I have extremely strict parents and they wont let me go to my dream school ucla. Instead they want me to go to ucsd sincee I live in San Diego. I feel so stuck can you guys help me find ways to make them consider ucla?
Are the costs the same for both schools? Did you get into your choice major at both schools? Will you commute to UCSD vs living on campus?
- All-female dorm: Does UCLA have single-sex housing for women? If so, maybe they would feel more comfortable if you were to commit to an all-female dorm.
- Ethnic/religious group: Is your family part of an immigrant,ethnic, orreligious group that is traditionally strict with children? If so, perhaps you can find an on-campus affinity group that you will promise to join. Or perhaps you can find other families of the same background whose children go there and see if the parents can talk to your parents.
- Keeping in touch: Promise to call every night and come home every vacation plus two additional weekends each semester—at least for freshman year, then re-evaluate.
college experience!! it’s not just about studying! UCLA offers more not just academically, but also the college town / sports / school spirit!!
UCSD is nice…but it doesn’t have sports!
Did they let you know about their concerns with UCLA before you applied?
There are no magic phrases that are going to work here.
All you can try is a process. You have a month until the SIR is due. Start by reading the book “Getting More” by Stuart Diamond; hopefully it is at a local library. He is an expert negotiator. I’m not, but having read his book I think the 1st point he’d make is that its not about the decision, its about the people. Until you understand the picture in their mind you are unlikely to make much progress. And he suggests a way to try to really, viscerally, understand. Have a play negotiation with a friend. But there’s a twist. You play your parents, and you have to try to really win. After that he goes on to talk about tactics such as standards, incremental steps, framing, etc.
But the time to work thru this was probably in November when you sent the apps in and everything was still up in the air.
It’s only about a 2 hour drive which honestly isn’t bad at all. I’m going from Chicago which is a 29 hour drive LOL. So you could try putting that into perspective for them. Also, I stayed in my friends dorm when I went out to UCLA to visit and her roommate has a boyfriend at UCSD. Apparently every weekend they take turns visiting one another at either college so it’s definitely a possible commute. I know that UCLA has buses that go to a variety of places every weekend to allow students better access to California. You should call their office and see if they have any that go to San Diego and how often that bus runs. This way, it’s more affordable and an established plan for coming home on the weekends.
I would also make sure if your parents only concern is distance. It might be something else holding them back as well. If it is only distance though, you should definitely emphasize the academic benefit to going to UCLA over UCSD. It may help calling UCLA to talk to someone who works in residential life to talk to your parents and explain ways of parents still being connected and the safety of campus. Even if they tell your parents exactly what you’ve been telling them, sometimes parents just don’t listen to/trust their kids so it may help coming from someone else.
You could also negotiate some sort of agreement where no matter what you have to come home x amount of weekends, make x amounts of calls, etc. You could also try to push for them to at least just give you a year trial, and if you break your promise you’ll transfer to UCSD your sophomore year.
Good Luck!
p.s. I don’t have strict parents by any means so I can’t really relate, plus I’m not sure of your family situation and if they’re paying for your college or what not so they have more say in the matter. But honestly, it’s your life. At the end of the day, you have to make the decision that’s best for you and if that’s UCLA, that’s what you need to do. Unless there’s no way of being able to make your own decision and they can indeed stop you from going, I would just commit. (I don’t mean to overstep any boundaries or anything, I would just hate to see you give up on your dream and regret it in the future.) But I truly hope everything works out for you! Again, best of luck!
@chelsea61 has the right idea: it’s not that much farther from San Diego to UCLA. It’s a pretty quick drive, and you can come back to visit by taking the Metrolink train to Oceanside and then either the 101 bus to UCSD or the Coaster train to downtown.
Both great schools-congrats! If rankings matter to them: Forbes #45 UCLA, #123 UCSD , US News Global Rankings #8 UCLA, #19 UCSD. You cant go wrong with either school academically. Again congrats on your acceptances and good luck!