My best friend’s daughter is a first-year student at an Ivy. The daughter has recently become very depressed. My friend is, understandably, very concerned about her. The episode seems like more than just sadness or stress, although the daughter does have things to be sad about and stressed about. The school is 1000 miles from home and travel is difficult for workload reasons (for both mom and daughter) and financial reasons. Currently, the daughter is planning to stay at school for spring break. She has made an appointment to talk to a counselor at her school but the wait has been at least one week. I gave my friend the name of a private therapist close to the school; I don’t know her personally but was given the name by a therapist locally for whom I have much respect. The daughter was dismissive about contacting the private therapist.
I have shared my thoughts and suggestions with my friend, based on assisting my own daughters through several mental-health challenges over the years. But I’d like to know what other people suggest, too. Thank you!
Has the depression affected the students behavior. Has she stopped attending class or socializing? Or is she just expressing extreme frustration and anxiety to mom. I’ve experienced both with my kids.
My S stopped attending classes and changed his behavior. He had to take a medical leave to deal with depression. D2 was able to stay in school w/o interruption. But we still had to deal with some unfortunate behavioral issues that happened because of her…whatever. Temporary depression or anxiety.
S’s issues are ongoing. D’s ( and D1 had a bad time that was episode specific) seem to have been temporary.
Transferring to a school closer to home should be an option seriously considered – the mental health should be a TOP consideration when deciding college or “fit”. Knowing kid’s character from K-12, family history, etc. should be weighed against academic stress, school culture, diversity of campus, etc. when finding the mental health ‘fit’. Name value or prestige is far less important than kid’s mental health. There is right now much heightened recognition nationally of the importance of mental health because it is so wide spread – http://www.bna.com/senate-help-committee-n57982067281/ – There is movement to reduce stigma of mental health issues, although there is a long way to go … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISXGV-pk34c … These issues has to be handled timely. The remote distance to school from home is especially difficult – either the kid transfers to a school closer to home or a parent relocate closer to the kid’s school – I know it is not a practical idea, especially the parent moving, but I lost a child to mental health issue sending school across the country…
“the daughter is planning to stay at school for spring break”
Is there a reason why she is staying on campus for spring break? Financial? I would think it would be a good idea to have a change of scenery for the week. Some campuses offer retreats or service oriented trips or outing club type trips at little to no cost.
Support your friend and encourage her to encourage her daughter to seek counseling.
@col2cal: I am very sorry for your loss.
Care packages from family AND friends (like you). Mail. Skype every day. Raise money and fly her home or fly mom out. And as mentioned, seriously consider a transfer to someplace closer.
Many freshmen get depressed midyear. The novelty wears off, the excitement fades, you haven’t made tons of friends or changed the world, and college is hard. Her family and friends she left need to be the rope she hangs on to.
Thanks for all the suggestions so far. I’ve been helping my friend financially and have offered to “facilitate” a trip home for the daughter or a trip to school for my friend. I don’t know how the suggestion of transferring will be met. One complication is that the FA at this school is so good that the combined student and family contribution is only about $4000 per year (no loans).
Col2cal - oh my goodness. Did this just happen? I am so sorry for your loss.