<p>I wish you luck. You might try doing a list of pros and cons.</p>
<p>Tell your Mom you will take the bus . . . that ends her fear of you driving. Also, remind her you are/will be an adult . . .it is time to let you spread your wings and fly a little, solo. Listen well to your Mom, she’ll be the ONLY one that you can be sure to be there for you in the event of a crash landing. In other words, you “don’t get through to your mom”, you work together to plan for making your dreams come true (it’s not about the college). Work together.</p>
<p>Is there anyone in your life that could help explain to your mom that what she is feeling is normal? Your mom needs to understand that she is not helping her relationship with you. You are an adult and you could decide that going to college and living at home is not what you want at all, so you could change directions, get a job and move out. It seems to me that what your mother is experiencing is perfectly normal but most parents are able to let their kids go away even though they would be happier if their child stayed at home. My youngest leaves this fall (we don’t know where yet) and I know life will be different but I am excited for her even though my husband and I will miss her greatly, just like we miss her siblings. Don’t get too bogged down by “guilt trips”. Your parents and grandparents are not being fair by doing that to you, so don’t let them. You need to do what is right for you. It also might mean you take a different path than what you or your mother had envisioned. It’s a whole lot easier to say than do. I hope for the best for you.</p>
<p>I had never been to Pittsburgh until DD was accepted there. Talk your mom into taking a trip over to Pittsburgh. Come on this site and ask for suggestions for what to do when you are there; we will give you all kinds of great ideas–Carnegie Museum, arboretum, etc. Perhaps she will fall in love with the city and she will be easier to convince that Pitt is the place for you.</p>
<p>^ You and me Wirefox, you and me. How do you change after 18-years of laser focused attention. We’ll get there. Ha-ha!</p>
<p>@MDMom We are going to be making a trip up to Pittsburgh for accepted students day, so I’m kind of holding my slim hopes up. My mom isn’t very open minded, once she has set an opinion, it’s almost impossible to change it. She thinks that Drexel is a far better and more prestigious school than Pitt, when in fact its the complete contrary. I’ve showed her rankings, student reviews of each school, etc, yet nothing changes her mind.</p>
<p>Megabus has direct trips between Philly and Pittsburg for only $35 each way: [megabus</a> US - Home](<a href=“http://us.megabus.com/JourneyResults.aspx]megabus”>http://us.megabus.com/JourneyResults.aspx) </p>
<p>She can come to see you without having to do the driving herself. AMTRAK makes the trip too, but it is more expensive. </p>
<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>
<p>Another possiblity … at $11k/yr Pitt is probably doable totally on your own … I’m assuming your package from Pitt did not include loans … working 10 hours/wk during school, during summers and winter break, and a loan of about $5k/yr and your parents no longer control the purse string of your decision. To head out on your own woul dbe a tough road to take … it certainly would get you to Pitt … but only you can guess how your family would react to such a move and if it is worth considering.</p>
<p>A less antagonistic approach … maybe some raw data can help … like showing that vitually all the top schools require freshman to live on campus … and the percentage of freshman who do at Pitt and at your parents first choice … maybe there are some trusted adults (aunts, cousins, guidence counselor) that could try to talk to your parents on your behalf.</p>
<p>Good luck … and congrats on your admission and scholarship results.</p>
<p>I just had another talk with my mom, we looked up rankings, reviews, etc. I realized how helpless my situation is. My mom thinks that Drexel is far more prestigious than Pitt just because Drexel is private, she thinks that Drexel is the only school that has co-op, and when I try explaining to her how practically every school has a co-op program, she doesn’t believe me. </p>
<p>What hurts my situation even more is that my cousin commutes, and no one in my family has ever lived on campus. My mom thinks that dorms are nothing but toilet sized rooms where nothing but drugs or partying happens. She thinks that those who dorm are idiots, and that the majority of college students commute. My mom fails to see the positives of living on campus.</p>
<p>I just feel so hopeless, I have my heart set on Pitt, and I don’t want to go to Drexel to pay more and commute, there’s no logic behind it.</p>
<p>She sounds like a very opinionated person. Her family is the only data that commands her respect (what your grandma says, what your cousin does). </p>
<p>Don’t feel hopeless. Decide you are going to win this and don’t give up.</p>
<p>In addition to the good advice in prior posts, I’ll throw out a few more approaches</p>
