How do I tell my roommate I'm gay?

<p>Hey CC,</p>

<p>So I'm starting college this Fall and my roommate assignment will be released this week. I want to be open about it, so how do I go about telling him?</p>

<p>Facebook's probably gonna be the form of communication.</p>

<p>cdover</p>

<p>p.s. On a side note, I've been put into the party dorm that houses the frats. Fan-freaking-tastic.</p>

<p>"I'm gay."</p>

<p>"Before we begin living together, I just wanted to tell you that I am gay and if you have a problem with it, then I would suggest you finding another roommate. If not, I would be glad to be roomies with you."</p>

<p>PS: Maybe this as well: "Also, just because I am gay doesn't mean that I will be attempting to have sex with you daily" :)</p>

<p>There's no way to avoid an awkward situation here. I'm pretty straight and I have a few gay friends, but I know that I'm in the minority when it comes to being accepting.</p>

<p>If you go to a college where the frats are housed in a dorm, there's probably nothing wrong with having the entire campus gay community over for a huge orgy and having your roommate stumble upon it. If I was your roommate I would immediately ask to move to another room, but if you still have your roommate then you know he's either also gay or really cool about it.</p>

<p>P.S. Don't actually try that</p>

<p>Being up front may be the best route if you feel it may be an issue. I'm pretty conservative, and I think if I had a gay roommate I'm not sure if I would switch rooms, but I'd def discuss it with them so that we don't have problems mid semester. Like I supported prop 8 and I'm sure if I did have a gay roommate that would likely cause a prety big conflict. I respect everyones right to their opinions and choices and would support their right to campaign for their beliefs, but not everyone would feel the same. </p>

<p>I'm not sure if talking about it over facebook would be best though as they may choose to swtich prior to even really meeting you. Who knows you may be the prefect roommates for each other. My next door neighbor this year was gay and he choose to ask me about my political choices since it was an election year as a feeler to what my response would be. Then he evenutally came out to me after I said that I was mostly a republican, but supported everyone to have their own opinions. You could use that sort of small talk, then talk in person when you meet in person.</p>

<p>Thanks guys for the advice. I think I'll be going along the lines of writing what teamfrangela wrote. Either that, or I was going to invite 60 of my closest gym/sauna buddies over on move-in night. (...joke).</p>

<p>


</p>

<p>:P</p>

<p>


</p>

<p>Thanks! I'm surprised that hadn't crossed my mind - waiting until after we've met to tell him.</p>

<p>Though, if I tell him on Facebook, and he were the type of person to want to opt out before meeting me, a switch would probably be in our best interests.</p>

<p>Hmm...Facebook or in person?</p>

<p>Dude I'd get quite mad if my roomie waited till move-in day to tell me. Full disclosure and honesty pleaaase.</p>

<p>Also OP how do you find life as a gay dude in Singapore. Lol. There's lots of furore about anti-gay thingys here. Did you do the pink protest thingy, recently?</p>

<p>EDIT: Maybe your roomie might find out by looking at the 5 pro-gay facebook groups you joined. Lol</p>

<p>Yeah waiting until move-in could **** your roommate off. I'd just try and put out as much feelers as possible on FB to see what the reaction may be. I'm very on the fence with my opinion as telling them over FB may make them switch prior to actually knowing you as a person. But at the same time if you tell them and they decide to switch there is a good chance they wouldn't have been the most supportive roommate to you. I think it may be best to just to up front and tell them after you talk a bit online. That way they'll have insight to you as person and will allow time for both of you to figure out alternative roommates if you don't agree.</p>

<p>^Omg, fiona_! lol! How do you know so much about me???</p>

<p>Indeed, being gay in Singapore sucks, and it's downright lonely. I haven't let it bother me <em>too</em> much, though, because I've always known I was going to leave, anyway.</p>

<p>And haha, no I didn't go to the pink protest thing. I was infuriated however that the local media totally ignored that it was a gathering against homophobia, instead, portraying it as some sort of campaign to promote promiscuity. Urgh.</p>

<p>It's sad that you even need to, I doubt he runs around introducing himself as straight -- but, of course there are people who are still ass backwards.</p>

<p>I would tell him prior to meeting. If he's fine with it, great. If not, then I'm sure that's not somebody you wanted to room with anyway and you did yourselves both a favor.</p>

<p>Thanks, Selk21. Indeed, I'm going to go along the lines of telling him online, but not letting it be the initial thing I say to him. Perhaps a conversation or two about, I don't know...sports (lol, what else do straight guys talk about??) and then I'll subtly slip it in somewhere.</p>

<p>[edit] Sorry, that last thing I said didn't come out quite right.</p>

<p>


</p>

<p>Ain't it. I just want to be openly gay, the same way everyone else is openly straight. I hate having to tread lightly in being so.</p>

<p>My brother found it helpful when he lived with gay roommates (one from childhood that he was best friends with who came out after HS) and a couple others that he met later for them to tell him "you're not my type."</p>

<p>Also, just be respectful when dating. I have had gay friends who were big into PDA (public displays of affection) and I would get super grossed out but it had nothing to do with them being gay, I just don't like seeing any two people get that intimate in the same room as me gay or straight. Not everything is about sexual orientation, sometimes it's just personal taste.</p>

<p>I honestly don't think you need to tell them. If it's an issue, they would bring it up at some point. It's not like it effects their well being or it's something that they need to know in case of an emergency (health conditions). I'm sure you will have some pre lim agreements, such as sexiling, and as long as you abide to the rules and are respectful, I don't think you need to say anything. 1, they'll probably figure it out, 2, a bad way to start off the year. Most people wouldn't care unless you are being intimate with someone while they are in the room. Basically, don't bring things up unless you need to.</p>

<p>honestly even if they know you are gay, it might jsut be better not to openly say it unless they ask...</p>

<p>just because if you say something they might get upset or what not.</p>

<p>Just like kids with parents, the parents don't tell them about sex until they ask.</p>

<p>You could try this...Ask your roomate to pray with you to Jesus about your same-sex attraction and to have God help you to overcome this dangerous lifestyle. You are worth it, bro.</p>

<p>I believe you must tell your roommate asap. It doesn't have to be the first thing you tell them, but it should be no later than move-in day. Because if you wait then it becomes a lie and a big deal when maybe it wouldn't be a big deal to begin with.</p>

<p>its only a big deal if you make it a big deal, dont tell them, being gay is a part of your life, its like telling someone before hand that your hair is brown. its stupid.</p>

<p>this thread is kinda trolly at this point in time.</p>

<p>@OP I facebook'ed you... We're both in the Singapore network. Plus Dover is an uncommon surname, lol, do people ever ask you why you're named after an MRT station? Dude I heard that some people who go to Brown get asked "why your university is a colour one?"</p>