I got accepted to Western University, and it checks all the boxes my mom and I set, except for distance. It’s an 8 hour drive one way, which I don’t think is too long, but my mom wants me to go to college within a 2 hour drive. I understand her concerns, but it’s my dream school. Any suggestions on how to convince her?
Well she let you apply.
Don’t know your mom but why the concern ? Is there easy alternative travel - flights, train ?
Maybe it’s just transport concerns she has.
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She’s concerned that if I get sick or just want to drive down for the weekend I won’t be able too. She’s also concerned about the price of air travel, but I plan on driving anyway.
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It really depends on what is affordable, what other options you have closer to home, etc.
FWIW I told my kids at the very start of the college search process that if they wanted to attend a far away (more than 4-5 hour drive) college that they would need to make a case for why that particular college is better for them (academically, socially, etc.) than closer options. So… I would start by developing a strong case for your preferred college including academics, cost, transportation, etc. Since healthcare is an issue for your mom look into the health services available at or near the school.
In the end my kids did go to college within a few hours from home but S did go to grad school halfway across the country (a program that was well worth the distance).
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Maybe you both can drive there together and you can show her you can handle.
I understand her concerns.
Many are ok with their kids going thousands of miles away. Others aren’t.
Don’t forget - you don’t have a dream school. You think you do but you don’t.
They all have issues - bad roomies, food, profs, whatever.
The other thing is - there’s many colleges people could and would be happy at - there’s not just one.
So have an open mind. Mom is paying (likely for the car too) and so that matters somewhat too.
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Find ulternative transportation. I would be concerned about driving along for 8 hours.
Is there different airport? City within 2 hours with better/cheaper connection?
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My daughter applied to a school in the UK. She was hesitant to tell us because of the distance. We said, ultimately, it’s your decision where you go to college. This is your life and your future. We will support you with your decisions, but you will have to remember ALL THE TIME that coming home is not going to be instantaneous.
My oldest went to school 1100 miles away. She made the choice and she’s happy with the choice she made and when she graduates in May she’s looking for a job anywhere she can get a job. But we have made it known to both kids that they always have a place at home. Whether it’s to visit or to stay because they need to.
If you have to make the case for why this school works for you, then do it. But your parents have to give you freedom to grow and experience life. Staying in a bubble doesn’t help you figure out life and make the mistakes that you don’t know of the future.
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My daughter is planning to apply to Canada (3 schools) that are 12 hours away. I’ll be completely honest -and tell you I’m very sad/hesitant/worried to have her that far away -and your mom may be feeling the same way. It’s very, very hard to see your kids head off to college. We are happy for you -but also miss you dreadfully.
But she convinced me because:
- Economically is cheaper than many of her other options
- They are really great schools
- She said she’d like to live in Canada someday -and going to college is the easier/most reliable way to get there.
So I guess I’m saying make your case --maybe even make a Slide show or something to convince her why this is the best option.
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As an aside, I’m not a fan of the concept of having one “dream school.” There are many colleges where one can have a fantastic four year experience.
I hope things work out and you can attend your preferred college, but wherever you end up, go with a positive attitude and make the most of the experience.
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Western University health plan for international students: UHIP - International & Exchange Student Centre - Western University
Given how much people in the US complain about health care, it could very well be better (and less expensive) for the OP in Canada.
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So I don’t know all the family dynamics but maybe you want to gently explain to her that even if you are closer, settling into college and making new friends etc means that you are probably very seldom going to want to come home for the weekend no matter where you are. As already pointed out, healthcare is likely a lot easier to deal with in Canada than in the US too.
Have you had much experience doing long drives? It may help ease her fears if there is someone you could share driving with.
Sample of two…my kids. The only restriction we put on their college choices…they either had to be within a three hour drive from home or within an hour of a close friend or relative.
One kid went 2 hours drive away.
Second kid went across the country but was minutes from a close friend and within an hour of many relatives. She knew that this meant she would be coming home ONLY for the longer winter break and summers. She spent the smaller breaks either with relatives or friends, or doing service projects through her school.
I will add that airfare home for the far away kid tripled in the four years she was in college. Driving wasn’t ever going to happen.
I would also be concerned about driving in winter weather for those breaks.
BUT…we didn’t let our kids apply to any colleges that didn’t meet that criteria!
Please discuss this with your mom. She is the only one who can help you. You can politely ask why you were allowed to apply given the distance. But honestly, if distance is a firm NO, you probably need to respect that.
Adding…my far away kid had a medical emergency her senior year. There was no way for me to get there for surgery happening the following morning at 7 am. Thank goodness for a close relative and a very good friend who were there for her.
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It doesn’t matter what any of us allowed our kids to do - whatever we did is irrelevant, because your mom’s decision is the one that matters. You asked how to help her change her mind. My advice is to choose a time when she’s not stressed (we moms do get stressed!), and have an honest conversation with her. Talk with her about your reasons for wanting to go to school there … and listen to her reasons why she wants you to be closer to home. Try to understand her point of view in the same way you want her to understand your point of view. That will open a path to further discussion, and it may or may not go the way you hope. Either way, you will be fine. Honest.
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I suggest focusing on the main point: it’s your dream school. Parents should allow their 18 year old kids to follow their dreams, especially since “it checks all the boxes my mom and I set.” I mean we’re talking about going to college in Canada. Not running drugs through Afghanistan.
You could also say if after a year it doesn’t work out you can transfer.
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Great School I had several
Friends attend of course that was decades ago!! Have you visited the school yet? Has your mom visited the school? IF not a road trip would be a nice idea. I cannot give you any advice on how to convince your mom other than to keep communicating. I currently live in the IL but my family is in Ontario, so I make the 8-9 hour drive several times a year and it is a relatively easy drive. If my D26 put Western on her list we would happily let her go there. Great school, great college town, COA at Canadian schools is a plus especially with the exchange rate. Good Luck
How stressful! I am sorry to hear this happened. I am glad to hear she had someone with her. We have been keeping that in mind with our D26 There are a couple schools that she is considering that are close to good friends/family that make us feel more comfortable about the school
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8-9 hr drive home by oneself in the winter would concern me as a parent.
You don’t need a PowerPoint presentation. But put together a list of your top reasons why you prefer this school over the others. Solid reasons, not stuff like “because I heard from person-at-school that it’s a good school.”
For example:
D24’s top choice after fin aid offers came in was OOS. Dad wanted her to stay in state. She put together list of her top few reasons why that school, such as:
- smaller class sizes
- Everybody lives on campus all 4 yr
- School has preferential admissions for PA grad school if you attend starting freshman yr.
- all classes in person. None online.
- was affordable
- Really really liked the vibe on campus. Everyone friendly, helpful, etc.
- not overly focused on Greek life
You have to articulate WHY you like that school more than the others.
Given College COA is so high ($30K to $100K), flight ticket price is nothing for 8 hours driving distance. We are talking $100 to $200 one way ticket. If the school really fit all yours and mom’s criteria including academic, location, budget, vibe and etc. Why bother by just a few hundred $ more per year? Try to reason with your mom like this. Good Luck.
My kid had $200 round trip flights as a freshman, but by the time she graduated, the costs were almost $500 round trip.
She knew if she went to college there, there would only be two plane tickets home a year. And that was it. We also never went for parents weekend or to visit. Between the time change and the costs, we just didn’t go. It was fine.
Our kids didn’t have cars in college, and I would not have allowed an 8 hour drive home. And then back.
I like the idea above of stating why this college in Canada is the better choice…but I would leave the discussion of distance out of the discussion.