Now that the early applications are in and some of the EC lasts have occurred this is all becoming very real. This is a big transition for the entire family. DD20 will suddenly have much more parental attention than she has in the past. Tell me stories about what changed in your household once one of your DC went off to college. Any tips to ease the transition are welcome.
It is cheaper to go out to dinner. 
We developed our own new rhythms when D1 went to college. One less person’s opinion on TV shows, movies, etc. – we could watch Breaking Bad, which D1 doesn’t like. But fewer evenings spent with board games, just not as much fun with one less person. Definitely more scrutiny and attention for D2, for better and worse (depending on who you talk to).
It’s funny that you post this now. Last night while celebrating DS16s birthday , DS19 made the observation that it wouldn’t be long before his brother went off to college. It was the first time he mentioned it, and already appeared to be sad about it. DS16 has been on quite few trips recently, and even then it has felt quite different . Don’t even want to think about when he leaves for more than a few days. I have noticed my husband has shifted more attention to my younger son over the past few months. I’m not sure if this is to ease the transition for DS19 or himself.
D1 was the chatterbox at home. She used to monopolize conversation during dinner time. D2 was just happy to sit there and listen to her older sister’s stories. It was noticeably quiet at home after D1 went off to college. D2 didn’t like all the focus on her without her older sister there.
D1 was the quiet one . While they were growing D2 alternated between fighting with her and bending over backwards trying to get D1 to laugh. D2 started high school the same time as her sister left for school. D2 got quieter but I assumed it was new school stress. When D1 came home for break, D2 noticeably brightened and perked up. I had no idea how much she missed her sister.
Even though S1 is the far less talkative one, I was really surprised at how much better I got to know S2 once S1 was off at college. He really blossomed out of the shadow of big brother.
D (oldest child) is very open and chatty, always had her friends over, etc. So the house was much quieter with just H, S and me. It did allow for more one on one time with S, which he needed at that time.
My kids are 5 years apart and weren’t close growing up. But after D was not at home full time and S matured some, they have become quite close, confide in each other and enjoy each others company.
Not a lot of positives so far! We have already been told by younger son that he needs no additional attention next year and that we should find something else to occupy any free time we might acquire when older son heads off to college.
@oldfort, post #3 was exactly the same as the dynamic at our house.
My oldest used to know, telepathically, when I could use his help, and he’d show up and ask if I had been calling to him. Freaky. But now I am left to summon rather iffy teenage girls with selective hearing. The youngest broke down about two weeks after his older brother left, though, and his sisters decided he was awfully loveable and tender, and became human to him. Dinner is still a time for the adults to laugh and look at each other in sheer wonderment at some of the invented terms the kids have. Most of the time we have no idea what they are talking about.
Having one less teenager in the house means the groceries last a lot longer - instead of buying a 2 gallons of milk every other day, we buy one every 3 days. And when I buy strawberries or grapes, I actually get to eat some of them myself. They used to just somehow disappear.
But when I cook a frozen pizza, we will have (gasp) leftovers.
I no longer have to hide a carton of ice cream behind the bags of frozen broccoli in the freezer.
We no longer have a full, or overflowing trash bin to roll out to the street on trash day.
D also started taking longer showers once son moved away, since she used to have to compete for bathroom time.
My secondborn absolutely loved the undivided attention and reduced competition for family resources that she received during her three years as an “only child” after her brother went to college.
I liked that period, too. It was my time to get to know my secondborn well. I never had a chance before because there were always the two kids, and she was the less demanding, less difficult one.
I had my time alone with my firstborn during the first three years of his life, and I cherish the memories from that time. But I also cherish the memories of the three years I spent with my secondborn while #1 was at college.
I certainly had a burst of closeness with my younger child. We had hoped that he would get his driver’s license before his sister left for college, but he flunked the first test, then flunked the second, too, after she left. So we went from a situation where she drove him around a lot to him relying on me for anything that was difficult on public transportation. Plus there was a period of six months or so after he got his license when he wasn’t allowed to drive after 8 pm. I complained some about it, but secretly I relished that last bit of extra involvement in his life.
