MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I have no idea if this thread is real or not, but since numerous questions have been asked of the OP, and she has not answered them, the issue must not be that important to the OP. Therefore, given that the OP has been given some good advice, and any new and different advice needed input from her, I am closing this thread.
Edit Since the OP has returned, I am merging her new post with this and reopening the thread for the time being.
OP’s original thread was locked. I see your husband is not supporting you in making wise decisions. At least see if he will make a contract with your son to get at least a certain GPA if he expects your money.
A good used commuter car, Toyota or Honda, will be cheaper than $12k for a dorm. I’ll leave you with this repayment calculator so you can see how much you and your husband must pay per month for ten years. It has to put a damper on retirement. $80k will be $920 per month for ten years. Best wishes.
Thank you OspreyCV22
Is the school truly unaffordable? Will your husband look at the numbers and be realistic?
The cost per year is ~$23K for tuition and housing only. My husband does not use his brain (sorry to say this) and just agree about everything when it comes to our kids. He does not know how to be a father to his kids. Thank you for your comments.
To all:
I apologize if my story was not clear. I meant PLUS loan not PELL . I am sorry too if I did not reply right away, I did not see all the comments until now (8:30 p.m. PST) My son’s dream school is not out of state, but it takes an hour drive if there’s no traffic. He does not drive yet and we don’t have extra car for him to use even when he gets his license. He chose this school because he thought his two best friends are going to the same school, but later on he found out that his friends are not going there anymore because of financial problems. I think another reason was to get out of the house so he could do what he wants if he stays at the dorm. My son is a very stubborn kid and he does not want to back out and pick a different school near our house. My husband never supported me about this. I already showed him and my son the estimated expenses if my son is going to this university, but they are both stubborn and arrogant. My husband only agreed with me when he found out(yesterday) that my son has to take summer school to improve his grades in Math and English because his score in SAT was low. The university advised him to take summer school. I disagreed about my son’s plan going to this university the first time he told me this last year. I told him to go to the community college for two years and then transfer to the university (maybe to his dream university), but he won’t listen to me because my husband never back me up about this. I just wanted to thank all of you for all the comments and really appreciate your time.
MOM says: “Son, we don’t have money for your college”
Stubborn son says: “Then I’ll take out loans!”
MOM says: “Let me know when they give you all that money. Your papa and I don’t qualify for loans.”
I have sympathy for the OP. My H was unwilling to admit how difficult it would be to get into most of the colleges on S’s list. Yes, he was a legitimate Ivy candidate, but as we all know, the odds are not in your favor, and decisions at small elite LACs can be very quirky. H criticized me for saying that Williams was a very difficult admit and S might not get in. (Especially since they had already taken a classmate who had unique family connections to the school ED.) I was just being a big meanie, according to him. As it happens, S did NOT get in to either of the two schools about which I made this remark, although he had other excellent acceptances.
Needless to say, he has never acknowledged this.
My son did apply for FAFSA and the result was Plus parent loan $22K for one year. Thanks
Kids ( and parents) have dreams. Then there is reality. I think you are seeing this a bit more realistically than your husband is when it comes to expenses.
The one thing that stood out to me, as a big concern, from your post, is your son’s academic performance. For us, the requirement for paying for college is that the student demonstrates that he/she is ready for college: academically, emotionally, and socially. This doesn’t mean I insist on a perfect score of 2400. However, the SAT and ACT measures college readiness. A sub par score means that a student is not ready for the academic demands of college. Also, a student making C’s and D’s in high school is not likely to pass a college class.
This alone would make me not pay for college, even if money was not an issue. Why? Because, why pay for something your child is not academically ready for? IMHO, I think the community college is the best situation. For many students, it is a stepping stone to a four year college. You can tell your son that if he does well, then you will consider assisting him with paying to complete college if he can successfully transfer.
This way, you are not saying “no” to his dream college. You are saying “not yet” and you are placing the responsibility on him to show you that he is ready for that college by doing well in the CC. If he does not do well at CC, then you have not lost the investment in the more expensive college. If he does do well, then he can get that 4 year degree at a more affordable cost.
