How do I tell my parents..

<p>Sometimes a school is just not a good fit. I would not have any qualms at all if my kid wanted to transfer to another school as long as it wouldn't cost me more money. Talk with your parents ASAP. It'll be OK. Let us know how you make out. Good Luck.</p>


<p>I think you've laid out a perfectly logical explanation and tranfering to a lower cost school sounds reasonable to me.</p>

<p>I don't think you have anything to worry about discussing this with your parents.</p>

<p>As a parent, I would want to know ASAP and I would be happy to know the truth. This will give you more days to calmly discuss the issue and explore your options. I would hate the stress of learning of your idea with only a few days of vacation left and I would probably be annoyed that you wasted valuable time in telling me.</p>

<p>FWIW, both of my kids would prefer a large state university to a small LAC.. there's nothing wrong with that, nor is there anything wrong with saying that you made a mistake with your initial decision.</p>

<p>There's nothing wrong with transferring, particularly if you are unhappy at the expensive school you're at. But it would be worthwhile to make sure the same problems don't happen at the new school.</p>

<p>I'd suggest that you make the most of your expensive LAC's counseling department next semester while you're still there. It sounds to me like you're not having an easy time making friends, and that this has been a problem for you before. I worry that you'll transfer to the state college where your high school friends are, only to find that they have integrated into their school and developed a circle of friends that you won't be part of. A counselor might be able to help you with this.</p>

<p>Someone on another thread made a suggestion I'll repeat: try joining a campus service group like Habitat for Humanity. Such clubs love new members. Working together with others on a project is a good way for students who are not adept at making friends to make new social connections.</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

<p>I agree with Consolation, especially after reading that you've always had trouble relating to your peers. Is there a state school, or really any school save BYU these days without a dominant drinking culture? You haven't given this school much of a chance and going back to your comfort zone isn't going to help you start relating better to your peers.</p>

<p>You knew what your parents would be paying when you chose to attend and don't seem to have seen it as a big problem. Are you sure this is really about money and the drinking culture.</p>

<p>If I were your mom I'd want to see you finish out the year and really extend yourself in trying new things. There isn't a decent LAC in the Country where you can not find studious, intellectual peers.</p>

<p>I agree with Consolation and hmom5, but I'd put a different emphasis on things. For a student who has considerable difficulty making friends, it's not a matter of "toughing it out" or "going back to [his] comfort zone." He needs to learn new social skills, and professionals can help with that. The average person picks up social skills by watching and learning, but some of us don't. We need more explicit help.</p>

<p>I'm in favor of a student transferring if the school is not a good fit, but I don't think that's happening here, or at least I don't see how a state school would be a better fit. State schools don't have less of a drinking culture than LACs.</p>

I think this is a conversation he should be having with his parents, and they can come up with a plan between them</p>

<p>Absolutely, #theory.</p>

<p>While this may not be universally applicable, it has been my experience that the "drinking culture" depends upon the location of the school and whether other activities are available. Large or small, there is not all that much to do in an isolated location and I think students tend to drink more there. Maybe the OP would be happier in an environment with more off-campus activities to offer.</p>

<p>A possible benefit of a larger university might be that there are more types of people and more groups to join. If you have 20 or 30 thousand students, you certainly must be able to find some people with compatable interests.</p>

<p>But whatever your decision, I agree with #theorymom and others who have said that you definitely need to have this conversation with your parents, and the sooner the better.</p>

<p>My D broached this subject with me just before Thanksgiving, and to be frank, I had wondered why it had not come sooner. </p>

<p>While I am/was dissappointed, and think giving it more time than she had as of Thanksgiving would be best, I would LOVE the option of paying less for a state school. </p>

<p>Things being what they are, she continues to try to make it work, she has never had trouble making friends, has actually been enjoying herself more ( perhaps because there may have been less peer partying and more peers around in study groups for finals...and she got a part in a play after a few unsuccessful tryouts), AND it is too late to apply to our state school which is much easier to do as a Junior anyway. </p>