<p>What are some ideas that come from her Russian experience? If, for example, she understands that a purpose of college is to find good work, tell her that in the U.S. people make real friends in college on dorms that help them in future years as business contacts. Even your studies go better when you know people in the same classes, to talk over classnotes. </p>
<p>As far as “toilet-sized” dorm rooms, her opinion matters not at all. You’re living in the room, not your mom. If she feels it’s not worth paying for, you’ve got that covered in that she’s NOT paying for the room at Pitt. Joking about small dorm rooms is a bonding experience for American kids someday – in business talk (I"m trying to sound Russian here). </p>
<p>Ask her what she would have done if someone hadn’t let her leave Russia when she was ready or needed to? (maybe that’s too rude, I don’t know).</p>
<p>The other thought is there may be no reasoning with her, and you just have to steel yourself to repeat and wear her down with, “I need to do it this way. This is what is right for me and my future. I can’t realize myself and be the man you want me to be if I live in the comfort of your home throughout college. Please respect me for this.I love you like crazy but it’s time for you to let me go and do this.” Rinse and repeat.</p>
<p>I’m suggesting if she’s that strong a personality, you may not be able to lovey-dovey her into this; rather gain her respect by not letting her wear you down. </p>
<p>Go to sleep and wake up, start over again tomorrow. </p>
<p>Last idea: are there any men in her life she WILL listen to? A brother somewhere around the world who might relate to your appeal that this is a better choice for you educationally, emotionally, and the time has come to let you loose. Men get that sometimes. </p>
<p>Last ditch effort, although I’m not sure she’d respect their opinion: school principal, guidance counselor, local priest, or any other authority figure who can confirm what you’ve already showed her re: objective data about both colleges.</p>
<p>She’s stuck in a rut. Please stay strong. It’s important.</p>
<p>Adding: when she denounces dorms as places where kids only drink and party, say “Some do, I don’t.” When she repeats the same complaint, say the same thing back in other words, “They do, but that’s not for me.” When she says dorms are just for drinkers and partiers, say, “I’ve heard that too, but it doesn’t matter. That’s not what I am going to do. I’m a leader, not a follower.” Over and over. </p>
<p>I think you’ll wear her down unless you let her wear you out first, which would be a shame.</p>
<p>Finally, while visiting Pitt, be HAPPY. Smile, bounce, enthuse even when she tries to throw cold water on something. Perhaps if she sees your joy and enthusiasm there, it will move her to realize you are simply a happier young man there. Lots of moms really want their kids to be happy, it just takes them longer to buy in when it’s the opposite of what would make them (mom) happy.</p>
<p>As you walk around, when she complains (and she will), don’t engage with her; just shrug and smile because it doesn’t bother YOU. Whatever bothers her doesn’t have to bother you. Don’t let her run down or spoil your visit by all her complaining (and I think she’ll try).</p>
<p>Would this work? When you visit Pitt together, visit a Russian studies house or program, too. [CREES:</a> The Center for Russian and East European Studies](<a href=“http://www.ucis.pitt.edu/crees/]CREES:”>Center for Russian, East European, and Eurasian Studies) Chekc out their “Resources” and “Events” to drop in.</p>
<p>It just might make her feel an affection for the school that pays attention to her homeland. Even walking by bulletin boards with items posted in Russian languages will make her feel connected and affirmed. Just an idea.</p>
<p>If she thinks it’s not relevant because it won’t be your major, say it’d just be interesting; you could ATTEND their evening events and meet/befriend other students who do major in Russian studies…if you lived at UPitt, that is.</p>
<p>Brilliant idea, paying3!</p>
<p>You need to find some Russian emigres who know something about American colleges, that she would listen to. Like professors, esp in the subjects you are thinking of. </p>
<p>It doesn’t matter whether they are from Pitt or anywhere else. Email or call some Russian profs who are at U Penn or Princeton or somewhere she might respect and see if they can talk to her.</p>
<p>[The</a> Nationality Rooms - Welcome!](<a href=“http://www.pitt.edu/~natrooms/]The”>http://www.pitt.edu/~natrooms/) Show her the Nationality Rooms for heavens sake. The Univ Pittsburgh has 26 classrooms that have been outfitted with gorgeous carvings, paintings, etc from the countries of origin/ancestry of their students. I don’t know of nay other university that has a comparable installation. As it is Pittsburgh there are a lot of classrooms representing East Eur. countries and there is a Russian room too. My D & I visited this school last summer, and we did the self guided tour of these rooms while there. They are extraordinarily beautiful and the photos do not do them justice. </p>
<p>If there is any US college that respects Slavic culture, hist etc, it is Pitt. That part of PA is full of descendants of Russian & other Eastern Europ. emigrants from the 19th & 20th centuries, who came to work in coal mines & then because there were so many, others kept coming. They are still coming today. </p>
