Hello folks,
I will be starting a family soon and I wanted to ask parents/students on here if there are any strategies to raise a child who will excel in academics. I am soon to be a medical doctor and my wife is a licensed medical provider as well.
What makes the difference when raising children?
Thank you
This is a college forum. You are a LOT of years away from thinking about college for your kids. Full stop. There are careers that will be available in 18 years or more from now that aren’t even pipe dreams yet. You can’t plan this far ahead.
I would suggest you give your children lots of love, read to them, encourage play with friends, teach things like good manners and respect. Encourage your kids to ask questions. But most of all…let them be kids without any worry about them excelling in academics. Encourage them to do their personal best…and love them as they are.
Also, you might want to look for a site for new parents when the time comes.
Main thing for college is to live well below your presumed high income so that you can pay off your probably substantial medical school debt as quickly as possible and then have a substantial surplus of current income to build up your retirement savings and kids’ college funds before the kids go to college, and be able to use that surplus for kids’ college costs when they do go to college.
Also, living well below your presumed high income may help prevent your kids from getting used to an expensive lifestyle that could limit their choices later.
There are all sorts of things that you can do to help your kids, but most are things that you’d expect. Read to them, give them time outside to play, give them unstructured time, surround them with things that they have to do actively rather than passive entertainment, expose them to interesting things, help them to feel secure, etc. But, other than that, you will be raising the children that you have. Maybe they will be academically advanced, or maybe they will have learning challenges. Maybe their gifts will be in athletics or the arts. Ultimately you can give them building blocks and opportunities, but they will be their own people with abilities, priorities, and goals that their environment will help shape but ultimately will not be determined by their parents.
Also, while you want to educate them in a way that doesn’t needlessly narrow their opportunities at a young age, you can’t predict what your kid will want to do. One of my former students, who was good at academics, just achieved her dream of making a ballet company after finishing high school. Another is going to Vanderbilt. Others are going to the state flagship, other state schools, or their parent’s alma mater. Some are going to small schools to continue with their athletics while pursuing their degrees. Some are in vo-tech programs. All will be adults who are self-supporting and are contributing members of society.
Just don’t push your kids till they break. They will hate you and they’ll feel burned out. Their happiness and success in life should be your main concern. I’m not a parent though, but that’s just my two cents.
I hope you don’t mind, but I moved this to the parent cafe…it’s really not about college search and selection or admissions…it’s about child raising.
Three general themes we embraced.
Remind yourself often that you aren’t there to prevent your kids from failing, you are there to help them get back up when they fail.
You want them to gain resilience and independence by encouraging them to take risks and accepting that outcomes are never guaranteed but the odds of success improved by hard work.
Make sure they get used to laughing at themselves, don’t take themselves too seriously and find time to have fun (this is one best taught by example).
One more suggestion…
Get a dog. Kids notice that dogs place little to no value on worldly possessions. A dog’s entire state of happiness and world order is based on relationships with others.
Not a bad framework for becoming a good human.
My free advice (and worth at least twice what you paid for it), or at least what we did:
Teach your kids to be responsible.
Read to them from a young age. We read to our kids every night for a few years. Eventually they wanted to read themselves. I am pretty sure that they were both reading relatively well before they started first grade.
Have good genes. Luck is involved here. Having parents with graduate degrees including one doctorate might improve the odds. There are however no guarantees.
Don’t push them too hard.
Encourage them to find whatever path is right for them.
I agree with living well below your income. Teaching kids to be frugal is part of teaching them to be responsible. Also, it would most likely help you a lot if you manage to pay off your medical school debt before you need to pay university tuition. I will admit that some of the doctors I have known were paying off medical school debt well after their kids had graduated university and become responsible adults.
Personally I think that one of the best things that I ever did in my entire life was to take 6 Monday afternoons off in January and February when my kids were in elementary and middle school (probably a ten year period between the two kids) so that I could ski with my kids and their school’s ski club. I do not think that there are many elderly people who regret having spent time with their kids.
Being a parent will test you. It does to all parents. It is not about the child per se but how you are and about your ego and ow you are in partnership with your co-parent? Do you like yourself? How do you deal with stress, anger, impatience, conflict? How do you respond to the unknown? How do you judge yourself and others? How is your self care, your exercise and eating habits? ow do you use your phone and screen time? How do you listen and how do you pace yourself and your days? How do you accept responsibility, say sorry, empathize? Are you a reader? a puzzler? a creator? an explorer? a crafter?
