How do I keep (close) friends while maintaining top grades?

College Life
1

<p>Although I have very high academic standards for myself, I am not the type of natural genius who can get perfect grades with bare minimal studying. </p>

<p>I met a lot of friends during the first few weeks of boarding school. In the first half of the first semester, I was very social and hung out with friends a lot. I sacrificed study time to hang out with them because I didn’t want to miss out on bonding time while cliques/groups were beginning to solidify. One of the girls that I hung out a lot with is one of the natural geniuses I mentioned earlier. She pretty much has a photographic memory and doesn’t require a lot of studying at all to achieve what I must study SUPER HARD to achieve. We spent a lot of time together. However, for one of our midterms (one of the harder classes we took), I got my first C (plus) ever, while she got an A minus. We both didn’t study that much because we had “derped” too much together. Yet she got the grade that we BOTH wanted/needed. That was my wake-up call. I began to resent her (which was wrong of me because I know it’s not HER fault I’m not a genius like her). </p>

<p>Grades are obviously way more important than social life/friends (especially in the last two years of high school), so I decided to do everything in my power to make sure I didn’t mess up anymore and get the As that I needed. I began to distance myself from basically all of my friends (I had maybe two study buddies, but we only hung out to motivate each other to study). For the hard class that I got a C in, I needed a 95 on the final exam to make an A average (which I accomplished, but only because I studied until I practically died). </p>

<p>But now it’s senior year, and I’ve realized that I basically have no close friends. I’m still <em>kind of</em> friends with everyone I clicked with in the beginning of school, but I’m not in any clique/group that solidified while I was too busy studying. I’m okay with this, because it’s only high school, I got what I wanted out of it (which was a stepping-stone to a good college), and I don’t plan on keeping in touch with most of these people anyway. </p>

<p>But I’m scared that this will happen in college. I definitely want to maintain the same academic standards that I had in high school, but I also want to make <em>real</em>, potentially life-long friends. I have no trouble MAKING friends. But it’s keeping friends that I’m scared about. Throughout these two years of being at this school, I almost feel numbed and like I’ve lost all ability to socialize (because that was nowhere on my list of priorities for two years). Especially in the beginning, I feel like I’ll WANT to hang out more with people so that we can get to know each other and become a “group” that we can lean on when we need someone to talk to or hang out with. But at the same time, I’m the type of student who always has to stay on top of things and can’t stand falling behind in classes.</p>

<p>I feel like this is a problem that a lot of students probably have (a girl here talks to me about it a lot, too). How do you keep close friends while maintaining good (4.0-ish) grades? Or is it impossible unless you’re some type of a genius who doesn’t need to study? (There are so many people like that here.) Any advice in general?</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>Time management. No one actually studies all of the time or hangs out with friends all of the time. Make a schedule and stick to it. Figure out where you have free time and use it appropriately. Do your schoolwork/study during the day before, after, or in between classes, which will give you time to spend with friends at night. Or you could get everything done during the weekdays so that you can go out on weekends. If you know there’s a trip you want to go on or some big event or party, make sure you get your work done beforehand. During midterms or finals, you may have to spend more time on your schoolwork but so will most other students. Study with friends, and then go out for something to eat afterwards so you have a balance between school and spending time with friends. In college, you are the master of your own schedule, so figure out something that works for you.</p>

<p>Also, use your study time effectively. Don’t just sit around and waste time. If you know you have other things you want to do, then you have to buckle down and do the work. If you don’t get the work done, then you don’t get to go out–life’s tough; you’ll get over it. Try to make it goal-oriented rather than time-oriented. Break down larger projects into smaller discreet chunks. Instead of saying “study history for an hour,” tell yourself to read two chapters and make flashcards or go through so many lectures/podcasts. And then stick to it. Whatever plan you make is fine as long as you actually follow through.</p>

<p>And stop comparing yourself to other students. Very, VERY few students are actually “geniuses.” You would be surprised how much students who “never study” actually do study. But regardless of what they’re doing, it doesn’t matter. Don’t get jealous, don’t get frustrated. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and everyone is better at different things. You’re clearly a bright student who’s willing to work hard, so figure out a system that will work for you. I was always someone who had a reputation for never studying, but I did–I just never complained about it or really talked about it. I was always free to hang out with friends or go out (if I didn’t have work) because I worked my studying around my friends. When you actually look at how much time you have in a day, you’d be surprised how much you can get done when you actually work smart. Some classes might be harder than others and require more time, and that’s okay. Other classes might be easier for you or require less work. Try to work efficiently, and not just harder. Figure out what you need to do to learn the material and do well, so that you’re not spinning your wheels doing something that’s not helpful. It will take trial and error but if you keep at it, then you’ll figure something out.</p>

<p>Lastly, don’t be disappointed if you get lower than a “4.0-ish.” Obviously, do your best, but don’t be constantly disappointed in yourself if you don’t do perfectly in college. Very, VERY few students do. It’s not impossible nor do do you have to be a genius to get one, but focusing so much on your GPA is really pointless when there are so many other much more important things you could be spending your time and energy on. And regardless, getting a 4.0 really won’t get you any brownie points, unless you’re trying to go to law school.</p>

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<p>In college you will have a lot less of your time committed than in high school–you won’t have as many hours of class every day, you won’t have mandated activity periods, etc.</p>

<p>So use all the time that is freed up wisely, and you will have time for fun as well as work.</p>

<p>Treat school like a 9-5 job. That means, from 9-5, do school. When you are not in class, find a place to study. Or lots of places to study. Preferably not back in your room–to easy to get lazy. Find good study spots in the library, coffee shops, student lounges, classrooms…Also, use non-class time to use any services available to you on campus–math or language tutoring, the writing center, etc.</p>

<p>Make plans to get back to your dorm in time to meet friends for dinner–you need socialization time too. If you have like-minded friends, go to the library after dinner with them 3 or 4 nights a week just for a couple of hours.</p>

<p>You will find that you are easily keeping up with the workload. The fact that you have used the weekday hours wisely will free up the fun time for you in the evenings, for intramural sports, or club meetings, or movie night, or whatever. These things are important too, so make time for them. And this way you won’t feel guilty or out of control when you have fun.</p>