How do I deal with rejection???... I am really devastated!!.

Graduate School
1

Hi everyone!.

I am an international student and I applied to 7 graduate schools in the USA. I applied to programs in Neuroscience, because I wanted to do research in this field. During my 5 years of undergraduate preparation in my country, I worked extremely hard for this opportunity. I gave up my social life, my familiy, my friends, my couple, etc. I invested all my savings in courses, exams, applications, etc. I think that everything looked fine until I took the GRE exam. I got 146 in both section in spite of the fact that I studied extremely hard for this test, I even lost my hair because of the stress that this exams represented to me. It was embarrasing getting this score, I was devastated and completly ashamed, but some professors and friends encouraged me to apply. According to them and some persons on Internet, getting a low GRE score is not going to keep you out from graduate schools. I knew that my chances are lower with these scores, I have good research experience, teaching assistance, lots of scholarships, university and community services, graduated with honors, conferences, etc., etc., etc., and by the way, I could not retake the exam because of the deadline and my lack of money.

Well, I applied anyway. I sent my applications a day before the deadline because I was really depressed, however, I struggled writing a good SOP and getting good LOR. Today, I recieved my second rejection, and I am waiting to hear back from the other 5 schools, nevertheless, I am sure that all of them will be rejections too.

Perhaps you may think that I am exaggerating, but I worked 5 YEARS, I invested 5 years of my life in this, I never stopped working one day, I literally never rested one day during these years because I really wanted this chance. I had in my mind getting my PhD from a university in the USA. Everyone in my family and friend have the expectation that I will studying this year there, even my mother has began saving money for me (this is really sad , because my mother really believes that I will attain my dream, despite having recieved my second rejection letter), even this morning my mother told me: “My heart tells me that you will be there, stay strong, you will have your chance, I know it”.

On the other hand, you may think that I can reapply next year, but that is not an option for me, I prefer to get my PhD in my country and in my alma mater (which is one of the best universities in the world and the best in my country) and then look for a postdoc position in the USA.

So guys, what do you think?. How do I deal with rejection?. How do I deal with the fact that 5 years of my life are down the drain?. I always hear that hard work gets you always good results, but it seems that I am the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who cannot say that.

Thanks guys and I will look forward to your answers!!!

Regards!.

2

You are looking at this the wrong way. You are saying that 5 years of your life are down the drain. Why? Because you weren’t accepted to US universities. That is a cop out. Didn’t you receive an education? Are you saying that you regret receiving an education? You are fortunate that you did receive an education; many people don’t. You should consider yourself lucky that you have gained 5 years of education. Realize that your work enabled you to complete your education. That’s how you have to look at it.

The US universities are not obligated to admit every student who applies and just because you “studied for 5 years” does not automatically gain admission. Your expectation that, “I had in my mind getting my PhD from a university in the USA” was a thought, so you really set yourself up for disappointment. The universities don’t owe you a thing since they cannot guarantee that any person will be admitted or accepted.

It doesn’t matter that you’re getting rejections from schools in the US because American universities do not guarantee that every student applying to their schools will gain admission. There just is not enough space for every domestic and international student who wants to attend a university. There are also American students who work hard and get rejected by US universities; again, there are no guarantees.

I think you and your family have had unrealistic expectations in assuming that all of the US universities, to which you applied to, were going to admit your and solve all of your problems. The universities’ are under no obligation to admit anyone. Spending your money and your time on tests and studies was your choice. I don’t think your five years were a waste if you gained an education. Your mistake was in assuming that you were owed an American education.

3

I was almost upset for you until I see you have a viable option where you are. It isn’t like there is no grad school in your future–now you say you can go to one of the best in the world. You should be serene. You yourself admit your application had many problems, not just the GRE. But ‘down the drain?’ how dramatic. Who says hard work always gets good results? Aesop? You aren’t a child, you know these admissions are selective and there are many parts that make up an admission committee decision. Yes GRE can be overlooked if they want but there has to be a reason and it may be hard to have the confidence in someone overseas. That’s where your research, pubs and especially letters come in. Maybe you will get more sympathy if you try thegradcafe.

4

Did you have a safety in that mix?

5

You don’t say where you applied and you don’t say anything about your grades. It is possible that you had unrealistic expectations about the schools to which you applied. You have to realize that the most selective programs has many, many more applicants than they can accept. Most applicants won’t be accepted.

6

Unfortunately grad school spots are very limited. In some fields it is not unusual for applicants to have to go through several years of applying before they are accepted to any programs. During that time they get some job or internship in the field if possible to gain experience as well as developing relationships with possible recommenders.

