How do you get your child to practice his instrument?

Parent Cafe
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<p>When D was six, before she got involved in any form of music, she told me that she wanted to be the best at “something”. I took her seriously and told her that we should give it a lot of thought, because to be the best takes work and dedication. It just so happened that a month later her elementary school teacher called me to say…“she really needs music lessons” (me)“is she that bad”(her) “no she is that good”. We called a friend who is a very well known studio musician and who came by to give her a lesson on a small guitar he brought.
I overheard the following in the next room:
Her: My mom says that I need to practice.
Him: Well I’ve never been really big on practice. But I am big on playing everyday. Like here’s something I would like you to play everyday till you can do it perfectly. ( plays Blackbird) And here is something called a scale. If you play this scale everyday for about an hour, you will be the best at playing Blackbird. Next week I will give you another song to play and more scales to play…
Her: Great!</p>

<p>Me in the next room under my breath: God bless you sir</p>

<p>It all took off from there.</p>

<p>Don’t practice. But play.</p>

<p>And definitely rethink the whole proposition if it needs to be forced</p>

22

<p>^Agree, just play. My H loves to play guitar. He plays every day at home. My Dad played piano every day when he came home from work to relax.</p>

<p>My S is probably the most talented, but loves to play when he is performing, never alone.</p>

23

<p>It always worked best in my house when my daughter had her piano practicing at the same time every day. For many years, she practiced in the morning, after breakfast and before the school bus came.</p>

24

<p>My kids all started music lessons in preschool and practice was mom-supervised with lots of games and fun. As they grew and progressed, more and more of the practice time and responsibility was turned over to them…until this morning D3 (a college level musician) announced that she needs to change her sleep schedule because she’s been practicing until 4AM…</p>

<p>For a 12 year old beginner, I would recommend a time expectation every day - 15-30 minutes, with suggestions of what to do. Learning how to practice is an essential part of the process. Incorporate some age appropriate fun - rolling dice for how many repetitions of a difficult spot, a “lucky dip” of things to practice, schedule home concerts for parents and grandparents, making a video that might be posted to youtube, etc. Recording oneself is actually very effective.</p>

25

<p>What a hard conundrum, practice. Morris, I like the wisdom in your post. </p>

<p>There is a Suzuki saying, only practice on the days you eat. </p>

<p>For years I struggled with my own practice routine, and then struggled with my Ds practice. My S opted out of music quite early. </p>

<p>We worked hard on the practice every day routine, if only for 15 minutes. And many days it was just that, though as noted above, if the instrument is out, it gets picked up and played, and somehow the whole thing is less of an ordeal. And with upcoming lessons, well, there is incentive to learn the music and techniques, for at least a few days before. Yes, this is terribly undisciplined compared to most. But over the years, they progressed, and enjoyed the leadership opportunities, HS concertmaster, paid quartet gigs, etc. </p>

<p>One D had a college viola scholarship, and at her LAC, was much in demand. She has not kept it up necessarily post college. The one who stuck with violin has kept it up in her various sojourns overseas. I doubt she practices much, but enjoys being a community orchestra member. </p>

<p>My mom was encouraging, but did little laying down the law. I always progressed, despite less than stellar routine, and was quite good at a point, and got great joy from the ability to play well (flute, recorders) Hopefully will spend my dotage working on musical skills.</p>

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<p>Motivation is essential, and it’s especially essentially that it comes from within. I’m a high school saxophonist who has held a 1st chair seat in my state’s all-state symphonic band for two years, not try to brag, so I speak with some experience. I wanted to do well on my instrument for myself, and that pushed me to practice so often.</p>

<p>When a child first learns an instrument, it’s important that they want to get better. Otherwise, if they are just pleasing someone else, that activity will fall out under the pressure of additional activities and classes later, especially in high school.</p>