<p>[|</a> Slavic Languages and Literatures | University of Pittsburgh](<a href=“http://www.slavic.pitt.edu/]|”>http://www.slavic.pitt.edu/) There is a Ukrainian Festival at the Univ on Oct 2. There is a Russian Film Symposium on May 2 -7 this year. In Oct they have a Russian documentary film festival. They have a Pitt-Moscow program. </p>
<p>[GlobalPittsburgh.org:</a> Russian](<a href=“http://www.globalpittsburgh.org/communities/index.jsp?pageId=0690200091781090187613759]GlobalPittsburgh.org:”>http://www.globalpittsburgh.org/communities/index.jsp?pageId=0690200091781090187613759) The Pittsburgh area is full of Russians. You can eat Russian food, go to Russian churches, buy a house through a Russian speaking RE agent, watch Russian language TV & listen to Russian language radio, in Pittsburgh.</p>
<p>[Carpatho-Rusyn</a> Society](<a href=“Carpatho-Rusyn Society - Home”>http://www.carpathorusynsociety.org/RadioPgm/)</p>
<p>[Holy</a> Assumption of St. Mary Orthodox Church - Home](<a href=“http://stmaryorthodoxchurch.net/]Holy”>http://stmaryorthodoxchurch.net/)
[American</a> Carpatho-Russian Orthodox Diocese in the USA | ACROD.org Home](<a href=“http://www.acrod.org/]American”>http://www.acrod.org/) Also there are St Michael’s, St Nicholas’, & St Gregory’s Russian Orthodox churches in Pittsburgh. </p>
<p>And if you are Jewish:
[Tribute?Russian</a> Theater of Pittsburgh @ JCC The Jewish Community Center of Greater Pittsburgh](<a href=“http://www.jccpgh.org/news/single/February%202011/127]Tribute?Russian”>http://www.jccpgh.org/news/single/February%202011/127) The JCC of Pittsburgh has many offerings for emigrants.
Temple Beth Shalom in Squirrel Hill has a New Americans Club. </p>
<p>Your Mom might visit Pittsburgh and find it so Russian-friendly she will decide to move there!</p>
<p>Your Mom has several issues, really. As a Russian emigrant she is afraid you will become a slothful American youth & disregard your studies if you get out of her sight. My D has a classmate whose Russian emigre parents are incredibly down-putting of the other students and they also are very hard on her (“lazy, poor grades,” etc etc is all she hears from them— she has just been accepted at several Ivies , MIT & Olin).</p>
<p>Then there is the Mom-losing-her-baby separation that every one of us Moms feels. All the harder for her as she is in a new (for her) land. We all have to get over it, though. Does she think you will live with her for the rest of your life? (No, just down the block)</p>
<p>This is a very real concern—kids who move “away” for college often stay “away” when they get their jobs. See what you can do about reassuring her that you will try to find jobs in the Philly area, when the time comes. Or moving her to wherever you live. By the time you are actually getting those jobs,maybe she will have relaxed a little & realized Pittsburgh is not that far after all. </p>
<p>You have until Apr 30 to get this resolved. I hope you can find someone to convince her to relax a little. Pitt is really not that far! What if Caltech had taken you? </p>
<p>Btw, you can rent a minivan & drive it to Pitt with your stuff, in Sept. Would cost less than shipping. Or buy things there.</p>
<p>The best undergraduate experience comes from accepting the campus community as an extended family. When you were growing up in your family, would your mother have wanted you to live across town and only commute to her home for meals and scheduled meetings? Would the family dynamics have been different had you done that? Would the influence of family life have been as profound for you? The same dynamic applies to college life. Living off-campus and commuting during your freshman year is a terrible idea. And I think it’s a poor plan after the first year as well. My wife and I ruled out any colleges for our kids that couldn’t guarantee on-campus housing for four years.</p>
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<p>Maybe we could arrange one of the flash mobs to convince her. </p>
<p>I think that the other posters make great suggestions about the international rooms in the Cathedral. Pitt also has a solid Russian program–perhaps you could promise to study the language and culture. Does Drexel have Russian? Just did a quick search and it doesn’t look as though Russian is offered. Problem solved.</p>
<p>^ Brilliant. How could she say no?</p>
<p>one other idea … find out the best route to head to the Pitt campus so that she gets a very favorable impression of the area … Drexel is not in the best section of Philly so that route can be rigged also … maybe you can help her see Pitt (even with those dreaded dorms) as a safer place for you.</p>
<p>So many creative and resourceful posts on this thread! Your CC pit crew is watching out for you on your journey.</p>
<p>Drexel offers Russian, but in a “self instructional” format with tapes and an instructor. Exams are primarily oral.</p>
<p>Sounds like there is “some” Russian available for the motivated, but not to the extent that Pittsburgh has in cultural events, as JRZMom posted.</p>