There’s this girl I know at college and she found out I was going home this weekend and she invited herself to ride with me. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if it were someone else who actually asked instead of told me she was riding with me. Another reason I don’t want to is because my roommate has taken her home a couple times and has always had a bad experience. One time she told my roommate that her mom was gonna meet them but when they were about to get there the girl made my roommate drive all the way to her house which was very out of the way and my roommate didn’t know how to get home from there and the girl didn’t help her at all. Another time she invited herself and two other people and my roommate felt like she couldn’t say no so she took them. She said she would pay for my roommates food to pay her back for taking them but when they went to get food she acted like she never said that and didn’t pay for her food or anything. She can also be manipulative and I just don’t want to have to deal with that. I don’t want to be a mean person but everything I have heard sounds awful and I want nothing to do with it. I am also not good at standing my ground when it comes to things like this because I feel bad so any advice on how to handle this would be super helpful!!!
This sounds like one of the few situations where a small lie to her is probably best for everyone. Tell her there was a change of plans and you aren’t going home but somewhere else that is absolutely out of the way. She can’t expect you on campus and can’t tag along.
Or say you are going home at some point but stopping for half a day to visit a relative in another location first. You are not even sure what time you are leaving. Don’t explain further. Practice saying, “Sorry, I can’t.”
^^ “Sorry, I can’t” as simple as that is the answer. Make up an excuse if you wish but let her know sooner, rather than later, that you won’t be able to have her drive with you. Leave it at that or use one of the excuses suggested above Or that your family is meeting you in a location. Hold your ground.
When my daughter took her new car to her college, we printed out a list of rules that she had to sign.
Stuff like: no drinking, no driving after a certain time and other maintenance stuff.
At the very top of the list, we stated: “This car belongs to and is registered to Mom and Dad.
Any breaking of the rules means this car comes home.”
Her insurance actually had a limited mileage per year so that we told her that she needed to keep her mileage down.
When some girl down her hall tried to get my dd to drive her across the border. My DD said, “Nope, can’t risk it. My parents own this car and I have a contract with them.” (She had a copy in the car.) “I can’t break the contract and drive you, or I end up with no car.” The girl tried and tried by offering money, food, but my dd stood firm and said, “My parents trusted me and are letting me use their car; I aint gonna lose it because YOU need me to take you somewhere.”
Since you are not strong enough to say “no”, I would suggest that you tell this girl that you have a contract with your parents that does not permit you to drive in unknown areas.
Or, when she shows up, you say “I need money up front for gas: That’s $40 before I can even move.”
She’s gonna say, “I don’t have any money with me, I’ll pay you later.”
“Nope, no good, I charge for rides; you need to pay me now, since I’ve heard about you through my roommate. I worked hard for my money and I can’t afford to drive people that invite themselves.”
You don’t owe this girl anything! You don’t need to be nice; she’s not nice to you.
Don’t let this girl manipulate you. She’s cheap and doesn’t repay for favors because no one can stand up to her.
If you don’t, she will NEVER stop inviting herself.
Stand up to her; it doesn’t matter what people think or what crap she spreads. She has been doing this for a while and knows people aren’t going to say, “no”, that’s why she does it.
Believe me, I know since I went through this exact same thing when I was in college. That girl still owes me $300.
Be strong.
Or sneak away at 3am.
If she wants to go home so badly, every weekend, tell her to hire Uber.
Or say they won’t let you give a ride to anyone they don’t know, haven’t met personally, spoken with on the phone, or spoken to their parent(s). Pick whichever one you think would work best. Many parents have these kinds of rules for safety reasons. Some parents also worry about liability issues if you were to get in an accident while transporting other students.
So what happened??
Thank you all so much for your advice! Later that day she told me she couldn’t go home for some reason so I didn’t have to say anything! I really appreciate all of yalls advice and I will probably use it soon because she mentioned needing a ride next weekend haha.