<p>All you need is a place to have a party, & something to make it feel festive.</p>
<p>But first you need to establish a budget, just like you would for college.
You dont know what you can include until you know what your budget is.</p>
<p>The Dress: There are many very pretty dresses that aren’t super expensive. Also, some bridal shops have annual off-the-rack sales.</p>
<p>Number of guests: This is a biggie. This may mean “no kids” or “no distant relatives”. </p>
<p>Booze: Open bars can really jack up a budget. A champagne toast can be much cheaper. A couple of bottles of wine per table can also cut costs. </p>
<p>the Cake: There are some outrageously expensive wedding cakes. Shop around. there are some grocery stores that will make them for a couple hundred dollars.</p>
<p>the Flowers: See if someone does this out of their home. There are people who do this! You can do the whole thing for much less this way. </p>
<p>Food: It’s up to you whether it’s going to be formal sit-down Surf n Turf pricey dinner…or buffet lunch (much cheaper). </p>
<p>The invites: NO one cares about the pricey invites. Just pick something decent.</p>
<p>How much do you want to spend on the reception?</p>
<p>how many guests do you anticipate?</p>
<p>We had our reception at a historic house on the college campus. Sweeping views. Inexpensive. Everyone thought we were so fancy, but it was in the little touches. I splurged on the .invitations, but those were the days. When mine get married, I will probably make the cake. Have a wonderful recipe wedding cake makers use- and have done big ones before, with fondant, still have the big pans. Not hard.</p>
<p>Years ago, looking for a party dress, D1 tried on a beautiful white evening gown in a simple style. She looked so great that we both agreed that sort of thing would be the way to go, when the time came. I really don’t get the gals who need to spend gobs on a dress that gets boxed and stored.</p>
<p>What’s important is the meaning. </p>
<p>D told me she was wearing a Calvin Klein sundress when I asked her in order to have an idea of what I should wear.
But that doesn’t really tell me much, Im assuming simple & classic.
But whether she bought it at Costco or on 5th avenue, I dont know.
I dont want to be overdressed, but I guess thats better than underdressed.</p>
<p>I’ve been to weddings where all we were served was cake and punch. We drove or flew an entire day to attend. It’s more important to have the people who are important to the bride and groom. </p>
<p>I work for a small foundation that owns a historic barn that we rent out for weddings. I have seen weddings that cost tens of thousands of dollars, including one where just the florist’s bill was over $25,000. I have also seen wedding done for under $5000. While they all have their charm, I have found over the years that the lower cost weddings are my favorite. One really stood out for me – a young couple who were both just back from the Peace Corp. Their flowers were wild flowers cut out of the road ditches that morning, put in glass canning jars tied with raffia. Plain white table clothes sprinkled with gold glitter. Music was a piano and three guitars all played by friends. Their buffet was eight kinds of cold salads all made by family. The cake was homemade as well. Wine until it ran out. It was beautiful happy day.</p>
<p>^ I went to one where the bride and her aunt made their own lasagna and salads. It was a happy wedding- and the marriage has lasted 35 years. “Princess” is a state of mind. You could throw a cocktail hour and share love. </p>
<p>Well, my Grandfather offered my Dad the money for the party in a savings account if they would elope… Not sure how that would go over with your daughter, of course…</p>
<p>I don’t know what to say except that when I got married I went to Yosemite and got married outside (with a backup venue in the chapel if it rained – it didn’t). That restricted what I COULD do, but the brunch buffet I chose at the Ahwahnee was elegant and cheap, relatively, and they had lists of florists who worked there and everything except the photographer was actually very reasonable. Out of the box locations can be cheaper than you would think, if they have essentially done all the legwork for you. (Only certain venders were allowed to use the kitchens and it being a Park, I suspect they had to keep things reasonable.</p>
<p>Obviously, I don’t expect a National Park is a possible venue for everyone.</p>
<p>My wedding is in 3 months. You can really cut all over the place, but it depends on your priorities. You can spend a few hundred dollars, to a few thousand, to tens of thousands or more depending on what you want. It helps to have a clear vision of what you want in terms of size, level of formality, how traditional, etc when you start so you can budget and operate accordingly.</p>
<p>The biggest way to cut is to keep the guest list limited, and also choosing the right time of year when things are cheaper in your area. The popular times of year will be more expensive. Giving yourself a lot of time and booking things early helps so your options are open and you have time to bargain hunt, vendors book early. 10 months out we had trouble with a photographer, the best affordable ones that I could find were already taken. For everything else we had no trouble (for a spring wedding, popular time of year), but by six months we started to encounter competition for vendors. Competition is the steepest for the quality-yet-inexpensive vendors, as you might imagine they are in HIGH demand and they book first. So if you want the cheapest and best, you need to book early. </p>