<p>Obviously, you can’t make your son fall in love with the viola at age 12. When I was 11 and starting saxophone, I thought it was just okay. I almost quit after a year, but my mom convinced me to stay in. I am so glad she did this. I think it’s important to keep him in lessons and practicing, but don’t worry so much about developing virtuosic skills yet. As he develops, he will develop those on his own, especially if he finds that does enjoy it himself. </p>

<p>Also, I should mention that if your son doesn’t end up liking the viola, keeping him in it is possibly counter-productive. It isn’t fun to participate in something you don’t enjoy when you could be doing other things, such as studying or participating in more enjoyable activities. I would suggest you keep him in at the early stages and allow him to possibly develop a passion or interest, then go from there.</p>

27

<p>Jordan, you should brag. I, for one, am very impressed.</p>

28

<p>My S was always very talented (piano and violin), but never liked to practice. But he did like to “doodle” around - writing his own songs, improvising, etc. So we made a deal - 30 minutes of practice a day and then he could mess around all he wanted. He also liked splitting his 30 minutes into 10 minute bites - 10 before school, 10 after school and 10 before bed. He quit violin in 7th grade, but still plays piano and sings and his habits are about the same, although now its more like an hour of “practice” and a couple of messing around.</p>

29

<ol>
<li>When the close friends of your child are all playing music, it does the wonder – most if not all of them will practice.</li>
<li>When the music teacher of your child will not let him/her get away with not practicing, it does the wonder also. (But the parents have to side with the teacher.)</li>
<li>Become one of the most advanced players taught by the music teacher. After this has been achieved, it is likely the child himself would not want to be an “average” player under this teacher again.</li>
</ol>

<p>DS started his music journey from KinderMusic (for preschoolers.) Started on piano shortly after 5. However, switched to violin as his “main” instrument two years later (just because the piano teacher somehow stopped teaching and we found a good violin teacher first) and did not stop violin till the end of high school. (definitely not conservatory soloist level, but was at All-State level as he was in it every year he participted.)</p>

<p>Away at a college, he tried to learn other instruments which were not decided by mom & dad. Doodling on his instruments is now his favorite leisure time activity.</p>

30

<p>My son liked the piano. We never forced him to practice. Near recital time, we sometimes had to remind him. His sax lessons were at school. He practiced some at home too, but the 90 minute class alternate days helped a lot too. </p>

<p>If OP’s son does not want to practice, then it may be time to end the lessons.</p>

31

<p>Or it may be time to switch instruments. Our kids chose the instruments they wanted to play. When they started in 4th or 5th grade, all that we asked was that they do the full year on that first instrument, and they could then change. Neither changed. </p>

<p>It is very possible that the OPs kiddo might notice this instrument but would love another one.</p>

32

<p>Every kid is different, and parents’ reasons for wanting a kid to play an instrument vary. So it depends on your kid and what you are trying to accomplish. We wanted our kids to learn something about actually making music, to be able to read music and to gain some reasonable skill. We HOPED they would like it and continue to enjoy it for life. We required all three to participate in either band or choir. Part of this participation included practice. They all got quite a bit of playing time in school. It was never really a struggle at home. We simply made the expectation known, and reminded them to do it, and they did it…pretty much like homework, chores, or any other required thing.</p>

33

<p>I never pushed very hard for my D to practice her dance (with one exception, below). She found out quickly enough that when she went to class, the teacher could tell she hadn’t practiced. Her motivation was not getting in trouble at the studio.</p>

<p>The exception was when she did solos, where we paid by the hour for private lessons. I told her I wanted her to practice for 30 minutes immediately after each lesson, and several times during the week, because I didn’t want to be paying each week for her to re-learn past lessons. If she wouldn’t do that, no more solos.</p>