I agree with “not yet”.
And I agree the money is one thing, but the grades are another. My son is doing miserably in my mind, but he has two Cs and the rest As and Bs. He got one D and retook the class and did much better. IMHO, if the OP’s son has Cs and Ds in HS work, he would be best served by at least a year of community college, even if it just was to get him to square one, on par with B and C students…
I am very confused though - the OP is worried about money, and say that her son was only “offered” Parent PLUS loans after the FAFSA was submitted? Is your EFC high? Or could there have been an error?
I know there are people like me who get an EFC of 30K or 40K, and that makes no sense based on our “extra money lying around”. It does make sense if you see our combined salary.
But if the OP’s EFC is 10K or less, it makes no sense to me that the college the OP’s son is targeting would not offer him any loan options at all (at least split the loans!). Even my son was offered $8500 of loans per year, plus $2500 per year of work study.
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Now my husband wants to talk to my son that we have to back out
My husband only agreed with me when he found out(yesterday) that my son has to take summer school to improve his grades in Math and English because his score in SAT was low.
My son did apply for FAFSA and the result was Plus parent loan $22K for one year. Thanks
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So, NOW what is your H saying???
$22k per year in Plus Loans??? Does your H realize that YOU and HE are going to end up with $100k in loans???
How much can you contribute each year towards college out of your current income?
do you have any other kids to put thru college?
What is your EFC
What is your child’s major ?
How much will this summer program cost and how will that get paid for???
Is this University FAU by chance? If it is, that Summer Program is really a pass/fail option. If your son doesn’t do well in the Summer program he will not be allowed to progress to the Fall Semester. I think it would be a big mistake to let your son attend this University. He is not academically ready.
At any rate, given his poor grades, it is unlikely that he would perform well at this “Dream School” and could see your husband and yourself being left holding the bag with a large amount of student loan debt. Community College would be his best bet and it appears that his first year (or two) there will be consumed with remedial courses in Math and English, possibly causing him to spend 3 or more years at the Community College.
I agree with your suggestion rhandco. I just hope my son does not get depress about this. He already told most of his friends and even posted on FB that he is going to the university that he likes. He is turning 18 this coming Friday, and I feel so bad because we are going to tell him on Sunday about not going to the university that he chose. I blamed my husband for this, if he had supported me not agreeing with my son’s choice of school from the very first time we talked about this, we would not be in this situation right now. I just found out today that it is already too late to submit my son’s application to the community college. Now I don’t know where my son going after high school. I have been having stomach ache (acid flux) and not getting enough sleep because of this. Thank you all for your comments and advice.
I agree with you Pennylane2011. Thank you for your suggestions.
It can’t be FAU since the OP stated PST for time and the school is an hour from the house.
Has your son been diagnosed th depression in the past? Otherwise disappointments are a part of life and your son will get over it. Even if he has a diagnosis, I’m not sure allowing him to have whatever he wants even if it puts you deeply in debt is the way to treat the illness,
To mom2collegekids
My husband does not want to admit that he made a wrong decision when he agreed with my son’s choice of school.
Another issue we have here is my husband might lose his job this year and he will retire next year. My older daughter just graduated from college last December and now she just stays home reviewing for the RN board exam. My son’s major is criminology(forensic) or anthropology. The summer course is not that expensive. The university advised him to take English and Math this summer because his SAT score was low, especially in Math. Thank you for your comments.
To ordinarylives:
My son has temper just like his dad. When he is angry, he scream/cry at the same time, hit something inside the house and sometimes hurt himself. I do not know how am I going to tell him about his dream university. I don’t want to hurt him but me made a wrong choice and did not listen to me the first time. I also told him to apply at the university near our house to have a back up plan, but he was so stubborn because my husband siding him all the time. Thank you.
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I just found out today that it is already too late to submit my son’s application to the community college. Now I don’t know where my son going after high school. I have been having stomach ache (acid flux) and not getting enough sleep because of this. Thank you all for your comments and advice.
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What state are you in??
Are you in Calif? If so, which CC is closest to you? Is there another CC in the area?