Ended a very long 32 year friendship last year. I realized that I was not being my best self with her. Now, 10 months later, I can hardly believe the tension and unkindness between us. Yet, she would say how important I was and blah blah. In the end I finally admitted how ugly she treated others yet also was super generous. It was very confusing!
I miss some parts but overall I just keep thinking how relieved I feel!
Thanks everyone! I’m glad I got everyone’s perspective with toxic relationships.
Its helped me feel as if I am not the bad person when people talk about their experiences with similar issues. I have always felt guilty that I had it rough as a child, but that my adult life turned out okay and hers didn’t.
I’m going to dump and ignore the emails. I’ve already unfriended her on FB. Still feeling guilty, but I really don’t need this in my life right now.
You can just send her a card from time to time but DON’T let her post on your facebook page and don’t let her nag you or dump on you. You have nothing to feel guilty for–you’ve done your best to make a life you enjoy and she still has the option if she chooses.
There is always holiday cards for minimal contact.
There is no reason to feel guilty that you’ve done well in your life. The usual reaction is to be happy and proud. and to enjoy the results of your hard work 
Or is it just in compassion to this friend? If it’s just this friend, then again it’s a signal that it’s best to disengage.
In the end I finally admitted how ugly she treated others yet also was super generous. It was very confusing!"
That is a great point. One of the hardest parts about breaking a relationship, whether a friend or even more difficult, a family member, is that few people are comic book toxic ie everything they do is bad (okay, outside my mother in law, but that is another story). It makes it hard, because with a friend, for example, we remember acts of kindness, we remember when they had our back, stayed up with us when devastated by something,so it is hard, when someone is toxic our first instinct is to say “but look what they did for me”. With relatives, you cling to the good stuff (the emotionally abusive parent who also taught you many good things, gave you things, but also is toxic emotionally), it is how we are as people, and that becomes your defense. I can remember being in therapy, and talking about my not so affirming family, and we would bring up some nasty point, like my father’s anger and overreaction to minor things, and I would be saying “but he was a good person, he did X”. It is what makes it hard, because being social creatures, we want to maintain relationships and build some pretty elaborate scaffolding to do so.
I am glad, OP, that you did what you did. You don’t have to totally cut her off, you can send cards, or if you feel like it an e-mail eventually explaining why you cut it off (not for her sake, for yours, for closure, if it would make you feel better), and you can always keep a crack in the door, but you have to protect yourself, too.
I had a friend like this that I had to cut ties with ( way before social media was a means of communicating ) She got heavily involved with a controversial church and as a result , she became really judgmental and at the end of the day, pretty ugly as a human. It was her way ( the way of her church ONLY ) or no way.
Flash forward 20 years and she found me on FB , which was shocking since the last time I saw her ,she was forbidden to watch tv or lister to the radio
We had light contact for a few years…I met up with her on neutral territory for a cup of coffee. She seems to have mellowed out somewhat , but I would never feel entirely comfortable around her .
That being said, I have a sister who is rather toxic as a person. I hosted her for Thanksgiving a few years ago and have denied her requests to spend that time with my family ever since. She really has a thing about telling everyone else what they are doing wrong with their lives , but she has not one successful relationship in her life. Twice divorced , bitter woman with two daughters that moved far away ( they are not immune to her criticism either )
I have to agree with the other posters who advise you to cut ties. There is nothing in it for you if all she does is nag you to change what you are happy with in your life and family / marriage.
@auntbea So sorry to hear that you’ve been going thru this.
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' I know its her guilt that drives her,
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exactly…and you don’t need to be the target of how she works out her guilt feelings.
I’ve only cut off 2 friends. The worst was a long term friend. The friend ofm25’years had been cut off by everyone for a year before I is themsqme. As a therapist, I gave her every chance. I still bleed for the lost moments, the wonderful memories. I talk frequently with a local,friend,mwhomhad been her bestie, when I feel nostalgic.
Honestly,mother are only a few truly toxic relationionshipw we encounter through our lives. We gain nothing by continuing such relationships.
One of the advantages of getting older is to realize that we only have so much time on this earth, and to realize that we should spend that limited time with people who make us feel good.