I almost put this in the Say It Here thread but thought perhaps others would like to commiserate.
The past few weeks, I have noticed several times that I’ve dropped the ball – can’t find my mail key, left the house without my phone and had to go back. Pretty normal stuff.
Today, dh and I were doing our monthly budget reconciliation. Usually takes just a few minutes, unless we want to talk more long-range goals. Today was one of those times. During the conversation, I ask dh about a change in how we allot funds, and he said that we were only doing it how we are now because I wanted to make that change a few years ago. That is absolutely wrong. I have been paying the bills for more than 35 years, and we made that switch four years ago because HE thought it would be a good idea. We went around for a bit but eventually dropped it as it didn’t really matter anyway.
Here’s the deal. My birthday is Tuesday. I am aware that I am getting older. But I also know what I know, and I felt some kind of way that dh was making it seem like I don’t remember this correctly, and that ticked me off.
The question: How do you feel about getting older? I know – better than the alternative. Are you noticing changes that bother you? I work out and eat well and have many solid friendships and do all the things a person is supposed to do to stay healthy mentally and physically. But that incident ticked me off so much that maybe I’m more sensitive than I thought?
I wish I had more energy and strength to be around my grandchildren. My back hurts after carrying them.
I do forget little things now, like my phone and keys.
I wish I didn’t have to color my hair as often, and my skin care didn’t go up as I aged.
At the same time, I find that I am still pretty effective at work, even when it comes to new technologies. I am thinking about retiring, but it actually keeps my mind young.
Timely topic. I have shared on CC that my cousin took his own life last week. No one saw it coming, and there was nothing going on behind the scenes (marital problems, money problems, etc). BUT … in the letter he left his wife & kids, he said that he couldn’t bear the idea of getting old or of getting sick. He wanted to take his leave before that happened. He was 61 & in good health. He didn’t have family members whom he had watched decline. His friends are all still living vibrant lives. In his mind, though, he imagined the worst and feared it.
So, how do I feel about getting old? I embrace it. I already felt that way, but I am doubling down on accepting the changes aging brings. Not giving in, mind you. I exercise, eat well, keep my mind active … do what I can to try to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible.
Someday, I probably will dislike getting old. For now, though, I’m good with it.
My husband does that all the time. We agree to disagree.
Parts of me are ok with getting older. I find myself being more comfortable in my skin. I find that I am who I am, like me or not.
Parts of me are not ok. The realization that I’m not in control. That stinks. The aging, the slowing down. The things that are harder.
My kids getting older and frankly the fact that I need to be less honest with them because they have a significant other. Being less honest means not giving my opinion about things because those decisions are between the couple and not between a parent and their child.
My husband getting older really bothers me. Because I want him to stay young and he’s not!
I worry about dh more than me. He’s already said that he fears/knows that he’ll be cranky and miserable. Maybe that’s why HE was trying so hard to be right about this one thing.
ETA: Also, I work out every day, but the weight doesn’t budge. That part def stinks.
My husband didn’t have this luxury and so I embrace aging and relish (double!) the time I spend with our kids and grandkids (who he didn’t get to meet).
I am making efforts to keep in good physical health and mobility.
I am challenging my brain to stay pliant.
I am fine with my more salt than pepper hair, and this last birthday saw that first numeral change, so rather than denying the process, I look forward to this next iteration of me!
But my mom passed in her 20s. So the other side is better to get older than not.
With recent issues, I’ve started taking stock of life, reaching out to and in some cases talking to old friends, colleagues l, and ex gfs. The power of Facebook.
Not sure it’s good but if we spent a few years as besties, why do we not talk ?
It’s an emotional subject.
My dad is almost late 80s. Still healthy. But every time my sister, who lives with him calls, I panic.
It beats the alternative but getting older stinks.
The other fear - no hobbies and companies push old people out. What will I do to occupy my time - besides this ??
I’ve shared this elsewhere but last January I was diagnosed early with a cancer that is usually not caught until it is too late for a cure. So…getting older?? Bring it on!
My H does that more and more, and it’s starting to worry me how insistent and sometime ugly he can be, insisting he’s right when I’m 100% sure he’s not. He has a strong family history of Alzheimer’s so I’m not sure if this is the beginning, or him reassuring himself he knows what he’s talking about. But for now, I let it be. His memory has always been terrible like his dad, who ironically doesn’t have dementia issues at almost 90!
I had a fantastic memory until my kids were born. Then I became so scatterbrained. It’s better now that they’re grown, but it’ll never be the same as it was. I’m ok with that. I happily admit if I’m not sure if I remember something or not
physically… it depends. sometimes it’s so depressing. other times I think I am doing pretty well. My sister tells me her new trick. She looks in the mirror and tells herself “this is the best I’m going to look for the rest of my life!” And try to enjoy it. In 20 years, we will look back at us now and think we were great.
