<p>Thanks mhmm - your comments are insightful.</p>
<p>I feel like I’m to the age where taking away the material goods just seems a little childish. My parents now discipline me, although not very often, with the guilt. Saying they are disappointed gets me going more then anything.</p>
<p>True hockeykid…taking away texting was done more to be helpful than anything else. My son has quite a temper, so I usually wait for a quiet time and just chat with him about things. He is stubborn and does not like to let me know he agrees with me, but his actions generally show that he gets what it is I am saying to him. He wants to make us proud and it does upset him to know if he has disappointed us.</p>
<p>One of the things you are overlooking is having her want to be at school instead of at home. You only have so many years left. If she has freedoms that you have allowed her going away to BS, can you take them away at home? I don’t think so. </p>
<p>At this point in life, you should have instilled in them what values you deem important. Everyone makes mistakes. My d did something at school that I would not have let her do, but “she needed to do it”. It involved lying to me. We had long talk as to why she needed to do so and if she really “needed to do it”, she should have spent time talking to me. If your d lies to you, it is really partly your fault that she is unable to tell you truth.</p>
<p>That being said, we did have some mutually acceptable punishment. She lost her AmEx card. Her allowance was curtailed for awhile. And we arranged for more study hall at school (win, win as grades went up too).</p>
<p>good luck</p>
<p>ps hockeykid. You are correct. My telling her I was disappointed may have been the worst punishment for her</p>
<p>I think what Hockeykid put so well is that our kids have become “adults” - perhaps sooner than we would have wished. Doing “child” punishment does not work and causes resentment and further reaction. How would you “punish” a colleague at work? Primarily by saying you are disappointed in them. You might hold back a “bonus” which can have similar modes for a kid.</p>