<p>I have 3 people in my family who are fighting cancer. I find that I am unable to enjoy even a quick moment of peace when I am not thinking and worrying about them. Any advice from others who have experienced this will be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>How do I go about my day and enjoy anything when loved ones are suffering?</p>
<p>I have no experience from which to draw, but I am so sorry that you and your family are dealing with this.</p>
<p>I know what you are going through. I had a period of time 2 years ago when both my grandmothers were very ill and died within 2 weeks of each other. I was very close to both of them and it remains a horrible time in my life. I was in college taking an overload of math heavy (math is not my strong point) classes. Looking back, I’m not sure how I survived. Before their illnesses and the semester started I started taking Adderall (prescribed by a dr) and honestly that was the only way I got anything done that semester. All I can say is try to put one foot in front of the other, and try seeing a counseller. I went to my college couselling office once during this time, before everything really started falling apart, and it was very helpful. I didn’t go later and I should have.</p>
<p><< How do I go about my day and enjoy anything when loved ones are suffering? >></p>
<p>Hi questbest, please believe me when I say that those who are fighting cancer want you to go about your day and enjoy life! Don’t feel guilty about finding happiness in everyday things; that is actually a comfort to cancer patients, knowing that those they love are not miserable. It is understandable to be worried, but trust me, your loved ones will find peace in knowing that their disease is not “ruining” the lives of family and friends. Hugs to you during this difficult time, and blessings to those in your family who are battling cancer.</p>
<p>My mom sends cards with short handwritten jokes or cheery anecdotes (from books) to cheer up those who are ailing. It makes her and them feel better. I’m so sorry your loved ones are battling cancer. In a less than 6 months, we lost my FIL, my grandmother & my SIL’s mom, so yea, it’s very painful. </p>
<p>We all need to do our best to live each day as best we can and try to find the good in life–it’s still there! Hang in there–you can see if talking with a counselor at school might help you through this rough patch. That’s what they’re there for anyway!</p>
<p>So sorry you’re going through this. My mom has CA and while I worry about her I know it does her more good to tell her the fun things I do. The cheerier I am the happier she is.
Your mood has a direct effect on your loved ones–the more upbeat you are the better it will be for them. They spend enough time worrying about themselves–sometimes you are the diversion.</p>
<p>One other thing that sometimes works a bit is to help them have goals. We suggested to a loved one that we hoped she would attend S’s graduation as he really wanted her there. She said, “Of course she’d come.” She surprised everyone (including all the docs & oncologists) at how well she did with her chemo and yes, came to S’s graduation. I later mentioned to her that D was wondering if she might come to D’s graduation as well. The loved one said, “Well, of course I have to come, since I attended S’s.” She’s now set the goal of attending this graduation in May 2012. </p>
<p>I have another friend whose mom died of pancreatic cancer. It was supposed to have caused her to have a rapid death but she had goals of wanting to stick around for her child, then wanting to see her graduate from HS, from college, hold each of her grandkids, and FINALLY she died 14 years after her diagnosis.</p>
<p>The goals aren’t a “magic bullet,” just something happy to aim for and to talk about happily, whether it is something they will be able to join or not. They may astonish everyone by sticking around if they can.</p>
<p>Hang in there!</p>
<p>It’s not the diagnosis that is the toughest part…it is watching them go through the treatment feeling sick and weak. When one of them said to me “last night I was so sick I wanted to die,” I just didn’t know what to say.</p>
<p>Both my dad and father-in-law are battling terminal cancer. It’s not easy when every day is up or down. But 2 things help me:
<p>My prayers are with all who suffer and those who care for them. May you find peace, purpose and strength to move through this difficult period and find joy again.</p>
<p>You just have to focus on what you can control – and that is really your own behavior. You will be supportive, loving and steadfast. That is all you can really do and you have to take strength in knowing that ultimately the outcome is out of your hands but at least you can do your very best to support as a spouse, child, sibling, friend. Every day remember to give yourself some love for the very hard job your are doing.</p>
<p>Friends … see friends frequently, just to talk. Family members are likely feeling the same way you are … mine were anyway. A couple of years ago the baby sister, never sick a day in her life, started trembling in one arm. Went to the doctor and came home with a diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. Family members were in shock obviously. Fortunately, there were friends. God Bless.</p>
<p>They are only confiding in you because you are “safe” to vent with. I honestly have found counselors very helpful for navigating difficult times like these. That is what they are trained to help with. Please do consider them. They are paid to help guide us through these valleys and have the skills to do so. If they are unable to help, you will be no worse off but if they CAN help you, that would be a great bonus and should be covered with your tuition. Some are extremely good at what they do.</p>
<p>Your loved ones just want your support and affection at these tough times. Sorry things are so rough now.</p>
<p>As sewhappy says, focus on what you can control. When my sister had cancer, I called her every single day. It was just automatic. It made a difference to her, and it certainly helped me feel more connected and less anxious. Sometimes we’d talk about the specifics, sometimes not. She always liked to hear about things in my life, too. We laugh a lot in our family, and she still had her sense of humor in spite of everything. Family members took turns traveling to stay with her during chemo treatments, too. It was harder for me to do that (I’m allergic to cats, so I can’t be in her apartment for more than a nanosecond).</p>
<p>I’m not sure the worrying ends, though. Right now I know two people with serious cancer: an old friend and the young adult daughter of friends. Thinking about them, I jump right back to worrying about whether my sister’s cancer will return. But I tell myself that’s not helpful.</p>
<p>Edit: Posting here made me remind my son to reach out to his friend who’s the brother of the young woman with cancer. When I was my son’s age, my parents didn’t really set a good example for how to deal with this stuff because neither of them could deal very well. Though it seems sad that my son even has this opportunity, it’s important to know that people are comforted by hearing from old friends, even with just an “I’ve been thinking of you.”</p>
<p>When someone says they felt so sick, they wanted to die, they are telling the truth, but it is usually temporary. I think you can just say something like, “That sounds really tough” and give them a hug or hold their hand. They will know you have heard them and want to comfort them.</p>