<p>You can save a lot on flowers if it’s not something she cares about. I cared about flowers, but we had to save, and I was able to save a lot by having a small wedding party and by making my centerpieces mainly candles. We are doing pretty limited decor-- what we are doing is floral which isn’t the cheapest option, but it’s only a couple of arrangements and everything is being used in both the ceremony room and at the reception. You can save even more than I did by doing some things yourself, my friend getting married is getting her flowers at costco and is spending like a quarter of what I am. My mom is paying a premium to not have to do anything ourselves, she has forbidden me to plan anything DIY-- I think a mistake if you want to save, but everybody has their own priorities. Be careful with DIY, though, because it can easily become even more expensive if you have to buy all kinds of materials. You can’t get too caught up driving all over hells half acre shopping for materials for DIY projects and expect to save money. I also couldn’t take the stress. We’re not even doing favors. Nobody cares.</p>
<p>We ended up splurging a bit on the venue and the food because that was what we cared about most. My wedding is more expensive than it has to be because we wanted it to be my family’s “traditional” wedding which is formal, if that is not a priority keeping it casual will help you cut costs dramatically-- casual and beautifully simple will be most inexpensive. We’re having to get creative about the rest. The biggest mistake my parents made was that they refused to set a budget from the outset, and we overcommitted to the first vendors we booked and were almost out of money by the time we got to the last vendors. I knew that was going to happen, but nobody listens to me.</p>
<p>We got married on campus where dh was a grad student and the cost was very low for the walled in garden. (Inside room was available if the weather had been bad.) Your major cost is food for people. If you want a crowd, you’ll need to have a different menu - there’s no rule you have to have a big sit down dinner. You can have tea and cake and sandwiches, or an after dinner dance with finger food and cake. </p>
<p>@kef318</p>
<p>If you still want a glamorous party, subscribe to the theme Broke & Fabulous. Consider having the wedding on a Friday or Sunday instead of Saturday, that alone will save you a small fortune. Try to find a venue that will allow you bring your own liquor (this was the case at our son’s wedding) We had to use the venue’s bartender at $25 an hour and hire a security guard, again $25 an hour, but the $200 that cost was FAR, FAR less than the open bar pricing of the venue. WE spent less than $1500 on the hourly rates plus all the drinks and that was for 150 guests. We also created three “signature drinks” and printed those on cards at every table. This helped us calculate the liquor needed (based on the premise that people would order a specialty drink). As a fun touch we bought respectable by not expensive red and white wine, a bottle on each table, but made custom labels from “Bosco Vineyards” (their dogs name) and on the back of each bottle a different story about a funny thing about their relationship, how they met, childhood stories, etc. We also got to keep everything that was left which left son and DIL a really nice stocked home bar.We kept all sodas and waters too. (We paid for the rehearsal dinner, photographer and liquor to help the bride’s family off set expenses) These personal touches make a big difference.</p>
<p>Favors can be silly, but a candy “bar” is a great way to do favors without them being a favor so to speak. Purchase large glass cookie jars and fill them with various candies and provide a theme appropriate container for guests to fill. It adds to “dessert” and becomes a favor, dual purpose is always good. </p>
<p>Another thing I think is worth mentioning is you have to stay away from the wedding shows and over the top magazines. They make it seem like you have to have everything. It is kind of like when you have a baby. All you really need is a crib, some basic clothes, a carseat, a boob or bottle and you will survive, and your child will even grow!! Sometimes keeping it simple is a welcomed approach in our over done world.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Sorry, I should have been more clear there. Only the venue rental fee – to use the church social hall for your reception – is tax deductible, because it’s made as a donation to that church. This does not apply to all the food, DJ’s, and objects you buy to use inside the church building.</p>
<p>Something else to save real money – encourage them towards premarital counseling, whether spiritual or psychological. This can put their wedding planning into a context of what they will value as a couple into the future. It’s nice that you’re already savng on the clergy fee, since groom’s Dad is a minister. In fairness he ought to recommend a colleague to counsel the couple, so she can speak freely. Your D should ask for that. JMHO.</p>
<p>As the mother of the groom who is paying for most of the wedding…three day weekend means that you can have the wedding and reception on Sunday. (rental fee for Saturday at the venue that we are using 8000…Sunday 3000. Fixed costs are photographer…flowers…number of people…the officient…Flowers are totally in your control…Cost of dress very controllable. Rehearsal dinner and day after brunch…again up to you. Liquor…you decide what and how much to offer…And depending on where you live you may have more choices with cost of the dinner. </p>
<p>Also, a personal recommendation: Watch Father of the Bride (with Steve Martin) and make sure that you have wine available at the ready…</p>
<p>The cost differential between lunch and dinner is really not great. In our case there was a 12 difference. The other costs photographer/flowers etc. are the same.</p>
<p>The big kiddo and her hubby decided to forego a mega feast with exorbitant food budget - they used the money to buy their house. She contacted a local college that had a culinary program. They catered the food - it was pretty good and cost a fraction of what a fancy caterer would charge. </p>
<p>S and DIL had a mostly DIY wedding and delegated lots of stuff to me. They had a civil ceremony in Aug. 2012 due to a work visa screw-up, and then had a celebration in Aug. 2013.</p>
<p>– My DH and S2 catered the food (100 guests). Fortunately (depends on one’s perspective) we had 16 friends/family staying at our house that week and they pitched in to help. Was a lot of fun. We did get a crew to serve the food and clean up.