<p>So DO bring it up, but I can certainly understand it if your parents think it's worth the money to give you some more time to sort things out.</p>

<p>Hey confused,
It sounds like you may not have a great deal of trouble convincing your parents on this one... especially if you start the conversation with those three little words every parent longs to hear:
"You were right." :D</p>

<p>If I were you, I'd spend a few hours doing all the research on what it would take to transfer, then drop your parents a line saying you need their advice (as it sounds like you do). Then when you see them, lay it all out: Why your current school doesn't seem like a good buy, why you're not really happy with it, what you've found out about the transfer process (including any financial impact). Then listen, really listen, to what they have to say in response. They'll probably say something like, "Sweetie, why didn't you tell us this earlier? Of course you can transfer -- we never thought that school would be the best one for you in the first place. Now, how can we help?" Or they might encourage you to stick it out and give your dream school the full year before making any final decisions (which you might need to do anyway, depending on your state school's transfer requirements).</p>

<p>Either way, if they're like most parents, they'll probably be delighted that you opened up to them and they'll want to help you work through the situation toward something that helps you grow and makes you happy.</p>

<p>Why don't you try transferring to another top school whose culture is considered more 'intellectual'--look at places like Chicago and Swarthmore. I highly doubt you will find less of a 'drinking culture' at your state school. I feel like you are making excuses to go back to an atmosphere you feel comfortable in because you aren't putting yourself out there to meet new people. You describe how you have always felt isolated from people your age but you have done little to cure this. Try joining student groups that are much more tight-knit--like a sport, a theater group, an a capella group. These types of groups generally have much more cohesive members than other random groups. Go to a few parties and try to meet people--you don't have to drink if you don't want to. There are a lot of things you can do to get yourself out there that you haven't tried yet.</p>

<p>I would say try to stick it out until the end of the year. I just don't see you having much better of a time at your state school. Why would the honors students at the state school be so much different than the general student body at your top school? Put more effort into meeting people and you'll be much happier. If that doesn't work, go to a school known for its intellectual students, not your state school.</p>

<p>But that ^ wouldn't be cheaper....</p>

<p>OP's past posts indicated he did try to join clubs. OP, I think I would go with you intuition. I would transfer if you don't think the money is worth it. A lot of my daughter's friends did the same thing. They went to some top 30 colleges in the East Coast and said they did not think the money was worth it and went back home after freshman year. They are going to CC right now, waiting to transfer to a mid tier UC. It's not prestige they are looking for and it's not just money problem. Some did receive financial aid that actually made attending UC and private colleges the same price.</p>

<p>It seems like the OP just thinks the money isn't worth it at the school he is at, not that the cost is impossible to deal with. If the OP was at a school that costs the same but made him much happier, it seems like that would be the best option.</p>

<p>My big concern is that the OP will go back to his comfort zone not having succeeded in his first attempt at branching out and that it will limit or exclude any branching out in his future. Part of life if one is smart and ambitious, as I'm assuming the OP is, is toughing out these times and becoming unafraid of any future challenges.</p>

<p>There are many threads on CC that make me wonder what will happen over a lifetime if the easy route is taken now. This is one of them.</p>

<p>Also, while talking with parents is important, one's own parents don't often have the perspective to have the right insight which is why kids here reach out to the broader community.</p>

<p>Just a comment about judgements on less social people. There is nothing wrong with that. Not everybody is the life of the party. Maybe instead of trying to "fix" himiself by joining more social groups, the OP should accept himself and realize that it is perfectly ok to not embrace the partiers. He may be no more involved at state U but at least it would be cheaper, and if he is more comfortable with that, what's the harm?</p>

<p>As someone who graduated from a private U and two big state Us, an elite state U is better than 95% of the private colleges and unis in the USA. By better, I mean you get at least as good an education and for almost half the price. I'm talking Virginia, Michigan, Berkeley, UCLA, especially, but there are a handlful of others.</p>