<p>If they ask my opinion- I give an honest gentle answer if I have a negative opinion. If they do not ask I do not comment. I treat my grown kids as I would want to be treated by them as well as by my parents. By the way, my mother (90) still expresses her disapproval for both me and my B in just about all areas of our lives “its my blood and i need to do this”. I am dutiful to make sure she is safe. She is old school and for the life of me I cannot figure out what she gets from it other than control. I made a very conscious effort to NEVER do this to my kids. Also I do not share with her nearly as much as my kids share with me and my H. If I were like her I am sure our relationship with our kids would be much more formal. My kids have friends who have parents like OP described and yes they are much less likely to share the good and bad with their parents. In those cases, I know more about my kids friends than their parents do. I feel if one prefers to be dictatorial and controlling your relationship will reflect it.
BOTTOM LINE_ IF THEY ASK MY OPINION I NICELY GIVE IT.</p>
<p>Maybe we need a thread about how we as parents DISAPPOINTED our kids.</p>
<p>Not saving enough to give them unlimited college choices. Being clueless in helping them with homework. Choosing dull vacation destinations. Giving them big ugly noses and bad skin.</p>
<p>Now there’s a great idea, sorghum! Add to the list how we embarass them at every opportunity (tee hee hee… a favorite pastime). I strike up conversations easily with people-- cashiers, clerks, people in line, strangers. Embarasses the bejesus out of the kids :)</p>
<p>I breathe, which has been known to embarrass them.</p>
<p>I think you are my long lost twin, PG.</p>
<p>I exist, therefore I embarrass my children. :)</p>
<p>kelsmom- I guess we are triplets!</p>
<p>Marian, I think you hit the nail on the head. The ability to give honest feedback comes from having a strong relationship. If that is lacking, you have to tiptoe around the tough issues. I hope that my relationship with my kid remains just as strong as mine with my parents.</p>