<p>I’m about a year away from graduating, so thought it might be useful to polish this last remaining barrier in soft skills - networking at large receptions.</p>
<p>I have a strong handle on every part of the soft skills repertoire - comfortable speaking in public and in large crowds, unafraid of cold-calling people or presenting to them during meetings, approaching individuals who are by themselves during networking receptions, or smaller groups. What I do have immense trouble with… perhaps because I began college as an introvert, and I have to practice how to be spontaneous initially, is with trying to break into a larger circle 4+ (huddle) individuals, many of whom are already familiar with each other, even if I am acquainted with one individual in the group during a networking reception.</p>
<p>I thought it might be helpful to get some pointers from those who have been doing it for several years. What sort of “ice breaker” do you use, and how do you handle interrupting the entire group’s conversation as you enter the circle, since you’ll obviously catch their attention in intercepting that one acquaintance?</p>
<p>There are a million ways to do it, the best way depends on the specific timing of your “interruption”. And I used “interruption” in quotes, because it’s not really an “interruption” unless the huddle is learning a procedure or receiving some kind instruction. Unlikely at a reception. They’re just yakking away.</p>
<p>One way is to catch an ear of what they’re talking about. If it interests you (and I’m assuming it does, else you wouldn’t want to join the huddle), is to wait for a short pause, and then say “I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about the rising cost of tuition. I’m returning to my third year at State U, and they recently revoked my scholarship.”…or whatever. The point is, show interest in the subject, don’t change the subject, give a quick anecdote, and then join the huddle without monopolizing the conversation.</p>
<p>Another way, if you already know someone in the huddle, is to subtly put your hand on your friend’s shoulder, quietly say “Judy, nice to see you”, and give eye contact, a smile, and a nod to others in the huddle. They will naturally carry on, and likely soon thereafter will exchange introductions.</p>
<p>There are many ways to do this, and like everything else, it takes practice.</p>
<p>I read of one hint that made a lot of sense. Come to the party early, when there aren’t already scads of people deep into conversation. You can find people either alone or in a much smaller group. Great conversation starter: “Looks like we’re one of the early birds…” and then introduce yourself. Talk a while and then move on.</p>
<p>The author says that 88% of us think that we are shy. That means that you won’t be alone at the reception in feeling uncomfortable. Try to make others feel comfortable. YOu’ll be surprised at how you forget about your own discomfort.</p>
<p>My own way is I look around the room for a large bundle. I walk up and “lurk” near the periphery for a moment, listening. At some point, someone might turn to me with a look, or introduce themselves, and then I’m in. If not, I break in with a remark that fits with the conversation, and then I’ll introduce myself at a natural break in the conversation.</p>
<p>The other thing that is working for me is a way to remember names. I am horrible with names. But the tactic is that when the person gives you their name, you immediately associate them with someone. It doesn’t have to be someone you know. It doesn’t have to be someone they resemble. If the guy is Brad, go with Brad Pitt. When you see that guy, Brad will come immediately to mind. Monica will be Monica Lewinsky. Kevin will be Kevin Bacon. The more outlandish the connection, the easier it will be to remember.</p>
<p>I’m terrible at this - it’s my least-favorite activity in the world. Small groups are fine, people I know are fine, but get-acquainted chatter with strangers is torture, and I’m married to a woman who insists on staying at the reception as long as there’s one or more people still in the room. It’s probably why I like coming to CC - I can easily do in cyberspace what makes me feel the most awkward in face-to-face interactions. But it’s never before occurred to me that there might be “instruction manuals” in “How to Work a Room.” I’m going to spend some time studying LMNOP’s link.</p>
<p>Because I don’t feel competent in working a room, I’m typically more focused on my own performance when someone tells me their name, which means that 10 seconds later I can’t recall the name I just heard. Thanks for the tip, Cindysphinx, I’;m going to try the name association technique.</p>
<p>Stand on the fringes for a while to make sure that the group isn’t talking about something very personal or technical (such as making sure its not a group of people who work together who’re talking about some work-related problem). After listening for a while, join in and make a comment.</p>
<p>Cindysphynx: have you seen The Office epsiode with Michael Scott’s method of remembering names? Similar to yours, but I’m sure yours is much, much more PC!</p>
Stand nearby with an open, pleasant look on your face, like you’re having a good time just taking everything in. While doing that, listen intently and try to find some interesting point, then join in/ask something. I actually learned that one from watching my younger son join a bunch of strangers in a big pool. He just managed to “work the pool” and join the group by having this friendly, amused smile on his face. Also, when they laughed at something, he joined in, too, as if he belonged, so he seemed attentive, not nosy. </p>
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<li>Join Toastmasters. It really helps people develop poise in many different kinds of social situations. It seems corny, but really, many of the people who join it are very cool, and everyone tends to be very positive and kind.</li>
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<p>Sounds like this lady is hired by companies to put on seminars for its employees. As you can imagine, companies have a vested interest in its salesmen and managers being able to make contacts.</p>
<p>As with most things in life, we learn them by either hit and miss or a mentor shows us the ropes. It would useful to have an alternate way of learning the info and practicing in a controlled environment.</p>