I loved raising my kids and I will always be a bit sad that time is gone. But they have turned out so well. They are great people, and for that I give thanks every day.
I am experiencing the typical physical and memory issues for sure. But recently I just got a sudden pit in my stomach to realize there are so many things I wanted to do in my life and “all of a sudden”, I simply am unable to choose to do them any longer. I might have actually gasped. It was a very wistful feeling.
Mixed bag. I feel more confident and assertive about what I want and I am able to let go of the little things - that’s all good.
But it’s hard to accept the fact that although I take good care of myself, my body has ideas of it’s own. I find myself forgetting things like names which is frustrating.
I sometimes feel marginalized by younger people because of my age. I loved working ,but I ended up retiring before I wanted to because I was no longer willing to put up with age discrimination.
I think so, too and am seriously thinking about “gray blending” and not having to deal with roots anymore. But I have fair skin with yellowish undertones which apparently is not flattered by gray hair.
So I continue to color. For now.
Yes, we were just visiting with my BIL in SF and both he (in his late 70s) and H (early 80s) were our drivers. Both drove great but I thought I really don’t like driving in SF and I’m in late 60s. Aging gracefully is definitely an art and I’m hoping H and I will do so. We have friends who are caring for their aging elders. They are exhausted, having cared for the other family’s elders 1st (the H’s parents, now the W’s parents). They’re also spending time with their grandkids, so indeed they are the squeezed generation—sandwich for sure (both still working full time as teachers as well).
When we saw my MD in SF, she told me to ask my HI doc about possible lung transplant. I’m not certain if I’m interested in all that entails but we have to consider the alternatives as well. I’d prefer better health, but am fortunate we have options.
Theoretically it should make be happy to set a PR in a new AG, but in reality it doesn’t work that way for me at all. In my mind I should still be as fast or strong as I was back then. I feel the same. But then I start running and the watch lies!!! And it’s depressing. Saying it’s the best you’ve done in your 50s just doesn’t fly with my brain.
If I want to feel good about myself physically, I have to do new physical things that I didn’t do when I was younger. I can set real PRs there. Or take satisfaction knowing I am now doing things now that I didn’t do then.
It also doesn’t have to be physical. It blows my mind that I do chores/workout and listen to podcasts in German. Not only could I not do that in my 20s, I’m learning a lot from the podcasts themselves. And for that I’m super proud and makes me feel good about myself despite being “older.”
Gray hair and wrinkles don’t bother me much, I just wish using sunscreen was the thing to do 60+ years ago then maybe I wouldn’t have so much skin cancer.
Over the years I’ve traded some sources of pain (endometriosis and PCOS, plus various upper GI issues) for others (arthritis, bone spurs, lower GI issues, lymphedema, rotator cuff injuries, etc.) That’s the part of aging I hate because it often interferes with doing things I’d love to do. Medical intervention/surgery can only do so much. H is able to be much more active with our GDs, while their parents often caution them that I can’t lift them like he can.
I’ve been aware for a while that my memory isn’t as good as it once was. I make written lists, computer lists, cell phone calendar lists, etc. to help compensate. With my family history of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia, it worries me.
H’s memory is worse and he won’t do anything about it, but relies on me as his back-up memory. We’re in our late 60s and I wonder how much longer that will work. Even now it’s an issue at times.
As others mentioned, my H doesn’t always admit when his memory fails him. Contributing to the problem is his poor hearing combined with tinnitus. He tried hearing aids years ago, gave them up as soon as he retired and refuses to see anyone about his hearing now. He misses out on a lot, then often insists that he was never told something or that I must be remembering something incorrectly. Older GD has gotten frustrated with him when he doesn’t hear or understand her and I have to intervene. I try to be patient, but it’s hard at times especially when he gets defensive and then starts up with, “What about…?” (my foibles and failings.)
I’d love to make it, mentally all here and not too much worse physically, until our GDs graduate from high school. That would put me in my 80s. Anything more than that will depend in part on how much worse pains become.
I don’t like the way I am starting to notice some minor hair loss around my temples.
I don’t like how society finds me irrelevant and doctors dismiss any symptom or complaint as unserious female aging.
I am fine with wrinkles, gray hair here and there, and the fact thatI have to be really careful about what I eat. I have always exercised so that’s fine too. I am enjoying the permission to not care about people’s drama.
The hardest part is the funerals. I feel like all we do now is lose people.