34

<p>My son asked for piano lessons at age 5. I did ask for a bit of commitment before we bought a (cheap used) piano. He never practiced much except before a “monster concert” where he would mess up everyone else’s performance if he didn’t keep up. By 4th grade he wanted to switch to trumpet, maybe because the band teacher was so wonderful. He practiced when he felt like it, enough to play the music properly for performances. In high school he liked the chorus teacher better and switched to singing. I feel that every bit of the music training was good for him and fun. I didn’t push the practice. Lessons here in VT though are very inexpensive. I might have felt differently had I been paying big bucks. Our middle school had a “rent to own” program with a music store. He did own the trumpet after 4 years of playing and we were able to sell it back when he stopped playing. It was all a great investment. He recently made a rap video, also fun. I’m big on inner motivation.</p>

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<p>

This is what we did, especially when the kids were young, and it was pretty effective. Be positive while you’re doing it.</p>

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<p>lol, I never made them and so they stopped with music. I was never good at getting them to pursue stuff that they needed me to help them find the motivation for. I was more the follower – they’d get interested in something, then call out to me that they needed this and that from me to do it.</p>

<p>DH and I love music and we wonder if we blew it on that decision. I think music would be a great sideline pursuit for them in adulthood. Ah well.</p>

37

<p>In our school system most kids dropped music in middle school 6-8 grades.They were mocked and teased as being band geeks etc and many could not stand up to the peer pressure. My kids were not allowed to quit until 10th grade.</p>

<p>I asked kids to practice 10 minutes a day. I found once they got the instrument out and started playing it would often go beyond the 10 minutes. I let them slide a bit at times.</p>

<p>They did play while in band and at their school lessons so they were getting some time on the instrument while at school .</p>

<p>By the time they got to high school grade 9 they were now a part of a big band and the marching band. They had a great peer group and had great fun and became a part of something bigger than themselves. One also played varsity and club sports.</p>

<p>They both took private lessons in high school from a wonderful man who took no prisoners. They had to practice because they did not want to let the teacher down. I was out of it at this point.</p>

<p>My advice…just get through the middle school without letting them quit.</p>

38

<p>musicamerica, I mostly agree with you, but our problem in high school was that my younger son liked being in both our high school orchestras (regular and a special arts program one), but still didn’t like to practice. One requirement of the special orchestra was to have private music lessons and it drove his private teacher crazy that he practiced so little. It didn’t seem fair to the orchestras he was in either. He used to tell other adults he’d be a better player if we nagged more, but I was never very good at nagging. I always felt that being able to read music was part of being an educated person, and I’ve gotten a lot of pleasure out of being able to pick out a tune on a piano or recorder. (But no amount of practice will ever make me even a passable musician.) </p>

<p>My older son stopped in middle school because freshman band musicians were required to be in the marching band. Eveybody adored the elementary school band teacher, but unfortunately the middle school teacher pretty much ruined it for him, though he was an excellent teacher technically. And that marching band requirement put the nail in the coffin. It was a shame since he was actually the better musician of the two, and it would have helped him I think to have been more well rounded.</p>

<p>cobrat, not all metal music is cheesy.</p>

39

<p>When my son was in sixth grade his band teacher asked him to add alto sax because he needed one in jazz band. Son never bonded with it and didn’t practice as he should. In high school, band teacher asked him to consider tenor sax. So far so good, but he really is a clarinetist and that’s good enough.</p>

40

<p>I think internal motivation from a 12 y.o. is pretty rare. We did have weekly “concerts” and took them to see the high school concerts so they’d know if they hung in there, more interesting things than Frere Jacque or Today We Learn A New Scale were on the way. Both had to commit to a whole year of trying before bailing. We bought instruments rather than renting so they would feel ownership and pride. Didn’t hurt that most of their friends and family play, too. But if it is to succeed long term, it should be bearable. I don’t think lots of people like to practice, but unless he wants to be a professional musician, that’s not really as big a requirement as “I like band”.
Both were required to practice daily until about 7th or 8th grade, when they had band and lessons as part of their school day; then it was up to them. When I say required, it was just “you need to practice still before you do -----”. One son plays percussion and that is harder to practice your symphonic part, alone, but our high school also has a rock ensemble class and we could hardly get him to stop!</p>