

  7. Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.

  8. If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.

  9. Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.

  10. See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up (or other group texting app)…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.

You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.

Also try Dale Carnegie’s “How to make friends and influence people” book

4

Talk to people.

Maybe I read your post wrong but it sounds as if you’re waiting for people to talk to you. Unless you’re extremely beautiful or literally glow, you have to talk to people first. Don’t even wonder if you’re being annoying, just say hi and compliment someone on something they’re wearing. If you’re working on a project with someone, casually bring up a popular show or movie that you enjoy.

Maybe people want to talk to you but you give off the vibe that things will become awkward after the first few phrases because you have nothing to talk about. I’ve hesitated to talk to certain people because of that but in the end it usually works out.

Life is about perception. If you believe that you are isolated then you will be. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s you’re last year so join clubs that you have interest in and so there is already a common ground between you and the other people.

Don’t be so down on yourself and good luck!