here is another thread going on OK Cupid and online dating services in general and I understand a lot of people meet that way nowadays. Comments were made on that thread that it’s hard for our kids’ generation to meet significant others which got me thinking:
Is it really harder?
And if so, why?
How did people in our generation meet and why isn’t that possible today?
I don’t think there is anything wrong with online tools like OK Cupid, Match, Tinder, etc. to find meaningful relationships. I guess I just don’t get why it is viewed as harder. I didn’t want to hijack the other thread so here goes.
So, how did you meet your spouse/ex/partner?
I’m boring and met mine in my first year of college so I can’t really relate to how hard it is once you are past the college years.
I met H by playing volleyball in a Jaycees league. He was the only single guy on our team. My sister met her H when she was a grad student and he was a med student at their respective U. My younger brother met his wife at preschool but then met her again in HS and they started dating in college. My younger sister met her H when a friend set them up, I believe. My youngest brother met his W at a party when they were both attending different grad schools. My youngest sister met her H by my younger sister setting them up (he was the VP at her elementary school where she teaches). My folks met when they were both attending the same OOS U and attended HI club events.
The ways we met are still possible today, IMHO, but somehow online is preferred by many. I guess online gives a bigger potential pool of other online folks also looking?
Summer job. I was in high school and he was in college.
If I had stayed unattached after college graduation, I don’t know how I would have met anyone. I don’t go to bars. I don’t go to church. I’ve mostly worked in jobs where the majority of my colleagues were female. I’m glad I already had a partner before I got out of school, and I’m glad that today’s young people have online dating. I think it’s a great idea.
Well, I am 48 so this is an outdated way of meeting, but very appropriate to share on College Confidential of all places!
My husband and I met in the early 1990s through a personal ad service called The Right Stuff. It was limited to people who had attended a certain short list of top colleges, which included both of our colleges. The Right Stuff had been advertised in New York Magazine, and we had both noticed the ad and connected with the organization.
I had been on a bunch of dates through personal ads through Newsday, etc., yet found my husband on only my second try through The Right Stuff! It was his first try. So it worked pretty well for us!
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Today’s online dating is the equivalent of personal ads back then. We would have been using an online system nowadays.
I was an elementary school teacher so most people with whom I interacted were female. I am not the type of person who could ever meet a man in a bar type place (I am a nondrinker and also not good at small talk or casual conversations). And I like to be in control of my destiny… so actively interviewing dates through personal ads was the best way to go for me!
Oct, freshman year of college. We were both taking self-paced chemistry at SMU. We had to sign up for each test on a board in the basement of the science building. We met signing up for class and dated ever since, marrying on campus the day before graduation. (That way our friends were still in town and our out of town and state relatives could come in for two occasions at once!)
When our son met his girlfriend in Sept of this year (his freshman year) we told him that it was way too early, he should have waited until at least October!
We met in law school, but had we not, I don’t know where I would’ve met someone. My job involved long hours, and I didn’t like going to bars. There were a few intra-office romances, but the idea of it made me uncomfortable.
I’m not sure how H and I would have met if we hadn’t been playing volleyball together, on the same team. Hmmm, I guess some things are meant to be. I was dating a few others at the time we met but no one as special as him.
One of my friends I had in college was married and she and her husband introduced me to my H-to-be as he was her husband’s best friend.
I work with a 33 yo woman who is single. She is not the bar type She works several jobs, but none of them lend themselves to meeting single men. And her hobbies are related to her work, so has the same issue. She also is not comfortable trying the online search. Other than finding a job in a more male populated area, I am out of suggestions for her.
We did a How I Met Your Mother and met each other move-in weekend, freshman year of college. I am very glad because the dating scene seems incredibly rough A lot of our friends lament how difficult it is to find and connect with someone, and express that we got so lucky to find each other so early. I can’t argue with that!
There’s a book by Aziz Ansari (I know, god, I’m so sorry) that attempts to tackle why it’s so hard these days. He points out that “back then,” people used to marry the girl next door or the boy down the street they grew up with. Somehow, those people made it work, staying happily married for decades, even though the main thing bringing them together was that they were a good, solid person who lived in their neighborhood. Nowadays, people will swipe left on someone for seemingly superficial reasons, such as liking the Red Sox or using too many exclamation points. He essentially argues that with social media and dating apps presenting thousands of eligible people at your fingertips, it makes people think they have a ton of options out there and shouldn’t settle for someone that doesn’t check all the boxes right away. Also, he says, there is a whole new world of etiquette that stresses people out and causes judgment. How soon should you text back? Should you write “hey” or “hello” or “heyyyyy” or “hi”? What does it mean if they aren’t answering you but posted to Instagram in the last ten minutes?
I mean, I honestly can’t comment on the accuracy of any of that because I never had to dip my toe in those waters, but he had diagrams and stuff
I met DH in my senior year in college. He was one of three TAs in an intense language program (3 years worth of language classes in 12 weeks.) Everyone in the class became friends because we spent basically 12 hour days together. And when the class ended, our friendship continued - and eventually became romantic. To this day we’re in touch with 2 others from that class!
“He points out that “back then,” people used to marry the girl next door or the boy down the street they grew up with.”
I don’t think a lot of people in my circles married the boy or girl next door but I can tell you we weren’t tied to TVs (very few channels, no streaming, etc.) and we weren’t spending hours a day online. Instead, we were out doing stuff. Dinners with groups of friends, house parties on the weekend and/or going clubbing/dancing on the weekends, movies with groups of friends, picnics, museums, playing tennis, hiking. I assume a lot of young people still do this stuff as I know mine do, they are more active than I was way back when (expect they don’t really do the clubbing/dance scene much but a lot more outdoorsy stuff like hiking, rock climbing, and skiing). Through such things, I would think you’d bump into other young people. My kids have had zero problem meeting members of the opposite sex.
I get the impression lots of young people don’t do as much of that kind of stuff anymore. Or do they?
My college kid was home for the holidays for several weeks and noticed that in our not-too-populated area there were a lot of old female classmates around and about to bump into but the guys were nowhere to be found. They just were not present at all. When he had a friend over and it came up I joked that all the guys were probably in their parents’ basements gaming and living like vampires. The female friend replied, “yup”.
My husband to be was chief purser on a cruise ship. I was a passenger. A mutual friend introduced us and for me it was love at first sight :x (I think it took him a little longer!) . Shortly thereafter I got a job on the ship, too, and we’ve been together ever since.
