I love my kids dearly but I was never Gaga about them before I got pregnant and had them. I never had baby lust, never thought about kids really. Once I had my kids, I was very happy. I have to admit, I’m the same about grandkids. When they get here, I will be so in love but right now? No big yearning.
I had kids because that is what you did at that time. You got married, had a couple of kids. I luckily got pregnant easily but having kids was an expectation. My H felt the same way. I’m glad I did, these kids are so everything and I love them so much.
I’ve been thinking about young adults today. They seem to not have the same expectations that maybe my generation did. They live together, buy property together. Have babies with marriage or without. I’ve recently met a few older young people (mid to late 30’s) who are having children with partners they aren’t with but plan to co parent. And even in my very conservative community, it’s all ok. Even my mil remarked that her views have softened in the past decade.
I see other young people who just love babies and can’t wait to have them. My kid, not so much. And she doesn’t and won’t feel any pressure to have kids if she (and her SO)decides not to.
After my long rambling, I want to know how you felt about babies before you had them? Did you see babies and just love everything about them? Am I the odd one?
I didn’t want kids at all until I hit 30. I was never that interested in kids or babies, thought they were more of an annoyance. When everyone seemed to start having them, then I wanted a family, too.
Having that first was really hard for me, I had Postpartum depression. After I got through that, it was fine. Like you I’m crazy about my kids.
However, I still find other people’s little kids somewhat annoying and not really interested in them or babies…other than to cuddle for a moment then give back.
I don’t even think about grandkids yet. I hope I feel Gaga about them, as I did my own.
I never spent time around babies, rarely babysat, and didn’t have much interest in them. I went back to work when each of mine was three months old, and would have been happy if I had gone back sooner. I did enjoy them tremendously when they were, say, four years old and up, when they had language skills and could think about things and ask me fascinating questions. But babies? Not really.
Bookmarking this with interest. My sister is pregnant after a lifetime of saying she was too selfish to have kids (which she is).
I’m not a huge fan of babies or young kids but I fell in love with my nephew the second I saw him. We plan on trying for a pregnancy this winter and I am absolutely terrified. Mr R works at a preschool and is phenomenal with kids.
There is pressure on me to have a kid by my in-laws especially since I’m the only one in the family not pregnant. My parents have never pushed even though I will be their only chance for a grandchild since my sister has terminated all contact with them.
I was never interested in children and, even less, parenthood. DH and I were told we couldn’t have kids and were totally happy and fine with that. Then, after twenty years, I found out I was four months pregnant at 39. I was terribly upset, but it was too late to do anything about it. I was severely depressed the first two years over what parenthood had done to my “perfect” life. It was very hard for me to reconcile my deep love for my son (never a question) and my hatred for the constraints motherhood put on the rest of my life. Those early years were filled with soul-searching, a lot of prayer, and, eventually, re-constructing our lives to accommodate the paradigm shift. Today, we’re well past the daily grind of parenthood, and we have a wonderful relationship with our amazing son who has always owned our hearts and souls, but I would never in a million years do it again.
Because our 21-year-old son is not interested in either marriage or starting a family until his mid-thirties, I may never have to confront grandparenthood about which I’m indifferent. But, if I am still around and in good health in my mid-seventies, I will rejoice in his happiness and review how I feel about children at that time.
Full on, I’m a baby/kid person. Have always loved small children, chose a career working with young children, feel drawn to kids probably more than adults!
That said, H and I were married for 7 years before having kids - by choice. What was the hurry? There was some pressure by his family specifically. They - and other people still today - see a wedding as a pre-cursor to a baby coming very soon down the road. I have a problem with that mentality.
I have one child of my own married almost two years. CONSTANTLY get asked…“no baby yet?” Irks me to no end. What IS the hurry?! And guess what…not my choice, not my decision, not my worry!
So as much as I LOVE babies and kids in general I am in no hurry for grandchildren. I hope someday one of my three will - but I am not owed any, they should want and be ready for them and honestly I hope they give their relationships/marriage (if they chose) as much time as they want to nurture and make solid (hopefully!).
Next to “when are you retiring”, “are you ready to be a grandparent” (from others) is a question that drives me crazy!!
