Ever since I’ve entered high school I’ve battled feelings of emptiness and boredom. When I was in middle school, I thought high school would be a time to find my passions, learn new skills, and actually accomplish something novel. Basically, I thought the status quo would change. Now that I am midway through my sophomore I realize that it is just a continuation of everything meaningless I’ve been doing my entire life, completing useless classes with vague goals and applications. I’ve had this feeling that I should be doing more, so I’m trying to self teach topics I am interested in outside of the classroom, but it’s hard to really get far since school takes so much of my time. In all honesty, I feel like I haven’t progressed in terms of skill since I was a pre-freshman. Every day is a mirror of the last, and I defeatedly push through daily mundane tasks knowing my youth is slowly sapping away as I grow ever closer towards the great Era of Stagnation where I know my potentials will be set. Could anyone experienced describe a time when they felt this way? How did you deal with it? What actionable decisions did you take that modified your circumstances?
Well, if you aren’t actually suffering from clinical depression, then it sounds like you haven’t found things you really love doing that you can do regularly every day. If you aren’t that interested in traditional academics, look outside–maybe even outside of intellectual learning completely. Yes, we all have areas in our lives that feel boring–but you shouldn’t feel like your youth is “sapping away” in every activity. Do you feel like some activities are not allowed to you? Pottery, photography, other art forms? Hiking, community service at a food bank? Nobody likes every single activity, but if you aren’t being pushed to “grind” by your parents, you’ll be able to find things.
One solution is to read and learn about people who felt the same way you did! Sartre, the Book of Ecclesiastes, many of the ancient philosophers.
What you are feeling is part of the human condition- read what some brilliant philosophers and ethicists have had to say and it will likely help you move forward.
For some people, it’s artistic expression. For others, it’s being of service to the needy and vulnerable. For some, it’s appreciating the natural world and falling in love with a beautiful sunset, rock formation, or riverbank.
Ask your English teacher for suggestions for reading; ask your gym teacher for suggestions of “getting outside” that you may not have thought about (sailing? kayaking? spelunking?) Visit a museum, attend a concert, help an elderly neighbor clean out the garage on Sunday.
You are not alone. But wallowing won’t help.
So one tip is there is a large body of research that supports the general idea that human happiness and fulfillment is usually most furthered by experiences we share with others and that contribute to initiating or deepening social connections. This can take many forms, like being on competitive teams, co-working (for profit or charity), religious activities, travel or other adventures, and so on. It can also be as simple as getting together for cooking/eating, singing, dancing, a walk, or so on.
I am mentioning this because you didn’t really seem to be mentioning anything along those lines, even in general terms, as things you were hoping to do during your “youth”. But I think most people find when they look back on their life, it was the times filled with shared experiences that they remember most fondly, and see as well-spent.
One way to address this is to find ways to get out of yourself. For example, volunteer in a soup kitchen. Visit people who are chronically ill, young or old. Find out if there is an organization nearby that does work in prisons. Get a job working after school in a day care center, taking care of young kids. Identify a cause you feel passionate about, find an organization that works on this, and volunteer to help with fund raising or letter writing.
Any of these, or similar activities, will help you become connected to something larger than yourself. They can help you find a sense of meaning and purpose in your life. They can put you on the path to helping you identify your life’s work. Even if your involvement proves to be not to your liking, it’s still a positive experience because eliminating potential interests is as important as finding the ones that grab your interest.
All we can do
Is all we can do.
One avenue I’d strongly suggest checking out would be Scouting. It incorporates many of the benefits outlined above (social engagement, service to the community, exercise, skill development, leadership), within a framework designed to help young people thrive and grow. It’s off a lot of peoples’ radars, unfortunately. There are probably several troops in your area that would love to have you join.
Current HS senior here. I felt pretty similarly my first two years of high school—school was something I wanted so much more out of than I was getting, and I felt pretty trapped, among other feelings of depression and anxiety. The thing that really helped me was seeing a psychiatrist and starting on medication. Is that an avenue you could explore? The way your post is phrased makes it sound like this is more than just simple discontent. It might not be, but I thought I’d ask.
As for more easily achievable things: does your school offer dual enrollment classes, or could you directly take a class or two at a local community college? Even if you only take a one or two-credit class, it’s going to be more stimulating than high school. If that’s a possibility but it would conflict with your schedule, talk to your counselor. They’d probably be more than happy to help you challenge yourself, even if that means moving classes around or doing a class online.
I second all of the suggestions for volunteering and joining otherwise intensive extracurriculars (Scouting was one that sounded great). Doing things for the benefit of others can be a good way to get out of your head for a bit.