How do I tell my roommate I'm gay?

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Ain't it. I just want to be openly gay, the same way everyone else is openly straight. I hate having to tread lightly in being so.

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<p>I agree with you dude. You've got every right to be open about your life as everyone else.</p>

<p>i don't think it's a good idea to act like it's irrelevant or try and be secretive about it. although i agree that it really shouldn't be a big deal, in college, i'd think that that would be one of the more important things you'd want to know about your roommate.</p>

<p>I've been wondering the same thing. When I filled out my roommate survey, I told the RAs and stuff but I really do hope it isnt an issue. And I agree that I shouldn't even have to go through this. It's not like on the first day my roommate is going to be like "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm straight. I hope that you don't have a problem with it."</p>

<p>Anyway, this is what I said in my questionnaire thing.</p>

<p>Is there anything else that the Student Coordinators, Your Advisors, or Your Future Roommates should know?</p>

<p>I am openly gay. I am not flamboyant and I find that behavior to be quite annoying. While most people cannot tell upon first meeting me, I feel that it is something that my roommate should be aware of incase he has an issue with it. I do not make my sexuality an issue unless someone politely asks me a question about it. I respect my roommate and I would never do anything inappropriate or that would make him feel uncomfortable.</p>

<p>I like your tone and attitude pyles.</p>

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<p>Word.</p>

<p>That is exactly what I would've wanted to add to my application. Unfortunately, my housing questionnaire had but 2 questions: Do you smoke? Are you interested in the Honors floor?</p>

<p>"Because if you wait then it becomes a lie and a big deal when maybe it wouldn't be a big deal to begin with."</p>

<p>This is pathetic. You don't hear straight people saying "listen, I want to let you know before we move in that I'm attracted to the opposite sex, I hope that will not affect us living together." </p>

<p>Don't tell him anything. Who you sleep with and who you are attracted to has nothing to do with you two living together. Will his heteroseuxality affect YOU? Why doesn't he feel compelled to tell you that he's straight? Being gay is part of who you are, period. Your roommate is going to college to meet different types of people and to hopefully learn to be open-minded and if he doesn't, that's his problem, he can move out as soon as he finds out but you don't have to be upfront about it with him bc it's unnecessary. Are you going to a Christian college? Unless you are, you don't have to check with him if he approves of your lifestyle.</p>

<p>"I am openly gay. I am not flamboyant and I find that behavior to be quite annoying." Self-hating, much? It's sad that you have to behave in a certain because that's what people expect of you. Even within the gay community, people hate on "flamboyant gays". I find gay people who are the most comfortable about their sexuality, the ones who have more balls than the ones who are so secretive in their mannerisms, who are for the most part insecure.</p>

<p>im afraid that despite the fact that it ought not be, you can't simply assume your roommate will be ok with you being gay just like you're ok with him being straight (if he is). homosexuality is indeed something out of the norm (doesn't make it bad) and is still something that many people are uncomfortable about. you owe your roommate the common courtesy to tell him of your sexual orientation. </p>

<p>that being said, don't assume that he will be hostile, as that's pretty rude, too. hell, there's a 1 in 10 chance he is gay, as well (ok, that's not quite accurate, but you get my point).</p>

<p>Until we start seeing colleges assigning rooms between men and women without complaint regularly, I think it's worth bringing up ahead of time.</p>

<p>I hate that this topic is even relevant. You shouldn't feel compelled to confess your sexuality. The "tell him now or it becomes a lie" idea is demeaning. This isn't something like swine flu, where living with you is dangerous to his health. You should be allowed to be who you are without having to explain and justify your lifestyle.</p>

<p>I too am gay. I do not like telling people until it somehow comes up. I am not ashamed of it in any way. I don't like that to be the first thing someone learns about me since I am much more than just my sexuality. Instead, I prefer to let it be known when it comes up naturally. You may or may not be friends with your roommate. Instead, you may merely share a living space. I consider my private life to be private, something I share only with friends. The more personal the information, the higher the friendship level is to share it. If I were you, I would wait until meeting in person. If a real friendship develops, then when it comes up naturally, share it. If you share it before, then you become just the gay guy instead of my friend Bill (or whatever your name is).</p>

<p>"Until we start seeing colleges assigning rooms between men and women without complaint regularly"</p>

<p>What does that have to do with two men rooming together? We aren't talking about a girl and a boy rooming together, we're talking about two adult males rooming with one another.</p>

<p>I think you should tell him, not for his sake, but for yours. If he has a big problem with it, you don't really want to room with him. Even if he's OK with it, you will also save yourself some hassles and misunderstandings that might arise from him assuming that you are straight.</p>