Other posters above have touched and I agree:
Time in nature. Time to sit without programming and answers - being bored long enough to come up with fun on one’s own.
If the child is able to help you with simple household duties: empty dishwasher, pull out clothes from dryer, use a dustpan; helping around the house pays off.
There is so much to say - you will do your best - that is all you can do.
I am in a phase where I know what I should do - and that is to be the house plant in the corner of the room - with my teens. I should wait for them to come to me instead of inserting my advice or nagging directions…learning is every day… and having a village of parents/friends and family to talk with and support you in your parenting is huge… And lastly, defer judging other kids and parents. We never know the full story and everyone is going to be different.
Well first off… Start a 529 or similar for college account when they are born or now. Lol.
Everything above but yes love them and read to them. Every day /night read to them. There is a reason everyone is stating this.
Also, let them be who they are not your interpretation of who you think they should be. Love them for who they are.
Another “read to them” fan. I read to my kids as long as they would let me, and they did well on the SATs. (Bringing it back to college - not meaning to brag).
Or have a plan to help fund post high school education. In the Thumper family, we had zero dollars in college savings but also knew that one of our incomes could be dedicated to college costs…and that is what we did. On the advice of our financial planner, we fully funded our retirement accounts instead.
Another piece of free advice. Your title suggests getting into a “good school”…whatever that means to you. Please keep an open mind. You might have a kid who is very talented with more hands on things and would be a great electrician, or mechanic or plumber…or the like. If that is what brings them joy, please support that.
As the mother of 3 sons born in the middle of 3 different decades (mid 70s, mid 80s and mid 90s), all raised basically the same way with obvious love, structure, expectations - all 3 arrived at their successful selves through very different paths. Prayers from many, hard work when they were ready to apply it, and luck from the universe got them where they are they today - all happy and self supporting.
Do not raise a kid who can get into a good school. Raise a kid who is intellectually curious, kind and honorable. Then, if they succeed academically and in other pursuits, perhaps a selective college will then see who they are and the positive impact they make.
Too many people think college is the destination. It is not. It is only part of the journey toward a happy, productive, independent adulthood.
Do not center your child’s life on college. Help your child be their best self, and the colleges will respond.
Help your kid by giving them good habits. Teach them how to be kind and responsible. Expose them to lots of interests and encourage them to take risks. Travel with them, read to them, talk to them. Spend your time and not just your money on them. Understand their capabilities and encourage them to stretch and grow and be challenged. Help them understand what good citizenship, friendship and community are. Teach them to advocate for themselves, then let them advocate for themselves.
Oh, yes, and save your money. You’ll need it.
Let your kids fail. It teaches resilience. That is a very underrated skill, but it will serve them well in life. Start early … let little ones be frustrated, and talk about how to deal with frustration. Give them tools to deal with the inevitable disappointment in life, and walk them through putting those tools to use as the need arises.
Read a few articles about Sam Bankman Fried and then do the opposite. To raise a brilliant, intellectually gifted, financially successful kid who suffers no remorse for doing bad things…what a template for childrearing.
Mainly just concentrate on being a good parent. In a few years, look into the “Love and Logic” books. I wish I had found them sooner. Also I’d encourage as much outdoor activities as possible.
“I will be starting a family soon and I wanted to ask parents/students on here if there are any strategies to raise a child who will excel in academics. I am soon to be a medical doctor and my wife is a licensed medical provider as well.
What makes the difference when raising children?”
Change the ”I” will be starting a family soon. . . . to “WE” because it sounds like your wife is involved in someway.
Be aware that sometimes the mind is willing but the body may not be ready.
It may take several tries to get pregnant which, as you know, is normal.
No matter how perfect we expect our children to be, sometimes you don’t get perfection and that’s OK.
You work with who the stork brings.
I had one child with asthma which impacted his attendance at school and his attention.
I had another child with kidney reflux who needed to be monitored from ages 0 to 5.
I had one child with severely involved ear infections/otitis media. This impacted her ability to develop early language.
That’s the beauty of children. They’re all different and they all come with different needs, treasures, and talents. Your job, as parents, and your support team, is to help them bridge those needs, treasures, and talents by supporting and applauding their efforts.
All children want is to be loved and cared for, no matter what flavor of the month you receive.
Be willing to accept advice from your parents or elders in your community who have experience with children. Everyone on this website has told you to read to your children, OFTEN; that’s crucial and is based on good experiences/results.