– We got cupcakes from a baker who lives in a nearby town (away from DC mega $$ shops). Her price was half of what Bethesda/DC bakeries charged. We made fresh fruit cobbler and trifle for additional desserts.
– Went to local flower market at 6 am (where all the florists get their flowers) the day before the wedding and got flowers for tables, bouquets, boutonnieres and corsages for under $200. My sister, SIL and I made all the arrangements. Vases were mason jars. We cut ivy out of the yard to decorate the staircase where the ceremony was held. My sister brought 65 yards of tulle from a niece’s wedding the prior weekend and used it for S & DIL’s (and she will reuse it for her son’s wedding this summer!).
– We had an “agricultural work party” go out to pick fruits and veggies from local PYO farms.
– We had wine available (it was not a heavy-drinking party) and were able to purchase it ourselves.
– I made favors (lots of work, but they were gorgeous – steampunk tile coasters), bunting, chair signs, napkins (which I am turning into a quilt). I made menu cards and programs.
– Found a photographer who would shoot event for a reasonable fee, got CD with reprint rights and did not have albums included in the contract (though we could get them separately if we want).
– S & DIL found reasonably priced invitations online (minted.com) and set up a website for RSVPs. I did the calligraphy for the envelopes.
– I made DIL’s veil.
– I did photography for the civil ceremony and engagement shots.
– Went to a ribbon outlet in western MD and bought tons of ribbon for a tiny fraction of the retail cost.
– DIL went to David’s and got a simple dress on sale.
– No stag/hen parties, bridal showers, mandated shoes/hair/makeup, nails.
– Day-after brunch was at our house and was exceedingly informal.</p>
<p>We had VERY limited options for places where we could have the celebration – most places here require a licensed caterer. Also found in the process of pricing caterers that buffet was not cheaper (and in some places more expensive) than sit-down. DIL is British and does not tolerate heat at all, so an indoor venue w/ AC was necessary. As it turns out, it poured all day (in August), so the outdoor venue they had considered would have been a disaster.</p>
<p>We did not have a house or yard amenable to throwing the celebration or that might have been on the table. If they had done an outdoor celebration, it would have been a BBQ. We did go to the local BBQ place for the rehearsal dinner. </p>
<p>Their big splurge was a contra dance band, which was a huge success. (I had worried not enough people would do it, but that was not a problem!) The three biggest ticket items were the band, venue rental (public arts facility) and equipment rental (dishes, silverware, glassware, serving equipment) and those comprised 2/3 of their budget.</p>
<p>Depending on where you live, customs may be different. Prices will vary wildly. In our area, the buffet/sit-down dinner started at $100/pp, and that was pretty consistent whether it was at the Marriott, small restaurant or inn, and did not include bar, tips, sound system, etc.</p>
<p>It was a wonderful week with our friends and family spending time together. No disasters, no drama. It reflected who they are and what their priorities were.</p>
<p>We used my bridesmaids flowers as decorations at the head table. Small savings, but I was grateful for any savings.</p>
<p>D & her fiancé live out of state and I think most of their friends and family will be traveling at least a few hrs, if not all day.
I did notice that for venues, during the week is significantly cheaper than Saturday or even Friday.
Tell them it’s for a wedding & prices go up even more.</p>
<p>I think the recommendation of counseling is a good one. My D has a lot of baggage.
144 lbs to be exact.</p>
<p>Re-using your floral can make a huge difference. My florist suggested re-using all the bouquets as reception decor. We wanted a unity candle arrangement and two arrangements for these pillars my venue has by the altar, which will be used as a center piece at our sweetheart table (not interested in head table), and as a decoration for the place card table and gift tables. That was all the decor we had to do for the ceremony and reception apart from centerpieces. If anything needs sprucing up we can put the bridesmaid bouquets in vases and put them wherever needed, maybe by the cake table or something.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to price out ALL the options you’d consider, too. For example, just now I am planning a rehearsal dinner. I assumed I couldn’t afford to have it in a restaurant, but I priced it out and it’s actually less than half what I spent for my barbecue engagement party for about the same number of guests. Who knew! Apparently I’m an idiot at barbecues. It never hurts to look into something and see what it really costs. </p>
<p>We had friends do all the flowers and another friend brought orchids from the Big Island, another friend did the makeup. We wrapped our own favors–a pair of wrapped candies in netting with ribbons that had hearts on them. We had bud vases with a silk rose as centerpieces. Shopping around for venue and where you can bring your own alcohol can make a huge difference, as well as choosing a lower priced day for the wedding and reception. I bought my dress for under $200, including alterations. Bridesmaids dresses were from Penny’s. We had a DJ and H hired a friend as our photographer (he is a professional but gave H a discount). We drove family cars instead of renting a limo. The hotel where we had the reception gave us a complimentary room and safe for the night. </p>