OP,
I am sorry, but every single sentence in your OP has a controversy. I mean the controversy like this: “we want black and that is why we are choosing whilte”. It is hard to imagine to talk to a young person when your own goals are not clear at all. I would “straighen” them out, right them down in a logical manner and then sit down and talk to your S. Which brings another confusion is how a HS graduate (not a 10 y o anymore) does not know what his family can and cannot afford. However, it maybe a result of your family goals are not clearly defined. You need to clear with your husband first before any talks with your kid. Your kid needs to see you united, it will not work otherwise.