Sorry, I don’t buy the dream school concept. There is no dream school, dream house, dream spouse. Every choice has its trade-offs.
I don’t think the mom is being irrational here. I would not be at all excited about a drive that long for my 18 year old kid; and moreover, my kids did not even own cars until they were old enough to pay for them, insurance, upkeep (which happened in their 30’s.) Fortunately, they had been living in places with good public transportation and the occasional zipcar.) I would not buy a teenager a car to take to college- I remember the kid on my hall Freshman year who owned a car and he was the constant chauffeur.
Teenagers have dream schools. Adults learn to make trade-offs and compromise.
I’m a UWO alum (as it was called then, that’s University College in my avatar), and while it’s a great school, I’m not sure why it’s your “dream”. In any case if attending is what you really want you’ll need to alleviate your mom’s fears by coming up with a good transportation plan, one that doesn’t involve you driving alone for 8 hours. I don’t know where in the US you live but London, the city where Western is located, is about a 2 hour train ride from Toronto. From Toronto there are many transportation options.
I lived 2 hours from campus when I attended and my mother had similar fears. That’s just the nature of mothers.
BTW you want to convince your mom to let you attend university in Canada. If you’re going to attend school in Canada, you need to be aware that colleges and universities are not the same thing. The two terms are not interchangeable like they often are in the US.
My daughter’s school was an 8-hour drive under the best of conditions. 500 miles almost exactly. She had a good education, but what a pain. Driving a car was really the only option. The nearest airport was over an hour away, and a bus trip would have taken more than 24 hours due to the schedules. You really do want to think about the logistics. Being so far away from home is hard.
I was 6 hours + from home with no way to fly. Also freshmen weren’t allowed to have cars on campus. There were buses however to the major cities for all the school breaks, so I would do that and my mom would come pick me up from there (about an hour from home). Eventually I made friends with people with cars and there was a ride share board (there are apps for that now ; ).
The only time it was really an issue when there was a family medical emergency and it took me two days to piece together a way home. The couple of times I was sick, I just dealt with it myself. I don’t even think I told my parents until after the fact but it was never anything major.
The bigger issue here is the dream school mom isn’t letting you go. And all schools have issues. Bad roomies. Bad profs. Bad food. Bad mental health services. Whatever.
There are tens if not hundreds of schools kids can have a great experience at. Find one that works for both you and mom. There is no such thing as a dream school even though kids want to think there is.
My 22 year old is 12 hours away, it’s been fine. Sometimes she flies, sometimes she drives, she didn’t bring her car in the fall but hitched a ride back to school, and again home for winter break, drove herself and 2 others back for the spring (she’s graduating in May so needs her car to bring her stuff home). My other kids were 45 minutes, 75 minutes, and 2 hours away, there really wasn’t a big difference, except for the 45 minute one who was able to come home weekends when her grandmother was dying. My kids rarely came home from college outside of breaks.
My older son went to McGill in Montreal, we are from Boston. It was a 300 mile/6-hour drive without passing through any major metro centers. We were fully supportive and travel was not a problem If you fly from your home I assume you would fly into Detroit which I believe is closer to London than Toronto.
You can ask your mom if she would feel the same if you were attending Stanford or Harvard and they were 8+ hours away. Funny how that distance doesn’t seem to bother people anywhere in the world
One of my kids thought about attending college on the west coast. We live on the east coast. My other kid was going to a college a 9 hour drive away, and the flight was maybe 1.5 hours. I would have been fine with either scenario, but I’m not your mom.
An 8 hour drive is a short flight. Is there a compromise that maybe once or twice a school year, you can fly, and drive the remainder of the time? Is the total college cost enough to afford flights? Did she allow you to apply? Illness is one thing, but frankly, you really shouldn’t go home at weekends anyway. Becoming an independent person who is allowed to discover your interests and meet new people is part of the experience.
I’d find out where all the hospitals are near the college and investigate what health services are offered on campus. What is the career center like? What companies recruit from this college? What does it offer that makes it best for your major? Give her other compelling reasons why this is a good place for you, and leave the “dream school” out of it.
Is 8 hours driving distance really that far? In Bay Area, most kids want to go to college at least that far from home. They all want to attend UCLA, UCI, UCSD, UCSB. I know kids rejected offer from CAL just because it is too close from home. And then you have kids in South Cal want to go to CAL and UCD, just want to get away from home.
I also know kids constantly want to come home just because their colleges are few hours driving distance from home. Their parents have to drive few hours pick them up and drop them off over the weekend. Think about Bay Area to Cal Poly.
I agree @blossom! I don’t believe in one dream school either. I think there are lots of well-fitting schools (and lots of poor-fitting schools). But I do believe in young people pursuing their dreams, and being given space to make their own choices and mistakes. Not at all cost or without considering input from people they respect. Anyhow, the OP asked specifically “how do I convince my Mom,” not “Is this a good choice for me?” So I answered. It seems to me worthwhile to investigate various transportation options, if coming home frequently is important to the OP; but for some at that age, it’s not important, and in fact they want to get as far away from the parents as possible!
Yes, it wasn’t clear to me if this is something OP thinks they want to do or if it is something the parent wants to happen. Either case should be addressed of course, but would be in different ways.
How you respond is also part of your mother’s evaluation.
A parent may be looking for signs of maturity in handling disappointment, besides the financial and transportation and practical concerns….
The background is worth considering.
Is a student showing capabilities to handle more adult responsibilities or are parents constantly nagging to be on time, etc., help with chores, save $…
I would have been very annoyed if any of my kids thought the goal was to “convince” me to attend a college I thought wasn’t workable.
As parents we worked hard with our kids to help them figure out what they wanted out of their education, and then worked even harder to find schools where they could achieve those goals within other guidelines we set out. There was no “convincing” involved. One kids guidance counselor had identified a long list of possible safety schools for one kid- great, thanks for the hard work. But I told my kid that I was not interested in being full pay for a second tier engineering program when a flagship U (not our own, but a neighboring state) had a much better program at half the cost (even before a merit award). I’d have resented mightily any effort to “convince” me. My kids knew- I’d pay more for MORE- more rigor, more academic opportunities, more engaged student body, more faculty involved in a intellectual inquiry for undergrads. But not paying more for less- fewer requirements to graduate, more AP credits so you could get out faster, etc.
Parents set out their own limitations based on their own life experiences. I’m going to guess that the OP’s Mom believes that with thousands of U’s in the US there is likely another “dream college” within her geographical limits.
And the OP has been silent on why this particular U has a particular department/area of study which can’t be replicated elsewhere…
Maybe because people are being critical? OP didn’t ask our opinions on their choice. They asked how to talk to their parent. I think that got lost a few replies back.
I got that. I wasn’t critical myself. Mostly I didn’t think more comments were needed since the OP hasn’t come back since the day the question was posed.