I have two daughters, both in the humanities, one was accepted to one of the top programs in her field after moving off a waitlist. She had several rejections at other top programs and some acceptances at lesser programs. The other was applying for an MFA in Acting, received rejections at every program she applied to. Shared a cab with someone who had been rejected at every program applied to for the third year in a row. On the other hand we have a friend whose d is in a Ph.d program now in which there are officially not enough spots for internships nationally for those enrolled in the Ph.d program wherever they study. You cannot apply to grad school in the field until you are two-years post college with experience in some capacity in the field. This is not uncommon.

7

Don’t look at it as your hard work going down the drain–you got a college education in those five years. What’s bad about that. Unfortunately, your graduate school plans in the US didn’t work out as you expected. You do have Plan B–going to graduate school at the same institution where you got an undergraduate degree. I’d take that option and don’t look back and don’t regret getting an education and working hard. No one can take that away from you.

8

Well, first of all, you have only heard back from 2 schools. You’re having a meltdown over something that hasn’t even happened yet - wait and see what you hear back from the other schools.

Second of all, waiting a year is certainly an option for you. It’s just an option that you prefer not to take, and that’s fine. Nonetheless, if you have a fantastic program waiting for you with a viable Plan B, why on earth would you feel like your last 5 years went down the drain? As was already mentioned, surely your only goal was not to get into a PhD program. There are other tangible and intangible rewards to college education, and surely you’ve achieved some of those, too.

The best way to recover from rejection is to depersonalize it - you have to kill the idea that a rejection from a handful of PhD programs is a measure of your self-worth as a human being. It’s totally not. Remind yourself that qualified applicants get rejected all the time, not because they are terrible, but because there simply are not enough spaces for everyone who is qualified.

A couple of other thoughts:

-It’s completely untrue that low GRE scores are not going to keep you out of graduate school. They can, and they do. It really depends on the circumstances. It’s unlikely that average but not excellent GRE scores would keep a superstar applicant out, but a borderline applicant may very well be rejected because of low GRE scores.

-If your plan is to continue into academia - which it sounds like it is - your really need to lose the catastrophic thinking and learn to deal with rejection, soon. Academia is a career rife with rejection. After this, it will be fellowships that you don’t get, presentations that don’t get into conferences, papers that don’t get into journals, postdocs and jobs that you don’t get, grants that don’t get funded, and perhaps even an unfavorable tenure review (if you make it that far). Most academics probably get rejected more often than they get success. You have to recover very quickly from rejection and move onto the next project - try, try again.

Again, it’s about that depersonalization. Some random reviewer disliking my paper doesn’t mean that I myself am a bad researcher - nor does it even mean that the paper was bad. Sometimes it was just the wrong outlet or it needs to be fixed. And sometimes, even if the paper was bad, that’s not a reflection on MY worth as a person, just means that I need to fix the paper. You have to emotionally detach yourself from rejection, otherwise this will be a very painful ride for you.

-Lastly, the idea that hard work always = good results is a fantasy. Hard work can increase the chances of good results, but good science is often the result of hard work plus a little luck. And success in careers is always due to hard work plus some other factors - luck, your personal networks, the moods and opinions of other people, etc. I mean, Galileo is considered the father of modern science, but he spent most of his later life under house arrest - forced to recant much of his science - because he had the bad luck of trying to do science in Catholic Italy in the 16th-17th century.

9

The OP is completely over-reacting to an initial rejections. You should until you hear from the rest of the schools before considering what to do.

10

It sounds like you could use some time to mature and grow up before joining a program. Graduate school is going to throw a whole lot of psychological crap at you, and if you’re breaking down for this, you are going to find it extremely stressful and difficult. If you’re blaming grad school already for you missing out on opportunities for the last five years, think about how much you’re going to regret it when you’re doing only a very niche part of your field for 10+ years. Maybe this is a sign for you?

11

^That’s actually a very good point, @rabbitstew. Graduate school is full of sacrifices, and if bitterness follows after doing 5 years of work in college after a very minor round of rejections (only to 2 out of 7 schools, with the rest of the results pending), then what will you feel like if you spend 6 years doing a PhD and don’t get a tenure-track job immediately?

It doesn’t mean you aren’t ready or shouldn’t begin in Fall of 2015 - it just means that this is something to think about and develop quickly over the next few months/years.

Either way, though, come back and let us know what happens!

12

Not to mention a low score on a grant application you worked really hard on…