<p>Wahoomb I think you are being naive about this. It would be nice if it didn't matter, but for many people it does. As a gay person, I find that if I tell them immediately that I am gay it is not an issue, but when I wait and tell them later (months, years) when it happens to come up then it becomes this big deal. Not for me, but for them.<br>
I would love it if no one ever felt threatened or upset by my sexual preferences, however there are many people in this world who do. In a roommate situation where you are sharing a very small room if the other person is closed-minded or feels strongly against gay people and you do not tell them immediately you are setting yourself up for a big confrontation when it does come out. With the adjustment of living away from home and trying to make your way in college why add that to the mix?</p>

<p>wahoomb: I'm making a parallel between potentially-interacting partner groups.</p>

<p>But yeah, I do think that it's worth bringing up ahead of time. There's no downside to it no matter what happens. Either he's cool with it, or he isn't and you can find a new roommate. If he isn't cool with it, then at least you know that he definitely would not have been okay with it had you revealed your orientation down the line. </p>

<p>It's merely a matter of risk at the moment, so you may as well eliminate the uncertainty.</p>

<p>wahoomb, I'm not checking with my roommate to make sure he approves with me being gay. I don't need anyone's seal of approval. I do however understand that not everyone is mature and open-minded enough to deal with rooming with someone who is a little different from themselves. If he is close minded, I would prefer to know sooner than later. IMO, it's more about me than it is about him since generally those in the minority are discriminated against. </p>

<p>And about the flamboyant gay thing. I do find that to be annoying but I'm not going to talk about them for it or mistreat them. I'm gay but I'm still a man and therefore I act like myself, which is a man. If you want to act like a woman, then go ahead, it's no issue with me. I do not try to conform to what society tells me that I should be. I conform to what pyles_m tell me that I am. Everyone is different, I do not feel like I fit in the STEREOTYPICAL roles of being masculine or feminine, I'm just a normal guy who happens to be attracted to other guys. I am very proud of who I am and I'm not ashamed for it. My sexuality is my business but if people are curious to know, I have no problem telling them so.</p>

<p>"I'm gay but I'm still a man and therefore I act like myself, which is a man."</p>

<p>How are men supposed to behave exactly? Let's not get into the nuts and bolts of what is considered "manly" behavior as this largely depends on culture. </p>

<p>"I'm just a normal guy who happens to be attracted to other guys"</p>

<p>Again, what does normal exactly entail? </p>

<p>It seems that your little head is still filled with stereotypes. I hope you can get over them. </p>

<p>To the OP: Good luck.</p>

<p>Fiyero--Ditto, I agree 100% with your post.</p>

<p>Okay, I'm going to be honest with you here - I think you should tell him, and in the following manner.</p>

<p>First, meet together in person in your room come August. As you get settled in over a few days, wait until he's distracted with something, than put a note on his dresser:</p>

<p>It should be a bright pink decorative valentine reading "Happy Unofficial Valentine's Day, Roomie."</p>

<p>~Love, Me. </p>

<p>P.S. I'm Horny!</p>

<p>Accompany that with a smile, a wink, and a visible hard-on, and I think he'll get the message in quite an honest, and frankly flattering, way.</p>

<p>My plan is practically fail-safe.</p>

<p>I'm not saying that men should be behave in any particular way at all. I'm just saying that I act like myself. My motto is "just be yourself, and let me do the same." And when I say normal, I mean that I am just who I am. I'm an individual who is a little different from everyone else and that difference is what makes me normal. I am my own person as I have said. I'm not trying to conform to what any society thinks and I do want others to either.</p>

<p>eat bananas all the time.</p>

<p>After hanging out with hallmates on the first day ask your roommate "so what did you think of (insert name of insanely hot girl here)." He'll talk about how hot she is then ask you what you think. You then say, "eh, she's alright, but not really my type." He'll ask if you're gay and you tell him then. He'll feel so awkward about it he'll probably move out and you'll get a single.</p>

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It seems that your little head is still filled with stereotypes. I hope you can get over them.

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<p>lol, this coming from the person who said

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I find gay people who are the most comfortable about their sexuality, the ones who have more balls than the ones who are so secretive in their mannerisms, who are for the most part insecure.

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<p>Like all gay men have to be naturally flamboyant, and those who aren't outwardly so are being "secretive in their mannerisms." Especially when pyles_m's whole point was that he was NOT trying to conform to the "gay male" stereotype, but to be himself.</p>