<p>I read Erikson’s psychoanalytical stages of development and he believes that it is in college that young adults slowly find meaning in their lives. I feel like most college students do: a tangled enjambment of different emotions. No crystal clear picture of how the rest of my life will pan out (that’s part of the excitement). We have our hearts set on one thing, our eyes on another, and our minds on something else entirely. What does it mean to have meaning in life? I’ve always subscribed to the notion that life is an inexorable pursuit of meaning. Happiness is in the doing. As to whether or not one actually achieves it, who knows and who cares? Is “finding meaning” really relevant? I mean, as long as you live your life the best you can and love whole-heartedly and push your fears/limits and discover new things, places, people and emotions – that’s really all that matters. Do we find meaning through other people, through the people we love? Do we find meaning in our jobs and our functional capacities? Or is a sense of purpose more intrinsic and more deeply rooted?</p>
<p>Sorry – it’s a totally scattered thought and probably poorly worded. Without having this turn into a religious discussion, I’m curious as to how the older (wiser?) people find meaning in their lives. What gives you a sense of self and a sense of purpose?</p>
<p>As with most things, I don’t think there is a set schedule for finding meaning.</p>
<p>I guess I would disagree with Erikson about college being a good time. (When did he conclude this? Society has changed a great deal in the last fifty years.)</p>
<p>Personally, I’d say one needs to be further on in life to start pondering the bigger questions. Once you have a spouse (or not), your children are on their way (or you know with certainty you will never have children), and you’ve seen what working has provided to your life, you are in a better position to decide what really gives life the most meaning.</p>
<p>Oddly, I think some of us who post on this board are having as much difficulty finding meaning in our lives as you do.</p>
<p>For quite a few of the parents on this board, our role as parents was a major source of meaning in our lives during the years when our children were growing up.</p>
<p>Now that we are parents of college students – or high school students who are soon to go to college – the intensity of our involvement in parenthood is diminishing. So we have to look for meaning in other parts of our lives. It can be quite difficult.</p>
<p>^^^ I agree wholeheartedly (and ruefully). I thought I would have it figured out by now, but every day is still touch and go. Which is a good thing – beginner’s mind and all that. It keeps things interesting (and sometimes difficult), but I’ve finally come to accept that I will never have it “all figured out”. Still, I can’t help but yearn for that sense of being settled that I always assume others have, until I actually ask them and find out that they’ve assumed the same of me. Maybe this is the final step in letting go of youthful dreams – coming to terms with the fact that life is unsettling and always will be. Doesn’t mean there isn’t meaning, but that you have to renew it every day.</p>
<p>I truly believe that finding a career that one enjoys, and a life partner that enhances and strives for a partnership, are both critical. Few people accomplish both goals in early twenties. many false starts, failed relationships. Erikson believes in the process of exploration, and is actually fluid in time line. </p>
<p>Do u have a specific question in regard to career or partner?</p>
<p>To find meaning and joy in my life, I think of what Rev. Peter J. Gomes of Harvard said about finding your vocation (or calling):</p>
<p>The best definition of vocation comes from Frederick Beuchner, a thoughtful clergyman who famously said that one’s vocation is “where your great joy meets the world’s great need.” </p>
<p>Find the intersection between the two (think Venn diagrams) and you’ll find something that will give meaning to your life and joy to your soul.</p>
<p>I agree with fendrock – until one gets out and experiences life’s ups and downs it’s difficult to assess what gives life meaning. College has its experiences certainly, but it’s still way too insular to base an assessment of meaning IMHO.</p>
<p>The goal posts keep moving; you find the meaning or think you do and then another stage of life makes you wonder or doubt. I think the meaning of life is less clear the older you get.</p>
<p>I’m not much older than you are, OP, but I would agree with several people here that it’s an ongoing process. And it does not require knowing how the rest of your life will pan out, by any means…nobody knows that anyway.</p>
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<p>There’s no reason it can’t be all of the above.</p>
<p>Something that has made a big difference to me came up in the context of some teaching on Buddhism. A student in the class became quite exasperated at what the teacher was saying and blurted out, "So, what do you mean, is samsara (the endless, seemingly meaningless cycle of rebirth and suffering) the result of “taking it all personally”? Well, yes, said the teacher.</p>
<p>This was one of those big moments for me. Try not taking things personally - really, all sorts of things, like someone forgetting an important event, someone gossiping about you, what college you get into (!), someone earning more than you. Life go on pretty much no matter what you are thinking, so you may as well not get to riled up. It unfolds. It is what it is and ain’t that grand? You are young, some things will happens, some good, some not-so-much, but all you have to do is to be open, not be a victim (because it’s really not about you) and enjoy the honor of being alive.</p>
<p>If to you it’s an x=y scenario, I think only the highly religious or those who are completely immersed in a compelling understaking will have that experience.</p>
<p>For the rest of us, this might be one of the few moments when the structuralists have it right. Meaning isn’t an answer, it’s a relationship. When one thing illuminates or is illuminated by another thing, simply by the light of the connection. When the signifier reveals the sign, or the sign explains the signifier.</p>
<p>As living animal, we experience this as a visceral response. “Oh yes,” we say, “That’s it.” And that moment is the meaning. That feeling itself is the meaning. Since everyone dies, and many systems of human thought prevail simultaneously, I don’t think there’s any other way to see it all.</p>
<p>So I just try to live with an awareness of when and how I think to myself, or occasionally say out loud, “Oh yes, that’s it.”</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s age so much as experience that finally forces a deep look at these kinds of questions. As others have said, I think the answer does change over time.</p>
<p>There have been a few of these events in my life, and while I cannot honestly say I’m glad I went through them, I have tried to learn from them. For example, when my husband was deployed to Iraq at the end of the day, once I had put my son to bed and let my brave face fall away, there was not a lot of joy. </p>
<p>My heart just broke when finally confronted with how sad, scary and violent the world could be because while I had known that, the distance between my life and those truths was far enough for me to set it aside. Confronted with the knowledge that my suffering for my spouse was but a small fraction of what so much of the world lives with, everyday, without my material resources, was very humbling. </p>
<p>I can’t really say I was happy but I can say I found some peace. I am more grateful for the good and better able to live in the moment of saddness and sorrow because I’m not so afraid of the absence of happiness anymore. And I have been struck by the conviction that for my life to have peace in it, I have to be more humble, more grateful and take on a greater responsibility to work together with others who are in pain.</p>
<p>I will add something taken from a family story. </p>
<p>Mr. Mullarky commenced business as a dealer in dry goods; had a store on Westminster street, in Providence, and subsequently removed to Ohio; settled in Cincinnati, and engaged in the manufacture and sale of hats. In March, 1837, his business called him to St. Louis, and taking passage in a steamer, had occasion to stop at Burlington, on th</p>