I’ve always loved kids. Always. All of them. The one piece of artwork my mother saved from my childhood was a crayon drawing of a slew of kids, and in my best penmanship I wrote “When I grow up I want to have 30 children” it must have been a school assignment, because at the bottom of the drawing is my 2nd grade teacher’s note" “You don’t want to be a mother, you want to be a teacher!” with a happy face. To this day I feel an overwhelming desire to speak to kids (of all ages). My own (adult) D (30 next month) swears no kids for her. I respect her decision but secretly hope that when she finds the right person for her, there are children somewhere in that mix!
Are you all my spirit animals? Honestly this wasn’t the response I thought I’d get and makes me feel better. I’m not so strange after all. Maybe…
I’m interested to see what other people say. I know there are people here who went through years of infertility and also people who adopted.
I had zero interest in babies and children before I had mine. I thought they were noisy, sticky, and annoying. Then I had kids of my own, and I thought they were absolutely fascinating. I also thought that other children of the same ages were fascinating. And I couldn’t stand to read a book or watch a movie where something horrible happened to a child in one of those age groups.
But even when I was raising my children, I had little or no interest in children of other ages. When I had toddlers, I thought teenagers were a nuisance. When I had teenagers, I found the presence of toddlers irritating.
Now that my children are grown, I have no particular interest in babies or children again. I do enjoy talking about parenting with younger people who are raising their children now – it’s interesting to hear their perspectives and compare them with my past experiences. But I have no desire to meet, talk to, or hold their actual offspring.
If I become a grandmother, I fully expect my feelings to change, though, just as they did when I became a mother. In fact, I’ve been “ready to be a grandparent” for a long time. But I have to wait until my children are ready to become parents!
I too had little interest in babies before I had my children. And I’m indifferent to the prospect of grandchildren. I’ll love them if they appear but I won’t pressure my daughters. I am, however, madly in love with my own children. They continue to be the best things in my life.
Never enjoyed children or babies and still don’t, in most cases. I would prefer not to have grandchildren and there is a good chance that I will not. I think the world is just too scary, although I know I would love the kids once they arrived. No one ever thought I would have kids, but things happen… I adored both of mine, of course, even though one in particular was quite challenging from a young age (and still is). I really have no interest in people’s baby pictures or hearing about grandkids, unless there is some way I can be of help.
I despised babysitting and babies, but in high school I volunteered working with kids who were institutionalized because their parents were in jail. I really did love playing with the three year olds. DH and I knew each other for 7 years before we got married and then waited 5 more years to have kids. I visited my brother and his brand new baby - came back home and told DH it’s time to have kids. Nine months later our oldest was born. I liked babyhood a lot more than I expected, but I really liked the toddler years and seeing what the world looks like to someone where everything is new and different.
I’m not quite ready to be a grandparent - and it looks like my oldest will never marry and my youngest appears to be on our schedule. (Same girl friend for five years, but no talk of marriage yet - we did just meet her parents though!)
Nope not too much a baby fan. I like children…especially starting around age 2 or 3…just not a huge baby fan. I will not be the “grandma” that constantly wants to watch/hold/babysit. the baby.
If they could just be born four years old (but not a four-year pregnancy)…
I loved children and especially babies. I have a brother who is 8 years younger and he was mine and I sort of resented it when my mother tried to do things her way. My niece and nephew arrived and my house became their playground with a second set of toys, bikes, anything they wanted.
My friends are all getting grandchildren and I’m beyond jealous. My own kids have said:
D#1 “I don’t want to have children because all they do is spend your money.” (she’s preaching to the choir!)
D#2 “I don’t want to have children because there is no guarantee they’ll have blue eyes” (she’s Chinese; they are pretty much guaranteed NOT to have blue eyes) and she’s noticed a lot of Asians are not as athletic as she is and she’s afraid her children will not be athletic.
I WANT GRANDCHILDREN! I’ll even take brown eyed children with two left feet.
I did not want kids at all until I was 29. I felt I had raised my brother and was not going there again.
D has been an easy kid from the start. We chose to adopt our S. We were 40 and 41 when he arrived at 17 months. He was really difficult baby/chid/young adult and turned our world upside down. I adored both of them even so. Happy to say that just as the research says once he hit 27 and hisi frontal cortex was developed he became a nice person to be around.
