I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. My freshman year of college is almost over and I have only one true friend. However, I can’t seem to make a group of friends or find a roommate for next year. I know I am a bit awkward but I just wish I had someone to talk too I have tried to go out and make friends but no one sticks. At this point, I don’t know what to do and I’m really lonely. In the end, I just want to know how can I make friends that stay and want me in their life?
I usually don’t chime in on discussions like this, but I did want to give you some perspective as an older person.
Freshman year is just that – it is the first year of what will be four years of a brief period in your life. I get that when you’re young, every year seems like forever and so very crucial, but in the bigger scheme of things, that’s just not the case.
I went to two colleges (three, if you count a summer visiting student program) during my undergraduate years and picked up exactly one “true” friend from each college. Same with graduate school – one genuine friend from when I was working on my master’s degree, and another from my doctoral program.
Nearly two decades later, I have five lifelong friends from the “schooling” period of my life. You accumulate friends throughout life (and you will no doubt lose some as well). It’s not necessary (or necessarily fulfilling) to pick up a LOT of friends at once, or to find a “group.” I know it may seem lonely at times, but believe me when I say that lots of people with flashy Instagrams, parties to go to, and who are constantly surrounded by people can be lonely, too. My husband was the polar opposite of me – he always had tons of friends ever since he was in elementary school, he was invited to every party on campus and was the popular, athletic, handsome guy, etc. Yet, whenever he needed someone, he had literally no one to turn to. During a particularly rough patch of his life – he’d lost his job – he was literally homeless for three weeks because none of his “friends” would help. We didn’t reconnect until way past our college years, but when I found out that’s how it was for him (and for many other beautiful/handsome, charismatic people who were constantly surrounded by “friends”), I was so surprised. Even at my loneliest, nerdiest moments, I always did have that ONE friend, and for that, I feel lucky (and so should you!).
What I’m trying to say is: it’s quality that counts, not quantity. So go have a fabulous time with your one friend, gain lots of memorable adventures, be the very best friend you can be to your friend, and I promise you, you will make plenty of real, genuine friends in time.
Thank you so much I really appreciate it. I don’t have many people to turn to about this considering I am a first generation college student, so this really helped. I appreciate that you commented even though you don’t do it often it really was a blessing that you did. <3
Have you joined any clubs or activities?
Hey 
Another poster that usually doesn’t post in these, but I want to also add some encouragement and perspective!
Deep friendships take lots of time. It usually isn’t a specific experience with someone or always being invited to things by people that create these friendships. It’s the hours and hours spent doing the mundane things, talking about anything. It’s the shared time, whether it be in a sport or other shared activity, watching TV, or discussing a shared interest. It’s not usually something you seek out, it just kinda happens.
My freshman year, I pretty much left in the same scenario as you.
Two years later, I’ve picked up three more in various ways, and a few that are inching closer. All of them came because I kept giving people a chance. For every one good friend you find, you’re probably going to invest hundreds of hours in other people who you won’t end up being that close with. That type of close friendship is rare, and it’s important to keep that in perspective.
One of my now closest friends also used to be one of those types of “I know everyone and go to all the parties” people. She never had the close friendships, but now the close friendships with myself and a few others are probably where they spend a good deal of their time, and as far as I know, they are much happier about it. I couldn’t agree more with the quality over quantity.
In high school, it’s easier in some ways because people share all that mundane time every week without having to schedule it. Lunch, gym, classes, school projects, studying, activities. In college, a big shift is that you have to actively make that time. So, if you have someone you think could possibly be a good friend, make the time and try it out! If it doesn’t work, oh well, it was statistically likely. If it’s a good experience, do it again! Soon enough, the connection will grow into someone you can sit around with and talk with easily or have a comfortable silence with.
Last thing: cherish your close friends, and make sure they know how much you value them. Not all the time or in a clingy way, but just express the appreciation. It goes a long way.
PS: This article gives some cool frameworks for how to look at friendships - No one will have all or even a majority of the “types” discussed, but think about how your friendships map into this framework over your life, and what you would want ideally
http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/12/10-types-odd-friendships-youre-probably-part.html
Be a friend. Listen to people and smile… Make sure you treat people right and with respect and it will come. Having one really good friend is a great start. Keep doing activities with acquaintances and let connections grow.
yes a lot im involved with 5 on campus organizations.
Thank you
Will do thanks for the help guys truly appreciate it!
Friends are hard to make in college. I’m in the same boat as you and I’m a sophomore second semester. My advice is to talk to people and find those that you click with, then stay in contact with them. I totally understand not having someone to room/live with and am currently facing that situation right now. Just know that one good friend is better than 60 bad ones. And that there are always people out there who are looking for new friends.
Thank you and I hope things go better for you.