Next week will mark the end of a 3 month probation period at new job. I work in career services, I’m very shy and this job forces me to present in front of others and be communicative. Prior to this, I worked in academic advising and feel like I was micromanaged compared to my current job. At the previous job, I feel like management was following up more often and I was getting more correction. Here, so far at least, my boss doesn’t seem as critical. Yes, the standard is set just as high but her feedback is more positive. I had individual meetings with students this week virtually and she said she was going to hop in to check in but she never did. I still feel like I’m just such a ditz and I still make mistakes/am oblivious to things. I’ve always gotten distracted easily. I feel like my current boss is more inquisitive of work/seems critical when we had calls with corporate once a week. Im currently the only coordinator in the dept, I still get help from she and someone in student services. With another person soon to be hired, I just feel the pressure to be perfect since I’ll likely be responsible for training at that point. I just feel like I’ll never have the awareness, communication skills and initiative to work in leadership down the line (regardless of where I work)
You’ll be alright. You recognize your strengths and weaknesses. That is an important step. Talk to your supervisor, ask for training. Make a checklist for your presentation. Rehearse.
It’s not good to constantly be looking over your shoulder. You really need to speak to someone because projecting what you think others’ feel towards you, constantly, is not helping you, nor is it healthy. Do you have happy moments? You posts about your home and work life reflect some characteristics of depression. I’m not in the field so you really need to need to speak with a professional about why you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells.
Constantly looking over my shoulder, you mean this is what management at both jobs has done with me?
ASK FOR FEEDBACK. The single most powerful tool in professional development/advancement.
Your boss does not know how you feel. Your colleagues do not know how you feel. The students you work with do not know how you feel.
Do not assume. Ask. You can intersperse the casual “hey, was this a helpful session for you?” with a more formal “Can we get together to talk about my goals and what I need to do to reach them?”. But ask.
The best way to get over not feeling competent is to become competent- which is a combination of work, focus, and getting feedback to make you better! You can do this!!!
This always helps me. I remind myself that I am smart, and if I apply myself I’ll be fine. I also know that I am not so smart that I can give a lazy effort and get away with it. Most things work out, but there are always things I cannot control, or which are beyond my abilities. All I can do is my best.
This is why you need help. Your interpretation of ideas is really skewed.
(“Look what they’ve done to me” is not the typical reaction.)
“Management” has done what is expected in a job. You are supposed to be reviewed. No one is an expert in a new position and should be assessed.