I was utterly bored with them as babies. I love kids from about 3 to 40. I was home three months and was desperate to return to work with each although only part time. I was not interested in our G’Son as a baby or toddler either. He is now 6 and so much fun.
D is expecting in Sept. They are moving back to our city for at least 3 years. Without fail everyone who I talk to about D having a baby asks if I am going to take care of him. This makes for an annoying
discussion. It is disappointing as most know how little I am interested in babies.
D’s MIL and FIL are going to spend a month living with them in order to care for him to delay his daycare by a month. I am unbelievably relieved that I am old enough to not feel guilt and not feel threatened. Great that they want to do this. H and I will help when they need us for a night out and even when he is ill. We will bring delicious food to them. Like any baby I am around I will wish he came with an off button 
I never had any desire to have children until it was “now or never” time. I liked kids; I coached them for a few years and really enjoyed it, but just didn’t want any of my own. I think it had to do with the fact that I grew up poor, didn’t leave my home state until I was sixteen, and wanted time to travel and have new experiences.
When I finally decided to have kids, I also decided I didn’t want to have biological ones. I really don’t know why. I just didn’t have any desire to be pregnant. So we adopted. By that time, we were 40ish. Having needy little ones at that age was HARD, but I very much enjoyed their early years (which, for us, started at 9 and 14 months old). I often wish I could snap my fingers and go back. I feel like they made life so much richer for us - those years were truly some of the best times of my life. Contrary to what I thought, I didn’t have to give up much for them - we started travelling internationally with them when the oldest was 3 (though we wouldn’t have be able to afford those trips when we were younger). Of course I love them now that they’re teenagers, but they’re not cuddly and full of wonder and excitement anymore.
I think I was at my best then too. Because my kids had been neglected, I put tremendous energy into being the best mom I could be. They needed and deserved that from me. But they don’t need or want all that interaction and involvement now (plus I’m old and tired), so I feel kind of like a lesser version of my best self.
I’m not ready to become a grandparent - we’ve already had a few people think that we’re our kids’ grandparents. Kind of demoralizing.
I’ve always loved babies and kids. I started babysitting at 12 and had regular babysitting jobs all through high school. I couldn’t wait to have kids but grad/law school delayed that. And then we lost our first who was born prematurely. We ended up having more than we had planned, including adopting a niece, and lost two more in between. I took a four month mat leave with my first (which was the norm then, and not the 18 months it is now here!). Fully intended to return full-time but couldn’t imagine at the end of four months leaving that beautiful baby with someone else. I was at home for several years and loved being with my girls, who went to a co-op nursery school. It was the norm in our area for moms to be at home and I have a large circle of friends that originated in those days. Intelligent, well-educated women who decided that being at home was what they wanted to do.
We all spent years volunteering in the kids’ schools and in the community, and continue to do so today. Only now it’s my granddaughter’s school! When my girls started marrying, I loved the anticipation of grandchildren, although I never asked them when it was going to happen, and I was thrilled when we found out that the first one was expected. As they arrived over the past few years, we have loved each and every minute we get to spend with them. They are the joy of our lives! It is truly a joy you don’t understand until it happens to you. I feel for those who will never experience it.
@abasket Oh, I’m sorry you get asked that! I wish people would be more thoughtful. I have a friend who was like that with asking about one of my Ds and I finally told her to stop asking, that they were having difficulty getting pregnant and it was hurtful to hear her constantly asking.
I didn’t think I wanted kids, but then when I was 28 I had a pregnancy “scare” and thought, “Hmm, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad…” After we started trying for real, I had one miscarriage before my full-term pregnancy - my oldest child was born on my 30th birthday. 
I wasn’t one who wanted to hold others’ babies, but certainly planned on having kids. I was young when I started (oldest born 2 days before my 22nd birthday) so I didn’t really have time to develop baby fever I guess. My own babies were lovely but I don’t necessarily go crazy over others’ now either.
My DD’17 sees a lot of moms and littles when she works at Target and she kind of can’t wait to have her own. No marriage prospects yet though 