<p>CC Parents, I need some help to get through to my mom. I’m going to be a college freshman next year majoring in mechanical engineering. So far I’ve gotten into Drexel, and a PSU branch, and I’m still waiting on Pitt, VATech, Temple and UCF. My top choice by far is Pitt, they have a great program, are relatively cheap, and it would provide an opportunity for me to expand my horizons, and move out of the Philly suburbs, and enjoy my life for a bit.</p>
<p>My mom, who happens to be a very overprotective woman, has other plans. My mom wants me to commute to Drexel, and pat more than I would pay for Pitt while doing that. Drexel isn’t my top choice, and honestly I’m not really feeling the college, additionally I don’t want to commute. My mom’s reasoning for paying nearly $10k more for Drexel than Pitt is that she doesn’t want to deal with driving back and forth between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. My mom believes I’m going to Pitt solely to get away from my family, while partially true, I also want to get the college experience, and become independent. I’m being put through guilt trips, etc! </p>
<p>I need help, how do I get through to my mom?</p>
<p>Wannamaker, one of Pitt’s top basketball players is from Philly and they were having the discussion during tonight’s game that his mom wanted him away from Philly.</p>
<p>Tell your mom that you will fly home–if you ever come home. My DD just wants to stay in Pittsburgh.</p>
<p>Part of the whole college experience is moving away from home and gradually learning to be on your own. You will never form bonds with other students if you are a commuter. When other students get together to study and for social events, you will be left out. By going to Pitt and living in dorms, you will learn to deal with different situations, and how to be more independent. One of the most valuable things I gained from college the was the general maturing experience: learning how to live away from my parents, gain independence, get along with different types of people, and manage money.</p>
<p>I feel for you IphoneH. I also understand that your mom is feeling overwhelmed at the thought of you leaving, and may be using the logistics of moving you that distance as an excuse. </p>
<p>If you approach her in an adult-like manner, with practical solutions to the problems, she may eventually bend. Such solutions could include: </p>
<p>“Mom, I will pack up my things myself, in UPS approved boxes, and ship them to Pitt. I will travel by air or bus to Pitt myself, you do not have to take me. (She will shudder in horror at the thought of not seeing you in your new dorm room and meeting your roommates.) With the money we save, I can come home at Thanksgiving and Christmas.”</p>
<p>Your mom is grasping on to the last apron strings. Show her you love her, but need to have this independent experience. Do it in a calm, loving, patient way. Repeat as necessary. If the conversations get too heated, write her letters. She needs to see and believe that you are mature enough to succeed so far away, and take care of yourself.</p>
<p>Just keep chipping away at it, she will absorb the idea even if she never loves it. Good luck! (And steel yourself to the guilt–you know you deserve this chance.)</p>
<p>One of the things that I want very, very much for my own children is for them to have that freshman “dorm” experience. Some of my life’s most memorable moments (good and bad!) occurred that year and I made many precious lifelong friends. Truly, it was a very important year for me. I’m curious to know if your mother went to college and lived in a dorm. Perhaps she doesn’t have a first-hand appreciation of the value of that “big” move toward independence. My own parents did not go to college, and they wanted me to go to the closest college and commute. I think that, in part, they were in big-time denial that I was growing up. </p>
<p>Clearly, your mom is having a hard time letting go. Gently reassure her that “you’ll be back.” Perhaps a calm and frank discussion about what you think is best for YOU is in order. (Starting the conversation with “I love you” will help!) :)</p>
<p>I honestly believe that you should print out this thread and give it to her. You make a well-phrased and concise argument towards what you think about the issue, and all of the comments also make good arguments toward your cause. I absolutely believe that this is YOUR college experience, not hers. You should make the final decision.</p>
<p>Mother of an classmate of our S was having such a hard time letting go that she agreed that her daughter could attend school out of state only if she (the mother) could visit every weekend - which she did faithfully for the first semester, and then decided that maybe once a month would be enough. Daughter is now in her second year and mom is visiting only once or twice a semester. </p>
<p>I’m not recommending this, but daughter was desperate enough to agree to this plan until her mom realized that daughter was in fact handling school well and mom had developed other things to do with her life.</p>
<p>Wow…I’d gladly save $10,000 a year if all I had to do was drive from Philly to Pittsburgh a couple times a year! (Not even that…take the kid once and let them fly home for break. Still cheaper.)</p>
<p>Have S your age. Totally understand your mom not wanting to drive that trip often. Looks like Southwest Airlines cheapest fares between Philly and Pitt are around $160 and it would take a lot of those to get close to 10K. I have older D in college and ship her stuff Fedex Ground and never go get her. </p>
<p>Try to focus on the academics and the plan for your life. Hopefully, you will get in Pitt and maybe then you can stress what you like about the program, the school, etc.</p>