S was a very busy kid, though, and largely independent. The extra attention that might have come his way, and then some, got diverted to his grandmother. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and had moved 300 miles from the place she had lived for 30+ years to an apartment right near us. I brought her over for dinner with us almost every evening. Her capacity was deteriorating steadily, and she wound up living with us for a while, then going into a nearby nursing home. In addition, my firm at the time was falling apart, and I joined a new firm a year later. And my wife was home only 1-2 days/week, and working in an intense job that really took all of her attention. So S did not exactly get smothered in parental attention, and in fact had to shoulder some adult responsibilities with elder care.
Agree that it has been a delight to have some one-on-one with the younger one after the older one went off to school. This time – with the older one in college and the younger one still in high school, has been very special – the payback for the little one having to be squeezed in around the edges of the busy-ness of life around the older one when they were much younger. With the older one in college, the younger one has blossomed with everything focused on him – academics, music, sports. He is now a high school senior and very ready for the next stage, after having 4 years of all-him.
Ours are 4 years apart, and, although they had been inseparable as younger boys, when the older one hit 17-18, with partying and girls etc., they moved in such different worlds, there wasn’t much in common any more. The younger one does not push as many boundaries as the older one so even as a senior in high school now, he has a much calmer senior year experience than his older brother had. As his older brother is preparing for post-college steps, I’m hopeful that their lives will continue to move closer together.
I get sad thinking about that first year without ds1.
He was the quiet one, so I didn’t think his absence would make much of a difference. But it did. Loquacious ds2 didn’t have his foil. He felt like we were too focused on him, which I find laughable because I felt like he was getting hardly any attention at all. You see, that fall my dh’s sister was dying. One of us spent almost every weekend with her three hours away. It was a really stressful time. I couldn’t believe that ds2 felt scrutinized; I thought he was being neglected. Anyway, he realllly missed his brother, and I even made him go see the counselor at school. He just seemed off.
On the plus side, I agree with the above … cheaper to eat out and groceries last longer! And it cemented for me how close my boys really are.
Our older child (S), who is a freshman in college, was more of a homebody than his younger sister, who is often gone from home spending her time with friends and sports. S was usually to be found at home–cheerful and pretty much constantly whistling show tunes and more likely than D to be talkative at the dinner table. So when he left for college in August, the house became more quiet than one would expect with just one kid gone. We are getting both the benefits and losses of “empty nest” three years early. On the plus side, my kids tend to bicker a lot. I don’t miss that aspect of having both at home!
My experience has dovetailed with mathmom’s and midwestmomofboys’ the most. My older, more quiet son (college junior now) left for college, and the younger one seemed to love it. He talks with us so freely at the dinner table and seems tremendously happy this year (he’s a high school senior). I feel like we really have gotten to know him. I feel like he blossomed, and I enjoyed every minute. He’s sweet, funny, and outgoing, and my older one was very sarcastic (though still loving in his own way, just not affectionate). All in all, while I miss my older guy and love when we hear from him, I’ve enjoyed the chance to let the younger one be an “only” for awhile. And the younger son has admitted liking it too.
Next year when they are both gone is going to be a whole other story.
Since we have three sons things really didn’t change much when our oldest went to college. I think that there will be a lot more changes when our second one leaves and the youngest ends up here by himself.
It was a little different for me, since I’d long been divorced so my two older kids had always spent long stretches of time away from me while visiting their dad. My oldest left home at 18 to join the military, and the main thing that changed was the reduction in my grocery bill! BOY could that kid eat! He is 5 years older than his next sibling, so from the time he hit middle school they were already running on different schedules.
Now, when my middle one left, then things really changed, as my youngest, the one now applying to colleges, became a virtual “only”. We were able to focus on her full-time, rather than splitting driving, school meeting times etc. between us and the other kids. It’s made family dinners simpler, weekends easier to plan. And of course, D gets our undivided attention!
Next year as an empty-nester, things will be mighty strange. I’ve had a kid in my house for 30 years!
My younger DD was not keen to be a third wheel/only child when her sister went to college.
Through various circumstances we ended up hosting a female German exchange student…she thought it was going to be like having a sister. Unfortunately it wasn’t.
When she left at the end of the year DD was happy being an “only child” at home.
How it affected me:
- Less mess
- More restricted options on food as my DH was often traveling…I would tend to make stuff DD likes.
- We ended up getting a pet bunny, that I am now taking care of now that DD is off to college.