@DarkEclipse, in the U.S. if a couple is married their funds are shared equally. If the dad takes out loans the mother is equally responsible for repaying them. A spouse will affect the credit rating of the other spouse.
And every payment made comes from family budget.
@DarkEclipse What @undeuxtroiscat stated. SBU is appoxmiately 40k (plus my airfare every year) x 4years x 3.6 (and hopefully it doesn’t go up anymore) = 575k. When studying in US was the plan the exchange rate was 3.2, now its hitting 4 
I’m from malaysia btw.
@Megtan Right, thanks for the info.
See my comments in the other thread.
The college selection process is often a struggle between dreams and reality for the student and family. This process can stir up underlying marital and family dynamics, which can turn a relatively straight forward decision into a complicated uncomfortable tangle quite quickly.
Having two threads covering this same issue is getting confusing. Some posted here…some posts there.
Why go talk with the Mercedes dealer if your family’s budget restricts you to the used Toyota lot? That’s how I talk about it with friends. It’s like anything else in finances: If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. “Dreams” don’t have much sway with me. Reality is important.
^ and if you led your kid to believe you’d buy him a Mercedes, only to get to the lot and then learn what it costs, and can’t afford it…would the answer be, just finance it?
OP,
I am sorry, but every single sentence in your OP has a controversy. I mean the controversy like this: “we want black and that is why we are choosing whilte”. It is hard to imagine to talk to a young person when your own goals are not clear at all. I would “straighen” them out, right them down in a logical manner and then sit down and talk to your S. Which brings another confusion is how a HS graduate (not a 10 y o anymore) does not know what his family can and cannot afford. However, it maybe a result of your family goals are not clearly defined. You need to clear with your husband first before any talks with your kid. Your kid needs to see you united, it will not work otherwise.
OP can’t blame S for resenting her. She is blowing up his world at the 11th hour over catastrophes that haven’t even happened yet and maybe never will. 3 days left to undo the damage.
All of their choices now are bad ones.
The family should have had the honest money talk last fall.
Some of us don’t think she’s blowing up his world. There are many good posters on other threads discussing their high achievers’ change of plans because the dream schools didn’t offer aid that made those colleges affordable. Their kids are dealing with it.
No, we don’t know the family’s true financial picture. And yes, they should have had their eyes open sooner. But as laid out, nothing says this kid deserves risking the family security for *this * college. We tell kids and families that all the time. What makes this case different?
I’d love to hear the S’s point of view.
Yeah, me too.
The CC community calls the OP’s son to the stand.
Hearing the son’s side would be interesting but its the parent’s decision on what they can and cannot afford. The son can promise all he wants but when the day is done the parents need to co-sign loans on take out loans themselves.
It is better to make the hard call now then find out next year that they cannot afford it after taking loans for the first year.
From the student side of things, I got into my dream private university for a super-hard major ($60,000 per year, I wanted to apply ED, but that would give me a lower amount of aid leverage than if I applied RD), aaaand my parents said they could pay, but not without taking money out of their savings. At first, I was ecstatic that we could pay, but as I started talking to alumni from my high-school and from other sources, I realized that undergrad. means something, but not everything - grad. school / internships / experience mean much much much more.
When my parents told me that it would be pretty impossible to handle their current financial responsibilities after paying for my dream university, I was devastated at first. I simply did not want to believe that they had “led me on” to thinking that they would support my education to my dream school if I got in, all to let me down in the end. It was only after a LOT of introspection that I realized that going to a dream university and paying full-sticker price did not outweigh my other options (full-ride @ USC / merit @ Duke), especially because my worth would be more determined by what I did with the opportunities I was given rather than the name behind my degree (it also helped that I needed to save money for medical school, and a full-ride helped me do that @ USC rather than being broke and needing to take on loans after undergrad @ my dream school).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it won’t be pretty at first - there will definitely be fighting, yelling, and all other sorts of dilemmas to be faced because your kid is feeling HURT and “betrayed” to an extent. But slowly, as time moves along, your kid will realize that undergrad. matters less than grad. and his / her experience and internship / fellowship / shadowing opportunities that he / she should take the utmost advantage of.
And at that point, he / she will realize that its fine if he doesn’t go to his dream university - his life will not be DRAMATICALLY altered by his undergrad. school, but more so by his actions, words, experience, and graduate studies.
Hope this helps!
Not everyone is destined for college. He screwed up his grades. If he really wants to get in, let him fix it. Life is a competition and it is time he stepped up to the plate.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Agreed. I think this thread has exhausted itself anyway. OP can’t afford dream school so there’s nothing more to be said on that subject. Additional comments can be made on her other thread [url=http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1770887-college-vs-university-2-to-2-5-hrs-drive-due-to-traffic-p1.html]here.[/url] Closing.