<p>I am a believer in the freshman-live-in-dorm experience. Really, nothing else like it.</p>
<p>Good idea to stress how much you love her. It is so hard to see a creature that you have tried to protect for so long go off toward the dangerous world. I found it helpful in my case to stress that very long Christmas break and plan something for that.</p>
<p>iPhoneH - I’m a mom. My d1 has just selected to attend college locally. She is definitely living on campus, even though we live just 10 minutes from the school. Why? Because for families that can swing it financially, there’s a whole lot of learning and growing up that happens in that residence hall. Yeah, there’s some unpleasant stuff that goes on there, too, but it’s still a great half-way house been your parents place and the first place of your own. </p>
<p>All I can say is that you must be a wonderful child because I have many days when I’m ready to pack d1’s things myself. </p>
<p>Ok, my advice isn’t to become nasty, but you do need to start getting your mom used to the idea that you’ll be going. Start with gentle reminders of all the benefits, now. If things get heated, stop and let her cool off. Bring it up again when she’s calmer. There are financial benefits to your choice. There are benefits to development as a person. Just liking the school/feeling more at home is a benefit to you. She’s got 6 months to get her head wrapped around the idea of you leaving.</p>
<p>We live in Bucks County, my D is at Pitt. I think moving in / out of the dorm would be a little tough to do via shipping, but obviously students do it at many schools every year.</p>
<p>Even if your mom has to drive to Pittsburgh for move-in / move-out, that’s only two trips per year. It’s not that hard of a drive – we usually do it in 5 1/2 hours (including a short 15-minute rest stop). Just get on the PA Turnpike and go west – there’s not a lot of navigation required.</p>
<p>As far as you getting home for breaks, etc., there are many options. We have never had to drive to Pittsburgh to bring D home. For Thanksgiving, Winter, and Spring Breaks Pitt runs what they call “buses home”. For $100 round trip, you get on a bus on campus and it takes you to K of P Mall or 30th Street Station. The bus is only for Pitt students. Or, you can fly Southwest. D’s roundtrip flight at Christmas cost only $108. There is also a regular Megabus route that goes from downtown Pittsburgh to 30th Street Station. D is coming home on Megabus next week, $59 round trip.</p>
<p>iPhone: Is your father in the picture? Or is there another adult that you could go to who might be able to help you convince your mother of the benefits of going away to a school YOU want? I agree with other posters that she needs to know you love her and really appreciate all she has done for you over your life. Also stress that you are still her kid and will always be a part of her life.</p>
<p>Pitt runs regular inexpensive buses to Philly during school breaks. Also, Megabucks makes it cheap to make that run. You don’t have to fly. Also my brother’s niece who is there has had no problems in getting rides from Pitt to her home near Philly. </p>
<p>But first you need to get into Pitt. When you do, lay out all of the facts in an organized way and have a sit down with your mom.</p>
<p>As a mom of 4 college grads, I have a lot of practice in letting go. 3 of 4 left town to attend college. You wouldn’t believe how bizarre it is for moms that first semester you are gone. I had the feeling that I had dropped off my child and forgot to pick them up! That lasted one semester. Now my grown kids and I laugh at some of the transitional moments we experienced. Be sure to make the college decision that works best for you. There will be some tough times ahead and it is important to reflect back that you made the choice you did and to make it work no matter what. If it is your parents’ choice, you will not be as motivated to succeed. Give your mom a bit of breathing room. She will change a lot as you mature. Some of the most maturation takes place in the first 2 years of college. Be patient, make good decisions, laugh! She will catch up with you.</p>
<p>Yes. My mom thinks that living on campus is nothing but partying. To her there is nothing positive about living on campus. My parents immigrated to the US from Russia back in 1994, thus they never had the college experience.</p>
<p>Regarding the housing part of the Mom equation: </p>
<p>—Perhaps your Mom would be more agreeable to the idea of you living on campus if you agreed to request one of the special themed freshman living community options.</p>
<p>Regarding the travel to and from campus during academic breaks:</p>
<p>—If you can show her that you can arrange transportation to and from Pitt. so she won’t have to drive you there and back during breaks, she may be more open to the idea of you living on campus. Explain to her that she will be responsible for dropping you off at the beginning of the year and picking you up at the end of the year and you will be responsible for arranging all other transportation to and from the school.</p>
<p>Regarding cost:</p>
<p>—Clearly outline the savings of the total costs of attending Pitt (including housing).</p>
<p>A little update on my situation. I got financial aid packages from both Pitt and Drexel. Drexel would cost $11k, not factoring in cost of commuting, car insurance, etc, Pitt would cost $11k with room and board, everything.</p>
<p>I have my heart set on Pitt, yet my mom refuses to budge to the idea of me moving away, she can’t let go! But thats not the worst, the worst is the guilt trips that my parents and grandparents put me through about moving away, I hate guilt trips! </p>
<p>I’m unsure of how to get through to my mom, paying more to commute and go to a worse school makes no sense to me. What do I do?</p>